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Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994
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Archive for the ‘Famous People’

Farrah Fawcett vs Evil Cabbie

July 10, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Famous People, Television 2 Comments →

In 1983 when she was doing a play in New York, Farrah Fawcett took a gypsy van (colorum taxi) driven by this horrible man who pointed a screwdriver in her face and demanded all her money. Well she wasn’t the action heroine of our childhood for nothing. Blank on Blank recreates/remixes that encounter from a 1994 TV Guide interview.

Listen to our podcast interview with James Yap’s counsel Atty. Lorna Kapunan, right here.

April 03, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Famous People 6 Comments →

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Eavesdrop on our conversation with Atty. Lorna Kapunan, legal counsel of James Yap. Obviously we discuss the ongoing Kris Aquino-James Yap caseā€”at least the parts that can be discussed in public. Then we talk about family law, men’s rights, spousal abuse, things to remember before you get married, community property, why there is no divorce in the Philippines, the legal profession and political office, and how to hang on to your soul when everyone is selling theirs.

Podcast episode 2.2: Atty. Kapunan, Un-Gagged.

P.S. The exact quote from Henry VI is: “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

Is this the worst cover story ever, or is it a joke?

January 17, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Fame, Famous People, Language 5 Comments →

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According to the article, fame is like Aztec human sacrifice. To quote our favorite review of one of the later Star Wars, “Break me a fucking give.”

VICE has called Esquire’s interview with Megan Fox The Worst Thing Ever Written. Yup, it’s drivel. But is it sincere drivel, or is it meant to be a joke? Come on, Aztecs, leprechauns, Bigfoot…

Deep in her house, Megan Fox and I are discussing human sacrifice. I tell her about an Aztec ritual practiced five hundred years ago in ancient Mexico during the feast of Toxcatl, when the Aztecs picked a perfect youth to live among them as a god. He was a paragon, beautiful and fit and healthy, with ideal proportions.

Fox has been telling me about the toll that celebrity has taken on her, how the only way to keep from bending to the outside is to bend within. She’s sitting on a sectional sofa in workout clothes and a sweatshirt that hide her body, her knees folded beneath her.

The sacrifice’s year was filled with constant delight, I tell her. He danced through the streets adorned in luxurious clothes given to him by the master, decked in flowers and incense, playing magical flutes that brought prosperity to the whole world. He had eight servants and four virgins to attend to his every need, and could wander wherever he pleased. But at the end of the year, when the feast of Toxcatl came around again, the perfect youth had to smash his flutes and climb the stairs of the great temple, where the priests would cut out his heart and offer it, still beating, to the sun.

Megan Fox is not an ancient Aztec. She’s a screen saver on a teenage boy’s laptop, a middle-aged lawyer’s shower fantasy, a sexual prop used to sell movies and jeans.

“It’s so similar. It totally is,” she says quietly…

Megan Fox will not go willingly to have her heart cut out.

Keep reading this drivel.

This breathless bad prose is grammatically correct, unlike many magazine articles we have read.

Crease Maass

December 11, 2012 By: jessicazafra Category: Famous People 1 Comment →

Chloe on Sandwiches: Vine-frightened raspberries chased with komodo meat

December 03, 2012 By: jessicazafra Category: Famous People, Food 4 Comments →

How to deal with despair in a world where Kardashians exist

July 22, 2012 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Famous People 7 Comments →

The Merging of Kim Kardashian and Soren Kierkegaard in TNY