The vertical and the horizontal
Note: Our efforts to get players from the national football team to be Jocks With Books have so far come to nothing. Granted these efforts have not been serious (they consist mostly of wishing), but getting the national rugby team members to pose with books took no effort at all (For instance we’ve never met Gaz, can you believe it) and we’re lazy. So we remain loyal Volcanettes. If you disagree, don’t feel compelled to look.
* * * * *
Where were we? Ah yes, the weekly Jock With A Book.
We asked our friend Patrice Olivier of the Philippine Volcanoes rugby team to read a book while doing a handstand. Unfortunately when he attempted to do a handstand his feet almost went through the ceiling. Patrice is 6’4″. (And he turns 21 in two weeks so it was all right to ask him to remove his shirt.)
The vertical photo being impossible, we asked Patrice to get horizontal instead. Here he is reading The Flip Reader.
As we have mentioned Patrice was born in Manila, raised in Japan, and now lives in France where he is finishing his management degree and playing for the Beziers rugby club. (Random facts about Beziers: In the 13th century it was a Cathar stronghold. The Cathars were exterminated in the Albigensian Crusade propagated by Innocent III. The annual Feria de Beziers in August features bullfights. Richard Gasquet is from there.)
Patrice will be in Manila in April for the test match against Hong Kong. What have you got to say to our Jock With A Book?
A. Nothing yet, but I am enrolling at Alliance Francaise so I should have something by March.
B. Cheri, the underwear peeking out of the pants is so ’90s but you are still lovely.
C. McDonald’s doesn’t sell Milo McFlurries in Manila, but if you come to my house I will make you all the Milo McFlurries you can eat.
D. Patrice mon amour, I see us walking hand in hand in the park on a summer’s day with the birds chirping and the flowers in bloom, but even in heels I would be knee-level to you.
E. I find Michel Houellebecq repulsive yet fascinating, don’t you?
F. I am your Patricia. Please call me Patsy.
G. You must be the flyhalf because you’re so fly. (Or, You must be the scrumhalf because you’re so scrumptious. Oy, we have invented rugby pickup lines! Now to think of lines for loosehead prop, blindside flanker, second five-eighth, etc.)*
H. If anyone quotes Lady Marmalade to you I will rip their lungs out.
I. Add your own comment.
* * * * *
Thought of some other lines, this time for the second five-eighth position.
- Hello, second five-eighth, I am your first three-eighth.
- Second five-eighth, you eight-eighths me.
- If your first five-eighth is as gorgeous as your second five-eighth. . .then that makes ten-eighths or five fourths. I don’t know where this is leading.
- Even one-eighth of you is too much for me.
- You’re turning me into an irrational number.
* * * * *
Patrice mail!
Hello Jessica,
I hope you are fine, i just wanted to say Have a Merry Christmas but i prefer to tell you in french
Alors jessica passe un merveilleux joyeux noel et une bonne fete de fin d’année!
And thank you for the article, we will see soon in April!
Bises,
Patrice
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
December 23rd, 2010 at 00:19
I. Patrice have long, uh, legs no?
J. It’s Christmas already? But it’s only the 22nd?!
I’m hearing Eartha Kitt’s Je Cherche Un Homme in the background *looks for Jake Letts’ lovely photos*
December 23rd, 2010 at 01:22
Dear Miss JayZ,
As you know, nothing can be more disheartening to us, your feline minions, unborn kittens and fawns included, than the thought of you getting distraught at being brushed off by the flaming snob-nosed six-packed Fulham goalie named Neil.
How dare he!
How dare he trivialize the importance of reading in the buff!
And, yes, how dare we, avaricious whorehouse madames, forget too soon that someone as cologne-fresh, naye, younger even is still very much alive and throbbing under our sheets?
Someday, we will put all these behind us, and many others will come and go to crease up, stain, and defile the frilly daintiness of our linens, but never, no never, shall we relinquish to the evil clutches of oblivion, the memory of a boy named Patrice, the first Franco-Flip boy who instilled upon our smidgen Pinoy smarts that rugby can be more addictive as a sports than as an abused substance.
