Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Election News Junkies Support Group’

Hell yes.

December 12, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Election News Junkies Support Group, Science 23 Comments →

Something amaaazing has happened. It’s one of those choices that are so obvious and right, we can’t believe it was actually made.

US President-elect Obama has named Steven Chu his Energy Secretary. He picked an expert for the job.

Chu is the head of the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory. He won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1997 for his work on supercooled atoms. He has pushed for research on solar energy and biofuels. He advocates controlling greenhouse emissions. And he’s an employee of the US Department of Energy!

Critics note that Chu is not a politician, so he might not survive Washington. What, you think someone can run a government laboratory without political skills?

Given that amaaazing things are happening, let’s allow ourselves to think that someone with all the necessary qualifications plus a well-developed conscience can become the next President of the Philippines. (Naturally we are assuming that the 2010 elections will go on as scheduled.) Who would you nominate for President of the Philippines? Someone qualified and viable—we’ll worry about “winnability” later. Yes, you love Manny Pacquiao, but he’s done enough for this country. No, seriously, you can’t nominate Pac-Man. Name your candidates.

Look at the nominations so far. Hope ticket, or Despair ticket?

The Obama Industry

December 02, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Election News Junkies Support Group, Money 2 Comments →

Since the Americans are so pleased with themselves for making the choice that was obvious to everyone else in the world (and we congratulate them), here’s something that could help kick-start the US economy: the Obama industry. Sales of President-elect Barack Obama’s books and audiobooks, books about Obama, election memorabilia, T-shirts, mugs, and pins with Barack’s face on them, could keep retailers afloat in these hard times.

Obama books

Photo: Display at Fully Booked, Bonifacio High St. (“High Street” doesn’t sound right next to the name of the leader of the Philippine Revolution, so I will call it “Bonifacio Heist”.)

Happy Clucking Thanksgiving

November 27, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Election News Junkies Support Group No Comments →

From our crush soon to be at the White House (Are they there yet? Are they there yet?)

Happy Clucking Thanksgiving

Thanks to The Bone for the sketch.

Harkonnen storm Arrakeen!

November 13, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Election News Junkies Support Group 4 Comments →

Duke slain! Atreides heir lost, presumed dead.

Dunes, Paoay
Photo: Dunes, Paoay

The winners of our Alternate History headline-writing contest are:

“Elected, Shocked, Dead.

“Surprised by own victory, McCain suffers heart attack.” by Juan.

NO-BAMA!” by Cacs.

No, we can’t” by wengkisantos.

Honorable mention: “Garci in DC” by walterrobles.

Juan, Cacs, wengkisantos, please post your mailing addresses in the Philippines. 

Thanks to everyone who sent in their entries. We were supposed to pick just one winner, but what the hell.

Alternate History headline contest

November 10, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Election News Junkies Support Group 109 Comments →


This is brilliant: A collage of dozens of newspaper front pages (via Boing Boing) the day after the US Election. I didn’t notice if it includes the Philippine Daily Inquirer headline: “Black in the White House”. 

Newspapers usually have a back-up banner in case something else happens (Dewey Defeats Truman being the classic example). If John McCain had won, what might have been the headlines the following day?

Would the Inquirer have gone for “White In The White House”? My options would include: “Same Old, Same Old”, “What a shock”, and “Let’s move to another planet.”

Time for a contest! Compose a front-page headline for a McCain win. Winner gets a copy of Stars and Bars by William Boyd, to be mailed to a Philippine address. The deadline is Thursday. Remember: headlines should be short.

The poetic and the profane

November 10, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Election News Junkies Support Group 1 Comment →

Photo: Obama fist thump from

An Open Letter to Barack Obama from Alice Walker (The Color Purple)

“One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. . .” Read Alice Walker’s letter.

And because a poetic president needs a foul-mouthed enforcer to make sure the job gets done, a vocabulary lesson from White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel.

Washington, D.C. – “Fucknutsville”
Republican – “Knucklefuck”
What his mom fondly calls him – “little shithead”
How he ends phone calls to donors and candidates – “Fuck you. I love you.”
His message to the Republicans after the Democrats took back the House in 2006: “Since my kids are gone, I can say it. They can go fuck themselves!”