Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column # 8: The Fashionista Boyfriend
Dear Auntie Janey,
My boyfriend is a fashionista. Do people still say ‘fashionista’? Anyway he works in media so he has to keep up with the latest trends. But lately his fashion choices have become too flamboyant and my friends have been teasing me that my boyfriend is gay. Should I tell him to tone down his dressing?
Hesitantly,
Hester
Photo from New York magazine 2008.
Dear Hester,
One of woman’s greatest conceits is the belief that she can completely change a man to suit her purposes. If she has the ability to turn lead into pure gold, she can doubtlessly thoroughly transform a man. If she doesn’t she can just dream on.
One changes when one desires to do so. It is basic in psychotherapy that true change begins when one acknowledges one’s deficiencies and actively tries to alter them.
There are occasions when we can prevail upon a person to change. People are usually at their best when there is a guest, an important event, a formal ceremony, a dress code, a code of conduct to be observed, or are trying to make an impression. These changes, however, are temporary and people always revert to their usual selves when the occasion is over.
Nagging someone about their personality quirks or way of doing things won’t help. It will only make that person defensive and resentful. When we criticize someone, we are attacking them. Attacks have never been welcome. That is why ancient cities built thick walls, turtles hide in shells and we ignore those who make us their makeover project.
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