Although he was not the first guy who slept on my bed, he’s the only guy whom I exclusively dated. It was the bitterest August when he added me on BBM. It was fun at first with silly conversations and getting to know stuff and calling each other ‘bro’. Nothing much extraordinary until we did the deed.
It was fun sharing the same interest with someone new. After my relationship with my former girlfriend two years ago, there he came. We had no terms and we discussed nothing about what we were having. I got attracted to him.
From unzipping to pulling of sheets to wiping of mouth and to zipping again, we shared it all. I started to notice however that he’s just the same bisexual guys whom I know. He’s a real flirt. I suspected that what we were having was not exclusive at all. I did not confirm it but drowned myself in pool of tears and agony. I silently hated him but I maintained my composure and way of dealing with him.
Things eventually changed and there became a gap between us. I had no means to change it since I have taken off my access in all networking sites where I used to connect with him. I even decided to use a new phone so as not to have BBM and be reminded of not so happy memories.
What bothers me until now is…now I don’t know what really bothers me. Perhaps he’s the real one who got away. Nope! What bothers me is I miss him so bad. I am still hopeful that we’d be able to bridge the gap between us. I am not even sure if it could still happen.
Do you think he was even interested with me, Aunt Janey? What were his ‘I miss you’ lines then for? He’s gay right? (coz he denies it!!!)
I don’t know where I failed to satisfy his urge of seeing me again. Maybe it’s the drama that I started… I am not sure and it’s too obscure now. Perhaps it’s his relentless effort of dating girls too that made him stop seeing me. I hope I could catch up on things that I lost when I tried to compose myself and reach out to him. If all things continue like how it failed, I hope it will be a better life for me. His stay was short and he scarred me forever,
Scarred you forever, huh. My idea of things that leave you scarred for life, aside from violent accidents and vicious physical attacks, are those which involve psychologically traumatizing events like rape, torture, child abuse, cataclysmic catastrophes, horrible deaths of loved ones, or wicked betrayals by lovers and friends. Yours, if I may say, is not devastating.
Reading your letter was like watching The Lucky One. I eagerly waited for the passionate and cathartic sex scenes and all I got were people groaning under a shower head and people groping each other in semi-darkness. Nothing was going on. But I did enjoy looking at the trees and the dogs.
I think you have too much time in your hands that’s why you wrote this letter which does not really say much. You are not even sure what happened and you seem to have even forgotten what transpired. Why are you dwelling on things you can barely remember? And oh, he was interested in boinking you then he got tired and moved on to boinking others. Get over it.
I sense that you have aspirations of writing creatively but your approach was wrong. You went for effect and totally ignored the plot or character development. This made your writing frivolous.
Let me apply this to your life.
I think you are constantly straining for effect that you miss out what is essential and substantial. You lean on the frivolous side. If you were truly seeking advice, you would have thoroughly remembered whatever “scarring” turmoil you went through and narrated the details as best as you could. Those who truly want to understand get obsessed over the components of the things that baffle them.
One more thing, you’re wondering whether your ex-lover was straight or bisexual? Well, at least now you have something to occupy yourself with.
You can reach Auntie Janey at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you feel your problem is insurmountable and you need to talk to someone right now, call the In Touch helpline for free counselling, (02)8937603.