Your fawn-in-waiting,
The ultra-chic multi-multihyphenated,
2Qt2BSTR8 Wolff-Farrar-Chatting-Holgate-Fleur-Morris-Morales-Olivier viuda de Etheridge
December 23rd, 2010 at 01:22
I. Oh la la, sans la chemise cette fois, mais vous êtes charmant comme toujours. (“Vous” maintenant parce que vous n’êtes pas un petit garçon plus!)
December 23rd, 2010 at 02:11
2Qt2BSTR8: No, we didn’t get snubbed! The Ether is blameless in this regard. We didn’t get close enough to get snubbed. Unfortunately we and the football team exist in parallel universes. No intersections, no friendly rugby-playing capitalist overlord to assure them that I am not a stalker.
December 23rd, 2010 at 02:28
Thank you very much. I am at NAIA 3 and I’m four hours early for the one and only flight to my destination. I did not sleep for fear that I would not be able to wake up in time. The lines are hellacious and passengers are competing for trolleys. Coffee and shirtless Patrice jolted me back to consciousness. Wait my mom is sitting across me.
December 23rd, 2010 at 02:31
the chronicler of boredom: Have a safe, stress-free trip! Tell her Patrice is your French tutor.
December 23rd, 2010 at 02:39
@ #6 jessicazafra: Thanks!!!
Would you believe that there are two gorgeous French guys at the table behind me? I tried to sneek a peek and one of them made eye contact with me. Immediately pretended I was looking for something behind them.
December 23rd, 2010 at 02:57
the chronicler of boredom: Oohlala! Ask them where they’re from and whether they follow rugby.
December 23rd, 2010 at 03:08
@ #8 jessicazafra: I can’t. My mom will wonder why I would strike a conversation with them. She’ll start asking questions. I will have a lot of explaining to do why I suddenly have an interest in sports. And rugby at that. Hahaha!
Ah…check in time. At last!
December 23rd, 2010 at 03:12
the chronicler of boredom: But you ARE interested in rugby. You know that the Philippines has a rugby team and we are in Division 1 in Asia. This means you know more about rugby than, oh, 90 percent of the population.
December 23rd, 2010 at 03:15
Massive chest. Masarap patungan ng ulo.
December 23rd, 2010 at 04:24
@ #11 jessicazafra: Yes, I AM interested in rugby and will definitely watch the games which will be held here. This is in furtherance of my pursuit of knowledge.
I will employ rugby as a means of chatting up Europeans the next time around. But first, I must increase my exposure to the sport. We can only bluff and feign for so long.
December 23rd, 2010 at 06:06
I. Where were you when I was 20?
Its 5:6:04am and I feel like singing “Quand il me prend dans ses bras,
Il me parle tout bas, le vois la vie en rose..” the Sophie Milman version.
December 23rd, 2010 at 06:09
its 6:04 plus i was thinking if we’re gonna have jocks with books 2011 calendar
December 23rd, 2010 at 08:39
HOMAYNGAD! Mente u-o lang yan? Magets na magets!
Oh Matnish, meymi, ninawang ko nganina un NPWH ngawa nang machnado angong nang-watir nung nathilayan ngo ang iyong humad na nga-awan. Ngahi ngalaha-i man lang eh nyolb na nyolb na ang mechay ni wa-ashi.
Mangay aio meymi, mare-o aiong long legge.
Muahne from Masing Ci-ehhhh!
P.S. Nanganga-ngongo ang nganda mo meymi.
December 23rd, 2010 at 10:47
He kinda reminds me of Fernando Verdasco. Which is not a bad thing.
December 23rd, 2010 at 12:05
From knee high red socks to peekaboo undies… he’s losing his innocence!
This set definitely wins my favorite vertical/horizontal view for the month.
December 23rd, 2010 at 13:00
Harry, Harry asan ka na? Nabubura na ang imahe mo sa aking isipan…
bonjour Patrice! comment ça va? qu’est-ce que c’est sur la photo?
December 23rd, 2010 at 13:39
# 2 2Qt2BSTR8 Ang dami mo palang bet sa mga Volcanoes hehe ang cuteeee!
#15 Momelia — Dear, pagkatapos naman ng DPWH jan sa inyo, papuntahin mo sa village namen, may pumutok na tubo ng tubig at naglalawa na dito. Lapit lang naman kami sa inyo eh. Thanks!!!
