JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Photo from the Ely Buendia facebook community page

We had a good time watching Quark Henares’s Rakenrol, an affectionate look at Pinoy indie music, but the scene that had us howling with laughter is the one where Jason Abalos is having his dark night of the soul in a convenience store at 2 am. Suddenly his favorite singer-songwriter Ely Buendia appears and guides him through his emotional turbulence.

It’s hilarious because it is clearly a fantasy sequence. Along the lines of Bruce Springsteen dispensing relationship wisdom to the protagonist in Stephen Frears’ High Fidelity. Or Pauline Kael and P.G. Wodehouse pouring me drinks while I’m inventing an article at 3 am. It’s not going to happen.

Although Ely, the band and I did run into Beck at a music store in L.A. in the 90s. He did not explain the meaning of life, though I could’ve used it at the time.

Ely’s answers are in boldface.

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# 1 ariadne: May plano ba kayong tumugtog uli kasama ang inyong mga dating kabanda sa pangatlong pagkakataon? Kung oo, kelan? Kung hindi, bakit hindi?

Wala. Wala, at wala. Bakit? Kasi wala.

# 2 tita: song(s) you wish you had written?

The Jeopardy theme.

# 3 betson: Ano ang nakasagasa sa babaing nasa kantang “Huling El Bimbo” doon sa maliit na iskinita?

pizza delivery

# 4 ariadne: Which song would you give as a piece of advice for people who cannot move on/forward from a previous/non-existent relationship?

I’m Set Free by the Velvet Underground. Or Get Free by the Vines. You get the picture.

# 5 jessicazafra: You don’t seem to age; in fact you look younger now than you did before the heart attack. Is there a supernatural explanation for this, and who in the underworld do we contact? (Kanino namin ibebenta ang aming kaluluwa?)

Please. You make looking young sound like a good thing.

# 6 wenkebach: A book or a story you recently enjoyed?

The Making of Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back by JW Rinzler. Engrossing and fascinating. These books taught me more about the filmmaking process than any film school.

# 7 sirius black: you used to have ‘cursor’ until it last saw print on 2006. any plans of getting reacquainted with the printed word?

I’ve recently started writing again. It’s harder than songwriting because you have to try and make sense. I have an essay on American Football coming out in Esquire Philippines soon.

# 8 mcshrewdy: which habit was most difficult for you to let go for the sake of your health?

Eating junk food.

# 9 dindin: mahirap bang mag-maintain ng damo sa bubong?

Basta maganda ang damo at lupa, madali lang.

# 10 ariadne: I remember reading one of your interviews (in a song magazine ages ago) where you said that you do not expect your fans to grow up with you. Unfortunately, legions of your fans are still there lurking and waiting for a chance to say “We are still here!” What would you tell those fans who have been there since the Eraserheads’ days?

Awww…isn’t that sweeeet? Seriously, makinig na lang kayo kay Lito Camo.

# 11 bangzkie88: Bakit kayo naghiwalay ng asawa mo? (chismosa lang)

dahil mahal namin ang isa’t-isa.

# 12 ea: Hollywood and Local celebrity crushes?

Eva Green. Marion Cotillard.

# 13 shadowplay: What kind of story (or stories) are you most fond of reading?

History. Crime.

# 14 samantha: ano ang mga bagay na gusto mong matutunan ng mga anak mo?

Maglinis ng kwarto.

also, ano ang pinaka-ok para sa yo na reaction ng isang fan kung makita ka niya in public (na hindi official na gig or event)?

Fan: “Hi this is my CD of your newest album. Can you sign it?” Me:”Love to!”

# 15 turmukoy: may mga tumitira ba sa yo na sellout ka na masyado, patikwas-hairdo-hairdo model ka na lang? hindi ba nanay mo lang ang nagugupit sayo dati? tinanong ba nila kung magkano ang kinita mo sa raket na ito? (sana mas mahal ang bayad sa yo ni ben kaysa kila diether ocampo, para worth it naman, ika nga). brief model ka na ba sa susunod?

