Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Current Events’

Shut the fuck up, idiots.

February 22, 2016 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Sex 7 Comments →


Your feelings and beliefs about lesbians, gays, bisexuals and trans people do not matter. Tapos na ang boksing, nanalo na si Mayweather. This is not open for negotiation. This is not a choice. You will give the LGBT community the respect that is due them as Human Beings, period. You will acknowledge that they have exactly the same rights that you have as a person. If you think that they are somehow inferior to you because they will not have sex with the people you decree they should have sex with, then you are an idiot. You are a troglodyte, go back in your cave.

Yes, you have the right to free speech. That just makes you a loud idiot. You don’t fuck with my friends, asshole. “Ah, kaya ka galit kasi kaibigan mo mga bakla.” Yes, I prefer to hang out with gay people because the ones I know are a hundred times more intelligent, more productive members of society than you homophobic troglodytes. And even if they were not the excellent people I know them to be, they would still be entitled to the same dignity and respect that you take for granted.

We are well into the 21st century, it is time to end the medieval attitudes that have poisoned this nation. This is a great time for rational thought. In the last five years we have confirmed the existence of the Higgs boson and directly detected gravitational waves, but instead of trying to wrap your minds around these astounding accomplishments of Science and Humanity, you trundle out ancient texts that you parrot without the slightest hint of comprehension. You are not only an insult to Science and Humanity, you are insult to your own religion. Oh excuuuuse me, are you holier than your pope? You do know that the scripture you quote dates back to a millennium where the tribe had to reproduce as a matter of survival, and so sex that did not produce spawn was outlawed? Even masturbation was verboten. Don’t wave your dusty tomes at us, we’ve actually read them and placed them in their proper historical context. Have you?

Read it at InterAksyon.

Let’s turn our backs on Pacquiao. Erase him from all your social media accounts.

February 20, 2016 By: jessicazafra Category: Announcements, Current Events 7 Comments →


Ordinarily we ignore the pronouncements of people who get hit on the head a lot in the line of work, no matter how ignorant, vile and barbaric they are. But this person is running for office, this person we have looked upon as our champion. We will not stand for this. You don’t fuck with my friends, asshole.

So delete his picture, his name, any indication of his existence from your blogs, your Facebook Twitter Instagram, all your social media. You don’t have to say anything other than “I have deleted Pacquiao from this post.” The deletion IS the statement. Talking about him will only increase his chances of getting elected. Let’s forget his existence.

We will not have this blight upon our community of human beings. Erase him. You have that power.

* * * * *

To all our straight guy friends: Don’t just stand on the sidelines chuckling as if this were some melodrama that involves only the LGBTIQ and the girls they are friends with. This is not about sex or gender, this is about being human. Don’t just be guys, be mensches. Just do it (Thank you, Nike).

From Benghazi to Ate Vi: The uses of cheese

February 02, 2016 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Movies 2 Comments →


13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi has so many beefy bearded guys in it, we thought we had wandered into a friend’s fantasy sequence. Then we realized that the gratuitous hotness does have a point. Michael Bay’s version of the events at the American diplomatic compound in Benghazi in 2012 is so messy, the only way we could know whom to root for was to look for the hot guys. It doesn’t help that in Libya, everyone has facial hair.

The movie’s not awful, and we’re talking about a director who has plumbed new depths of awfulness with the Transformers movies. It’s thrilling in parts, reminding us how much we enjoyed the early Bay movie, The Rock. It also reminds us that there should be a legal limit to how much slow-motion a filmmaker may use. Worse, it has no notion of geography. We don’t know where the American installation is relative to anything, which part of the villa Ambassador Chris Stevens is in, where the attackers are coming from…jeez, we can’t even tell which ones the attackers are. But show us John Krasinski in a tight t-shirt, and immediately we know whose side we’re on. (Good for you, Emily Blunt, please make an action thriller with your husband.)

Read our reviews at InterAksyon.

Urgent Miss Universe question (plus proof that in the Phl you don’t have to watch the news to get the news)

December 21, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events 8 Comments →

From juror RickyV: If you were Miss Colombia, what would you do?

We know what we’d do if we were the host: Enter the witness protection program.

