Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Cats’

Monday with Cats

July 10, 2017 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats 1 Comment →

Cat merchandise! Clockwise: Exploding Kittens, a hilarious card game from The Oatmeal; cat button earrings; an “invisible” (clear acrylic) cat pendant from Croatia; and magnets shaped like cat butts, from a store in Singapore.

Actual cat: Here’s Jacob when he was a homeless cat living downstairs a year ago. I fed the strays daily, but they still had a hard life and could not expect to live long. Jacob, in particular, had been run over by a car and has a limp. He’s also too friendly, and once staggered back to the garage wrapped in wire courtesy of some shithead.

Jacob now, three and a half months after he moved in with us. His activities include wandering around the apartment, watching at windows, and learning mixed martial arts with his best friend, Drogon.

Adopt a cat today! Visit a cat shelter and get a furry housemate. Look at these cats and dogs who need you.

When people say, “Shouldn’t you look after people before you worry about animals?” the correct answer is, “We should look after people AND animals.”

If you suddenly died, would your cat or dog eat you?

July 02, 2017 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Food No Comments →

Note: None of the adorable cats and dogs depicted in this article have eaten their humans. (Shutterstock)

Surely the thought has occurred to you. The simple answer is….


Don’t look at them like that. You’ll be dead.

Read it in Big Think.

We’re celebrating my cat Saffy’s 17th birthday! Today she is The Oracle (and temporary shrink).

June 15, 2017 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats 34 Comments →

Saffron Sassafras Saoirse Schmitz Zafra Safin-Sprungli

Happy Birthday, Saffy! Saffy is our very clever cat who specializes in the planning and execution of revenge plots. She is cranky, possessive, and the master of the side-eye. Her favorite activities are sitting on my notebook as I’m writing, sitting on the keyboard as I’m typing, and sharpening her claws on the book I am reading. She is the reigning staring contest champion. While she is a picky (but voracious) eater, Saffy loves all fried chicken so we’re having that for her birthday lunch.

Today and tomorrow you can ask Saffy any and all questions about your personal lives and destinies and she will answer them!

Saffy Strange, Mistress of the Mystic Arts

* * * * *

Dear Saffy,

May you have many, many more happy years to come.

I am usually a jovial person, but lately I have been feeling glum and anxious, especially when I read the news or see people quarreling in my social media accounts. There have been no changes in my living situation or my work, so it must be me. Sometimes I cannot bring myself to get out of bed, other times I cannot sleep. Help?

Gray Clouds

Dear Gray Clouds,

Is your pet lonely? Take this quiz.

June 14, 2017 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Psychology No Comments →

Drogon Targaryen-Targaryen explains the ways of the household to the new cat, Jacob Totoro Howlett.

Take the Lonely Pets Quiz.

Additional question:

When you’re at the computer:

– The cat sits on the keyboard, preventing you from typing.

– The cat immediately goes to her favorite websites.

– The cat ignores you to play with his imaginary friends.

Alien: Covenant—Back into the slimy dark we go

May 10, 2017 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Movies No Comments →

Michael Fassbender does the uncanny valley.

In the not-so-distant future, assuming the species survives its current stupidity, humans might colonize other planets. Before they do I hope they see the Alien movies (and its ripoffs) and think hard about security protocols, especially those concerning contamination. And that they develop powerful portable floodlights because so much mayhem could be avoided if people could see where they were walking.

But back into the murky, slimy dark we go, and once again our guide is Ridley Scott. The movie opens with a flashback to events before Prometheus. Critics didn’t love that movie, either, but I enjoyed it a lot: it raised questions that prompted other questions that got weirder and weirder. In this prologue, the synthetic David (Michael Fassbender) has a discussion with his creator, Weyland (Guy Pearce). David, you will recall, modelled himself on David Lean’s Lawrence of Arabia, down to the hairstyle of that glamorous imperialist. David is disappointed in his creator and his puny species—he, the creature, is obviously the superior being. Here’s where the Alien movies merge with Blade Runner (which Denis Villeneuve is resurrecting): they are the descendants of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein’s monster. Later David even quotes a poem by Mary’s husband, which any Breaking Bad fan should be able to identify.

State of My Household, Summer 2017

May 01, 2017 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats 1 Comment →

Saffy Safin-Sprungli had a check-up and a manicure this weekend. The vet says she is very healthy. She turns 17 in June. I went looking for wet cat food (she’s had several teeth taken out) for senior cats and couldn’t find any. Then again we should probably stick to the same routine and let her eat whatever she wants.

Drogon Targaryen-Targaryen has a habit of leaning against my books and staring at me while I write. He enjoys playing with Jacob and attending dinners at my friend’s house. When we go out he carries on like he’s been kidnapped, but complains when it’s time to go home.