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Your mom: Hello, party line, puedeng makigamit ng telepono?
The party line: Sandali lang, importante ‘to.
Your mom: Dalawang oras na kayong nagchichismisan, pakibaba na.
The party line: Sinabi nang sandali lang, eh.
Your mom: Hoy, kanina pa kami naghihintay.
The party line: Antipatika! Sino ka ba?
Your mom: At ikaw, sino ka? Bastos! Walang modo!

In Emotional Weather Report, today in the Star.

I feel like we’re being stalked by celebrities. The other day I was in Podium when I spotted Robin Padilla. He was wearing a brown beret (or whatever you call that headgear that’s flat on top) that matched his brown jacket. This evening I spotted Vhong Navarro in Rockwell. He was wearing a white beret that matched his white jacket. What’s with the matching jackets and berets? I’m sure it’s an omen of something, I just haven’t figured out what. Chus was on a plane to Los Angeles and on the same flight was Billy (Joe) Crawford. Chus reports that Billy is much cuter in person. He didn’t mention what Billy was wearing, but he lives in Paris so he probably owns a jacket and beret ensemble. Hmmm.

Found on page 74 of Double Fault, a story about the old Andre.
“At the January ’89 Buenos Aires Davis Cup match with Argentina?” Eric opined.
“Agassi was playing Martin Jaite, a heartthrob local talent. Andre was whitewashing the poor bastard, 6-2, 6-2. At 4-0 in the third set Jaite had a chance to win a game. Down 40-0, Agassi shouted to his coach, ‘Hey, Nick, watch this!’ Jaite served, and Agassi caught the ball with his left hand.”
“Why would he do that?” Gert frowned, fascinated.
“Twisted charity. To humiliate Jaite and offend the crowd. It worked. Then he’d the nerve to claim to journalists that it was ‘just something he always wanted to do.'”

On my favorite historical soap: Julius Caesar is dead. Mark Antony escapes assassination by Pompey’s son. Servilia the mastermind is triumphant; Brutus is in shock. Caesar’s will is read, and his sole heir is his great-nephew Octavian. Who points out that Brutus must declare Caesar a tyrant, or be condemned as a murderer. However if Caesar is declared a tyrant, all his acts would be deemed illegal, including the appointment of Brutus as praetor. So Antony makes a deal with the conspirators. They hold the “men of quality”, but he controls the mob. Pullo proposes marriage to Eirene, who can hardly refuse. Vorenus, distraught at Niobe’s death, curses his children. Who are promptly seized by his enemy Erastus the gangster.
Carnage: Plenty, including stabbing, throat-cutting, and beheading.
Nudity: Plenty.
Sex: Plenty.
Antony: I’m not rising from this bed until I’ve fucked someone.
Atia (to a slave): Go fetch the German slut in the kitchen.

Wanted: Male and female leads for an all-improvisational (you make up the dialogue to suit the situation) movie to be shot in two weeks. For the male lead they need an ordinary-looking guy, 40-45; female lead should be charming, age 36-40, not especially pretty but pleasant. (You can be younger, as long as you can look the age.) They also need 12 character actors for supporting, minor, and bit roles. The movie will be directed by Erik Matti (Prosti, Pasiyam, and that fantasy movie with Bong Revilla in hair extensions and a coconut shell bra).

Auditions will be held tomorrow, Thursday, from 2-6pm at Unit 804, Prestige Tower, Emerald Avenue in Ortigas Center, Pasig. Performers must be available in the next two weeks for improv and rehearsals. Break a leg, not literally.

Saw part of the new series Asian Treasures with Angel Locsin and Robin Padilla. I do not understand their hair. Angel looks like she’s been doused in Pagoda Cold Wave lotion and Robin has hair borrowed from Jackie Chan in the early 80s. There’s a slow-motion shot every two minutes, and when Angel takes off her helmet and tosses her hair it looks like the director is auditioning for a shampoo commercial. Jaime Fabregas turns up in a Jedi costume from Star Wars. It didn’t look like a Jedi costume, it was an exact copy. Ripping off is clearly not an issue to the producers—the recent Captain Barbell contained elements from the Superman movie and the TV series Smallville. Encantadia borrowed liberally, to put it kindly, from popular fantasy movies. In the ads for Asian Treasures Robin Padilla is dressed as Indiana Jones and Angel Locsin as Lara Croft. Apparently originality is not highly valued on network TV, but the idea that a show is “just like Hollywood product” is. We don’t hide possible copyright infringement, we’re proud of it! “Kaya rin natin yan!” The Elvis Presley/ Michael Jackson of the Philippines schtick. We may not know what we are, but we know what we wannabe.

This is irrelevant, of course. The final arbiters of right and wrong are ratings and profits.