Proof that in the Philippines you don’t have to watch the news to know the news.

At 1124hrs we wake up (we slept late because we’re binge-watching Fargo) and check our messages. Our sister said: “Proof that I live in the bakla capital—the collective scream in my neighbourhood as Miss Philippines was declared Miss Universe.”

Then Ricky’s text: “omg you have to watch Miss Universe kahit last 15 minutes. nakalimutan ko ang star wars.”

Then my sister explained what had transpired. Note: She didn’t watch the pageant, either, she just got an update from her Viber group.

Back to Ricky: “I hope you avoid spoilers for this one!”

Too late. But this is even better than a straightforward win because it has so much drama. Telenovela! Oppression (though unintentional) quickly followed by justice!

We remembered to text our congratulations to Jeffrey, who works with Jonas Gaffud at beauty queen training camp. He said: “Both Colombia and the Phils were gunning for their third title. Kung pinagawa na naman ni Stella Marquez kay Barazza, who is Colombian, yung national costume and evening gown natin and Colombia won over the Phils, she’d be massacred.”

Gunning? Natin? And can one person be massacred? But such is the Pinoy obsession with beauty pageants.

Serial, season 2 has begun

December 12, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Podcast No Comments →


In May 2014, a U.S. Special Operations team in a Black Hawk helicopter landed in the hills of Afghanistan. Waiting for them were more than a dozen Taliban fighters and a tall American, who looked pale and out of sorts: Bowe Bergdahl. Bergdahl, a U.S. soldier, had been a prisoner of the Taliban for nearly five years, and now he was going home.

President Obama announced Bergdahl’s return in the Rose Garden, with the soldier’s parents at his side. Bergdahl’s hometown of Hailey, Idaho, planned a big celebration to welcome him back. But then, within days—within hours of his rescue, in fact—public reaction to his return flipped. People started saying Bergdahl shouldn’t be celebrated. Some of the soldiers from his unit called him a deserter, a traitor. They said he had deliberately walked off their small outpost in eastern Afghanistan and into hostile territory.

Hailey canceled its celebration. The army launched an investigation. Finally, in March, the military charged Bergdahl with two crimes, one of which carries the possibility of a life sentence. Through all of this, Bergdahl has been quiet. He hasn’t spoken to the press or done any interviews on TV. He’s been like a ghost at the center of a raucous fight.

Now, in Season Two, we get to hear what he has to say.

For this season, Sarah Koenig teams up with filmmaker Mark Boal and Page 1 to find out why one idiosyncratic guy decided to walk away, into Afghanistan, and how the consequences of that decision have spun out wider and wider. It’s a story that has played out in unexpected ways from the start. And it’s a story that’s still going on.

Get Serial.

Profiling the voters: What your choice of presidential candidate says about you

December 08, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Election News Junkies Support Group 2 Comments →

Your choice for President is Jejomar Binay.

You think that the administration of President Benigno Aquino III has been a flop. You have become more discontented with your lot in life since 2010. You see that the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, and every day the gap grows wider. You want a chief executive who is close to the masses. Gestures like attending your relative’s wake really mean something to you. Allegations of corruption do not bother you. Observing Philippine politics has turned you into a cynic: you have concluded that everyone steals anyway, so you might as well support someone who gives something to the poor, be it free movies or a birthday cake. What did those political elites ever do for you? When people make fun of the candidate’s height or appearance, they mock you as well.

Your choice for President is Rodrigo Duterte.

You believe that the biggest problems of the Philippines are lawlessness and a lack of discipline. You’ve reached the conclusion that left to their own devices the Filipinos will descend into anarchy and chaos, and that the only way to stop this is to elect a leader who will rule with an iron fist. Perhaps you are nostalgic for the Marcos regime, or being too young to remember it, harbor grand illusions about the “New Society”. In any case you believe that criminals do not deserve due process, and should be punished immediately. Human rights violations do not bother you because you think that your own human rights are already being violated by law-breakers. Not only are you pro-death penalty, you want an instant death penalty for criminals. In the event that the executed turn out to be innocent, they are acceptable collateral damage. You want a leader who will scare the people into obeying the rules.

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