#17 watergirl — From the looks of Patrice’s 1st photo, he’s doing a Britney Spears on us: “I’m not that innocent!” LOL!
December 23rd, 2010 at 14:17
G. You must be the flyhalf because you’re so fly. (Or, You must be the scrumhalf because you’re so scrumptious. Oy, we have invented rugby pickup lines! Now to think of lines for loosehead prop, blindside flanker, second five-eighth, etc.)
HAHAHA!!! Jake is a scrum half! Oh my gosh, I dunno if I can say that to his face without laughing my head off hahahahaha!
December 23rd, 2010 at 14:19
Hey Jessica, the Azkals made it to Sports Illustrated’s top football stories of the year. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/georgina_turner/12/11/top10.stories/index.html We’re on #10, but still…
December 23rd, 2010 at 14:25
I really so would want to be a D & G underwear in my next life…Hayy…
December 23rd, 2010 at 14:59
brewhuh23: You know the term “scrumhalf!” Our rugby education program is working!!
December 23rd, 2010 at 15:17
Jessica — I know right! I wanna cry!!! Learning about rugby is giving internal hemorrhage already but at least I know what a tackle, ruck and maul is… and a try lol!!!
And for kicks, I keep reviewing the A5N finals between the Volcanoes and the India team. Oliver kicks on his left? WOW!
December 23rd, 2010 at 15:42
brewhuh23: I’m reading Rugby for Dummies!
I think we should build a statue to Oliver’s leg. Check out the stats from the A5N Division II championship that the Volcanoes won. http://www.asian5nations.com/node/105
Matt Saunders was the top try-scorer in the tournament with 3 but Kuya Oliver made 1 try, 8 conversions, and 7 penalties to score 42 of the Philippines’ 87 points. Okay, he’s the designated kicker for penalties and conversions, but. . .What if he’d missed?? You need nerves of steel to kick so accurately while the population of India is booing you.
December 23rd, 2010 at 15:54
Jessica — I’m reading the beginner’s guide from the IRB :)
We need to pay hommage to Oliver’s leg when it gets here hahaha. I’ll have a plaque made for it, what do you think???
Yeah, it took a lot of discipline for Kuya Oliver to zone out all that booing and focus :) Kuya Oliver, you and your leg deserve the plaque. See you in April!
December 23rd, 2010 at 16:00
brewhuh23: We should cast the leg in bronze! And have the Saunders brothers cloned.
December 23rd, 2010 at 16:10
Hahahahaha! Fabulous idea!!!
December 23rd, 2010 at 16:14
C. C. CCCCCCCC.
We should ask ouor jocks to come up with more Rugby pick-up lines. Football ones, too.
December 23rd, 2010 at 19:08
D and H. For H, I can only tolerate so much.
Tama si ifrico, bagay patungan ng ulo ang malapad na parteng iyan. Tapos babasahan ka niya sa linggwaheng Pranses. OhMyGed. Pantasyang nagkatotoo. Saklolo.
December 23rd, 2010 at 20:11
#30 butoygirl — Attt umiinom kayo ng alak habang sinusubuan mo sha ng keso, o pwede ding ikaw ang sinusubuan niya… Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
December 23rd, 2010 at 20:23
#15 Momelia-mahihimatay naman ako sa ngongo lingo mo! In ferness, binasa ko talaga ng buong buo ang post mo in full ngongo mode. Isa kang alamat! I luv the pics, btw. My knees got weak with the vertical shot. Patrice is just perfect.
December 23rd, 2010 at 20:31
Jessica — Nalurkey ako sa mga pick up lines grabeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! There’s a rugby position called hooker too, hehe. I’m loving rugby 101 :D
December 23rd, 2010 at 20:50
Here are the positions and their alternative names.
Prop Prop forward, tighthead, loosehead
Hooker Hook, rake
Lock Second row, lock forward
Flanker Wing forward, breakaway, flank, flank forward, loose forward, blind side, open side
Number 8 Eight, eightman, eighthman, loose forward
Scrum half Inside half, half-back, scrum off, scrummie
Fly-half Outside half, out half, stand-off, stand-off half, five-eighth, first five-eighth, first five, fly, pivot
Inside centre Second five-eighth, first centre, second five or centre
Outside centre Centre, centre three-quarter, second centre
Winger Wing, wingman, wing three-quarter
Fullback Custodian, sweeper, number 15
December 23rd, 2010 at 21:12
Oh joy!!! Thanks Jessica. Noting these all down.