Relax ka lang, amigo. Hair gel lang yan. Wala ka bang trabaho? Na-breastfeed ka man lang ba ng nanay mo?

wag mo intindihin ang mga ulupong na ito. sa call center sila nagtatrabaho, o korporeyt-eklat na nagpapaalipin rin sa mga kapitalista. padayon lang. tyak yon. amen lang. sakyan.

this is sweet of you, jess. I didn’t know you had it in you hahaha

Wala akong kinalaman diyan, si turmukoy yan.

# 16 cdlaclos: Bakit si Coco Martin ang lumalabas pag nagta-type ako ng “ely buendia naked’ sa Google images?

Aba malay ko.

# 17 ruth: Who’s the fictional character you most identify with?

Mad Max.

# 18 Cacs: May balak ka ba maglabas ng biography mo considering you’ve had close brushes with death? Advance birthday greetings!

I prefer a posthumous biography a la Samuel Clemens. Mahirap magsalita ng totoo dito sa Pinas masyadong sensitive ang mga tao.

# 19 ea: What profession or what do you think you’ll be doing then and now, if you didn’t end up in a band? And curious din ako sa relationship nyo ng ex-wife mo,hindi ba mas komplikado na hindi na kayo pero lagi parin kayo nandyan sa isa’t-isa? Ganon nga ba ung sitwasyon, tama?

Diane and I have a healthier relationship now than when we were younger and together. We will always be family. As long as you’ve buried the past and have mutual respect, I don’t see any problem with working together. Besides, she’s the best manager an artist could want.

# 20 tehanu: mahal kita.

Akala mo lang yun.

# 21 tehanu: pag nakasalubong/nakita ka namin sa mall (halimbawa sa greenbelt), ayos lang ba na istorbohin ka at magpalitrato kasama ka? o naiinis ka sa ganun?

See question no. 14

# 22 ariadne: What/ who was the inspiration for the song Spolarium? Was it really based on Pepsi Paloma?

I will take this secret to the grave.

# 23 cheezmiss: bago ko nakita etong post na eto — ilang araw ko nang naririnig ang mga kanta ng eheads pag nag-g-grocery ako. baket? may kinalaman ka ba dito?

May kinalaman ba ang abaniko sa bagyo?

# 24 the chronicler of boredom: Do you really have a large collection of Chuck Taylors? Ano bang meron sa mga sapatos na ito at gustong-gusto mo sila?

I don’t own chucks anymore.

# 25 cheezmiss: ang babae ba sa magasin ay si rosanna roces? naging prends nga ba kayo dati daw?

Hinde at hinde.

# 27 Momelia: Ano moisturizer mo?

Tubig.

# 28 scheherazade: My question: When you were told that you would need to undergo a major surgical procedure, what was going through your mind?

“Finally. A life or death moment.”

Kuwento lang: In the late ’90s, nakita ka namin ng friend ko na naglalakad malapit sa Sunken Garden. Pasimple kong sinabi sa friend ko na ikaw yata yun at gusto ko sanang lumapit para magpa-autograph at lumandi. Ngunit pinigilan niya ako at sinabing hindi raw ikaw yun.

Later that same day, nakita namin yung kaklase ko na kakilala mo. Tapos sinabi niya na nandun ka nga raw sa Sunken Garden. At dahil dyan, pinatay ko ang aking kaibigan. Sa isip lang pero parang gusto ko talagang totohanin that time.

Carpe diem.

# 29 isablahblah: i’ve always wanted to ask the following:
1. have you seen David Lynch’s Eraserhead? did you like it?

Yes I have, numerous times. I don’t think you’re supposed to “like” it.

2. what was that thingamajig you used in your music video 20/20?

The camera? That’s a piece by artist Gabriel Barredo.

3. why did you name your son Eon?

Because it starts with an E, is easy to say, and lasts a long time.

4. what local film have you watched recently (and liked/loved)?

Kinatay.

