Heathcliff: Dark, brooding, handsome, rich, obsessed, and apparently too scary for our contestants, who have expressed a preference for Darcy. (Photo: Before Deadwood and Kings, Ian McShane played Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights.)
What, no macho Hemingway guys? Oh right, the equipment was destroyed in the war. Alyosha Karamazov? Too good. Prince Myshkin? Too good, plus you know. What about Mr. Rochester? Those Bronte sisters with their creepy men. Jude the Obscure and other Hardy hunks? Too depressing. Colette’s Cheri? Someone to date, not to keep. Julien Sorel? Too scheming. Nicholas Nickleby or Pip? Tintin? Captain Ahab? With the peg leg, are you nuts.
Male literary characters you would like to date (as of Tuesday):
Fitzwilliam Darcy – Most popular so far. Is it the surliness?
Stanley Kowalski – Contestant already has foul plan.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Technically just one guy.
Gollum – Unussssssual.
Holden Caulfield – He’s 16 ergo jailbait unless you’re 16.
John Marcher from The Beast In The Jungle
Count Dracula – Everybody loves a vampire.
Owen Meany – Don’t remember the book well, but wasn’t he tiny?
Peregrin “Pippin” Took – Speaking of tiny.
Julio Madiaga – Er. (So is Stanley.)
Among the women, no takers yet for Eustacia Vye, Tess Durbeyfield, Holly Golightly, Maria Clara (Oh, please), Isabel Archer, Natasha from War and Peace, the Japanese princess who wrote The Pillow Book, and that conniving little Lolita.
Keep posting your entries to this week’s LitWit challenge, Your Imaginary Date. Deadline Friday night.
Saturday, 0207. The LitWit Challenge: Your Imaginary Date is now closed. The winner will be announced later.