Jake is scrummie hehe. Can’t wait to watch a live rugby match :)
December 23rd, 2010 at 22:31
brewhuh23 @3:45 pm: Habang nakahiga? Baka naman masamid/masuka kami.
Pero sabi ko nga sa mga kaibigan ko pagkatapos naming kumain kagabi, “Mas masarap pala ang sinangag, ensalada, beef salpicao, crispy pata, crispy dinuguan, at kare-kare kapag nanggaling na sa tiyan.”
December 23rd, 2010 at 22:51
i. anong concept nung first photo?
December 24th, 2010 at 00:16
#36 ifrico — Ah pwede namang parang naka upo kayo pareho pero nakadantay ka pa din sa dibdib ni Patrice diba? Yun bang nakasandal sa bed rest? Naiimagine mo? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
December 24th, 2010 at 00:33
ifrico and brewhuh23: Pag-uuntugin ko kayo. Wala namang problema.
1. If horizontal as in 180 degrees, the chest is the dish. No need for plates.
2. If you intend to eat food, recline on pillows. Three should do.
3. Use those breakfast trays with legs.
4. Don’t eat Roquefort or other smelly cheeses in bed, it’s gross.
5. Apparently crispy pata and pancit canton are the most popular room service items in motels. They are not romantic. You might as well eat adobo or sinigang.
6. You’ll want to look attractive while eating. Grapes are good, and the 3 Cs: chocolate, champagne, and cheese but not #4.
7. On second thought don’t eat in bed especially if you intend to sleep in it. Go out and eat in a public place so everyone will know what you’ve been up to and die of envy.
December 24th, 2010 at 00:47
Jessica & ifrico — Pasensiya na at nahihirapan akong maging cinematic hahahaha! Si Patrice kasi, napaka-angelic niya, wala siyang bahid grabe. Siyempre no to crispy pata and pancit canton ha! Pamatay moment na yun eh.
December 24th, 2010 at 00:59
7. On second thought don’t eat in bed especially if you intend to sleep in it. Go out and eat in a public place so everyone will know what you’ve been up to and die of envy.
>>> Oh my goodness, PDA with matching HHWWPSSP (holding hands while walking pa-sway sway pa)! With Patrice!!! Why not?!
December 24th, 2010 at 01:49
7. On second thought don’t eat in bed especially if you intend to sleep in it. Go out and eat in a public place so everyone will know what you’ve been up to and die of envy
For a broader audience, sa Ayala Triangle kayo kumain. Mahihiya ang mga bus stations sa Cubao sa sobrang rami ng tao. Literal na nakapila yung mga tao sa labas ng mga kainan. Maiirita ka at ibubuhos mo yung galit mo sa paglamon.
December 24th, 2010 at 02:09
ifrico: Hindi naman Ayala Triangle, romantic bang magsubuan ng Bon Chon chicken o Hainanese chicken rice? Anyway, you’ll never have to wait in line because if they see you with someone like Patrice the owner will come out and get you.
December 24th, 2010 at 02:40
ifrico — Orrrrr magmajor PDA kayo sa tapat ng Bon Chon para mamatay sa inggit at galit yung mga nakapila, at layasan nila kayo…NakapagPDA ka na, makakakain ka pa ng masarap na chicken wings! Yum!!!
Makahanap nga ng mangangata sa baba lol :D
December 24th, 2010 at 02:47
ifrico: At may Bon Chon na sa Greenbelt 1, katabi ng Pancake House. Hindi ka na kailangan makipagtulakan sa Ayala Triangle.
December 24th, 2010 at 02:54
ifrico: Oy Patrice does not make lamon ha, he makes manger.
brewhuh23: Naiinis na ba sa atin si ifrico?
December 24th, 2010 at 02:58
Jessica —Hindi pa naman ata. May Wee nam kee din no? Okay din dun hehe.
ifrico — Pwede bang sa ibang resto na lang kayo pumunta ni Patrice?
December 24th, 2010 at 03:02
Physics problem. Paano kayo magpi-PDA kung may one foot height differential?
