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Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994
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Archive for the ‘Cats’

The cats are all right.

April 27, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats 1 Comment →

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Report from home: Our feline housemates are fine, despite having tried all the different varieties of emotional blackmail when we were leaving the house last Wednesday. They have a catsitter who shows up everyday. Usually cats can manage on their own with a month’s worth of kibble, but Saffy and Mat are teenagers and someone has to open their canned food. Our catsitter is our cleaning lady, who is devoted to our cats. She did time for defending herself against her abusive husband, so if there are any threats to the cats she’ll shiv them.

Drogon is 3! This week he is The Oracle.

April 12, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Cosmic Things 23 Comments →

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Drogon likes attention, hugs, and parkour.

Happy Birthday, Drogon Targaryen-Targaryen Hiddleston Cumberbatch! The vet says he was about a year and a half when he joined our household and we picked a birthday for him. It’s also the birthday of Koosi, who would’ve been 16 today.

koosi
Koosi

Whenever our feline masters celebrate their birthday they deign to read your future. This week Drogon is The Oracle. To ask a question of The Oracle, you must go out and feed the first stray cat you encounter. Then look into Drogon’s eyes and post your question in Comments and await his reply.

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White Walker-blue eyes.

We have readers who ask the same question every year (pertaining to acquisition of boyfriend, more desirable employment, or both). If you want a different answer, try rephrasing it.

Our secret city is gone

April 06, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Places 3 Comments →

saffy meaulnes

We’ve always stayed in Metro Manila during the lenten holidays. While everyone makes a mad dash to the provinces, enduring traffic, congestion and the infernal heat only to run into the exact same people they encounter daily in the city they have just escaped, we enjoy Manila. Emptied of its frantic inhabitants, this place is actually charming: temporarily quiet, comparatively less polluted and chaotic.

We can tool up and down the highway at top speed and visit the burbs which we never see during the working week. Hence our decades-old plan to shut the entrances to Metro Manila and declare it an independent republic one Black Saturday, preventing the vacation crowd from returning to block our view. Aalis-alis kayo, huwag na kayong bumalik.

In recent years many people have caught on that the best place to spend the long weekend is Manila. (Or maybe there are just more people.) We no longer have the city to ourselves. More restaurants stay open, but they’re all full. You have to make reservations at Old Swiss Inn and good luck getting into Cafe Adriatico. Traffic around the restaurants is as heavy as weekday traffic.

Our secret city is gone. Next year we will contrive to get as far away as possible. (Unless by saying this everyone decides to get out next year, in which case we will stay.)

By Jove, Thor and Toutatis! and other childhood cusswords

March 18, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Childhood 1 Comment →

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Supposedly all women turn into their mothers, and we thought we were spared because we don’t have children (never liked them, even as a child), but we live with cats and the youngest, Drogon, can be a pain. He’s extremely affectionate and hyperactive, and the other night while jumping from our desk he upset a cup of coffee over the papers we were reading and we found ourself uttering an oath we haven’t heard since childhood, when our mother said it.

Lilintianan! That’s Bicolano for “Lightning strike”. She also said Babagratan a lot—that means “Thunder!” (Our ancestors came from the volcano; that’s all the Bicolano we have left.) Which is like saying “By Jove!” or “By Toutatis!” Basically it’s “Hala, kukunin ka ni Thor!” (Yes, please.)

All cats are critics

March 10, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, The Workplace No Comments →

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Saffy: It is faithful to its literary source.
Drogon: There are not enough cats.

Kung hey faaat choy

February 18, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Food No Comments →

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Saffy and her stuffed toy sheep, with a box of the world’s greatest hopia. Delicately flaky crust, finely ground mung bean paste. Hopia that you have to get from Xiamen, since they invented it.