When your favorite team wins the biggest prize in the game after 24 years of hard luck and near-tragedy you’re supposed to rejoice, get smashed, and bask in the knowledge that at least once in your lifetime the universe gets it right.

You’re not supposed to be sitting there wondering why you’re less happy than you thought you would be. What is wrong with you?

The All Blacks of New Zealand have just won the Rugby World Cup they have long deserved, defeating Les Bleus of France. The final was so tense that in the last 40 minutes the sinking feeling in your stomach made its way to your soles, anchoring you to the floor like a pillar of dread. You thought the All Blacks were going to lose the World Cup again, and even after the horn had sounded to confirm that they’d hung on by the skin of their bleeding teeth, you’re not entirely convinced that they won.

There’s been a mistake, but what?

Read my column in Interaksyon.com.

Imelda Marcos files bill honoring Muammar Gadhafi
Mosquito Press, 21 Oct 2011

Former First Lady and current Ilocos Sur Representative Imelda Marcos has filed a bill at the House of Representatives, seeking to honor the late Libyan leader Muammar Gadhafi.

“Colonel Gadhafi deserves honor because he is Libya’s longest-serving leader,” Marcos told reporters. “Under Gadhafi, Libya had 10.6% GDP growth — so much higher than 7.6% under Noynoy Aquino. Their population below the poverty line is only 7.6%. Ours is 32.9%. Why did the rebels murder Gadhafi? They should be thankful for him!” Marcos said…Read on

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1. Sino pa nga ba ang magdadamayan kundi sila?
2. He used to fax her? The best fax she ever had?? Cheap shot. Still funny.
3. Otsu: “It would be interesting to find out exactly WHERE in the afterlife they are to meet. I have a notion they won’t need thermal underwear.”
4. Does she want him buried in Libingan Ng Mga Bayani too?
5. Had he survived he would’ve joined the League of the Overthrown Against the Swiss Banking System.

Chart from I Love Charts

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This is a weekly column by Jon Morales. You can reach him at jonnymo@gmail.com or follow him on twitter @jonnymo. Or just post your violent reactions in Comments.

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11 AM Sunday morning. I’m in my underwear laying on my mat on the floor. There’s a girl sitting next to me, fully clothed. So pretty. She’s asking questions about the future into the air and then looking for the answers by opening to random pages of The Noblest Triumph and reading selected passages out loud to me.

It’s me, Yuna.

Ely Buendia’s photo from tumblr fansite

Over lunch Bernard-Henri mentioned that the most famous Filipino composer of his generation is…someone we’d rather not mention at lunchtime.

That’s when it occurred to us that in the category of coolness we will always win the most-famous-Filipino-composer-of-our-generation competition, no matter whose generation is being discussed hahahahaha.

We spotted Ely’s ad for a hair product last week. “Uuyyyy hair model. Why not an underwear billboard?” He had a zinger for that, which is unprintable, unfortunately.

It’s time for our biennial Ely Buendia interview. Got questions for Ely? Post them in Comments.

Questions # 1. You don’t seem to age; in fact you look younger now than you did before the heart attack. Is there a supernatural explanation for this, and who in the underworld do we contact?

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Reader betson pointed out resemblance to Sam Milby. Hah! In the 90s people said he looked like Gardo Versoza. Note age differential.

Isn’t it ‘madilim na eskinita’, eskinita being by definition ‘maliit’?

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We get it, you love Ely. Huwag na kayong mag-maang-maangan pa, sabihin niyo na. (Always wanted to use “maang-maangan” in a sentence.) Post all your questions and messages today and we’ll forward them to him tonight.

And it was always going to be the All Blacks, but Les Bleus got all French and did the last thing we wanted them to do: nearly win. Not a fun game to watch, we were too tense to shriek, and our favorites were outplayed individually but were too strong collectively. (Uhh…that’s why it’s a team sport?) That is the end of our Fremen field trip among the Sardaukar, we are officially rugbied out. Back to Books, Movies and Cats!

Best post-RWC final dinner: Andresa’s ostrich cheeseburgers and Cabernet.