December 24th, 2010 at 03:09
Jessica — For Patrice, I think ifrico and all the other Patricettes (?) will find a way hehe :)
December 24th, 2010 at 03:09
Makahanap nga ng mangangata sa baba lol :D
Una kong basa “makahanap nga ng bata”. I was scandalized! (This coming from me: Mapagpanggap. Haha.)
Kung 6’4″ ka, does that mean you have ~20% more calorie intake requirement to maintain the same frame than if you were 5’4″? Just a thought.
December 24th, 2010 at 03:40
ifrico: Yes he has to keep eating, and he hasn’t filled out yet so he must eat more.
December 24th, 2010 at 03:41
brewhuh23: They’re Patricias, Patsies for short. I guess one could wear heels or stilts.
December 24th, 2010 at 05:58
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, and I…am flushed with intense joy. Had a rough 2-weeks of non-stop work, but this is such sweet reward. Nawala ang pagod ko.
(Para siyang napakalamig na sabaw ng buko, pampawi ng matinding uhaw matapos mag-araro sa kainitan ng araw)
Let me say this again: “Patrice, unang sulyap pa lang. Mahal Kita.” (siyet pang-Star Cinema)
Maligayang Pasko Jessica!!! Naway tuparin ni Santa lahat ng wish mo (for all the good deeds you’ve done this year)
Love,
Patti Blair
– Patti,patina…hangkintab at hangkinis ng dibdib nya
December 24th, 2010 at 10:00
# 32 innovision — Ay ganun talaga fren. Anlakas maka-ngongo ng mga fresh na hombre lalo’t super bagets!
# 52 jessicazafra — Patsies! Jakelettes! Harlottes! Go girl power!
December 24th, 2010 at 13:40
ifrico — All that talk about food and gorgeous men made me hungry so I had to go downstairs to see if there were any hahahaha!
jessica –Oh okay, the Patricias. The Patricias will make a way, the height difference won’t matter.
Polaris — Dali, sing another Sheryl Cruz or Donna Cruz song! Yung may shadamdadam-shandadam hahaha!
December 24th, 2010 at 19:26
I want you to be the subject of my thesis, documentary–Jock with a Book—and painting time!
December 25th, 2010 at 11:02
I know this is your blog and all…but i am really getting bothered by these pictures of half-nude men you’ve been posting in your blog lately….like a LOT of them. Somehow, the jessicarulestheuniverse blog that I used to love has been turned into Cosmo’s blog or something. I do hope you keep featuring more political, social, books and art essays more rather than these half-naked mestizos. Just saying.
December 25th, 2010 at 11:42
C. plus any other dessert made from/with Milo.
Naloka ako sa first picture: on his knees, hands behind back, shirtless…O_O
December 25th, 2010 at 12:17
Tungkol sa height issue, maliit na bangkong plastic (yung ginagamit ng mga manikurista) lang ang katapan niyan. Ipapasok ka ito sa aking bag kapag hindi ko na kailangan. Tapos ang problema. Very convenient.
Merry Christmas pala sa lahat ng mga magagandang tao dito!
December 25th, 2010 at 13:28
Lord, ganito po batalaga ang nagagawa ng Milo sa katawan? Bakit pag si Monsieur McFlurry ang kumakain nito, gumaganda ang abs nya? Bakit pag ordinaryong mortal lang, nako-convert ang Milo into love handles?
December 25th, 2010 at 16:16
Kaye — Kaya nga eh, nadidistribute sa tangkad niya yung Milo :D Buti pa si Patrice :(
December 25th, 2010 at 19:08
Ka inggit ang abs no?
December 26th, 2010 at 16:17
Such a sweetheart! Merry Christmas, Patrice!
December 29th, 2010 at 08:28
il est chaud! omg! nakakahilong pagmasdan… nakadadarang!
December 30th, 2010 at 03:39
#64 marcku —Uy, ngayon ko na lang ulit na-encounter ang salitang yan ah — nakakadarang. Favorite tagalog word of the moment, naninibugho, but it’s quite the opposite for our JWAB above :D
December 31st, 2010 at 09:59
@brewhuh23: tama! ang salitang “nakadadarang” ay sadya atang nilikha para lamang kay mahal na Patrice! :) a safe new year to y’all!