This is my voodoo doll. I only use it for World Cup finals. The last time I used it, Marco Materazzi said something to Zinedine Zidane, and whatever it was Zizou was so incensed he head-butted Materazzi, and Italy went on to win the World Cup.
Weird turning point, no? Almost as if . . .voodoo were involved.
It’s the day of the final, so out comes the doll. Whom should we hex, Spain or Holland? I’m taking requests.
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12 July 2010, 0240. Bernard-Henri texts: “Found myself in Instituto Cervantes for the game. I’m the only one here for the Oranje! I might be burned at the stake.”
That’s heresy on two counts! Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by. . .three counts! Did you bring your queso de bola? Four counts!
0320. More yellow cards than a Noynoy rally, but still no score. I do not want to see a penalty shoot-out.
There is a total solar eclipse today. Going by Here Comes The Bride movie physics by Chris Martinez, if there is a total solar eclipse in a magnetic field and some Spanish and Dutch players collide, they will swap bodies. Hmmm David Villa is not himself today.
0420. For a hex to work I must feel a powerful dislike towards the hexee, and right now I dislike both teams. Urrgh. On to the existential hell of the penalty shoot-out. No wait, extra time.
Incidentally there is a much-repeated story that Albert Camus was the goalie of the Algerian football team. It is not true.
0458. A goal! Iniesta! Spain 1, Holland 0. I think I’ll have fabada for lunch. A late, late lunch.
0504. Cardinal Octopus, bring out. . .the comfy chair! Spain wins the World Cup for the first time ever! Vive de largo el pulpo! Good morning.
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Here’s my favorite post-match video: Iker Casillas is interviewed by his girlfriend, TV presenter Sara Carbonero.