JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994
Subscribe

Archive for the ‘Tennis’

BBC presenter apologizes to Bartoli for something Pinoy presenters say all the time (Updated)

July 08, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Tennis 8 Comments →

bartoli

The BBC presenter John Inverdale has apologised to the Wimbledon champion Marion Bartoli for describing her as “not a looker” shortly before her win on Saturday, calling his remarks clumsy and ham-fisted.

Opening his coverage of Sunday’s men’s final for BBC 5 Live, He said he had written to the player to apologise “if any offence was caused”, after his comments a day earlier sparked a furious response.

The BBC was forced to apologise after Inverdale, speaking before Bartoli’s match against Sabine Lisicki, told listeners of Radio 5 Live: “Do you think Bartoli’s dad told her when she was little: ‘You’re never going to be a looker, you’ll never be a Sharapova, so you have to be scrappy and fight’?”

Continue reading at the Guardian.

Tapos yung mga di kagandahan, sila pa ang malakas manlait sa anyo ng iba. (Self-loathing?) Sino nga ba ang madalas na nagmamaganda?

* * * * *

a_560x375
From Cooper and Butler: A Wimbledon Love Story, at Vulture. Uuyyy, selfies. Below them, the President of Serbia.

Text exchange with two sportswriters

Us: And while Britain weeps for joy, Scotland declares independence and names Andy Murray president.

LeK: Wahaha! Ees about time. Sean Connery for prime minister!

Us: Dali! Sulsulan mo in exchange for a lifetime supply of single malt.

LeK: Good deal. Let’s all take the high road!

Us: Well you do have a personal stake in the fate of the Scotch, este Scots.

LeK: Of course. Noon pa, Scotland Forever. What Robert the Bruce started, Andy, Sean, Nessie and I will finish!

FireQ: Hahaha! What do you think of this small group pissed kasi hindi raw 77 years ang British drought because there are women who won during that period?

Us: Kuraz! Hindi ba Ingles si Virginia Wade?

FireQ: Yup, pero parang namimilosopo na sila hehe.

Us: Baka kasi sabi ng tatay nila hindi sila kagandahan kaya’t kailangang mamilosopo.

In order to play tennis well, you have to make your brain shut up.

June 26, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Tennis No Comments →

double fault
Double Fault by Lionel Shriver (We Need To Talk About Kevin) is one of the finest novels ever written about tennis. If you ever spot it, snap it up. We’re amazed that it’s not better-known, and that it hasn’t been adapted for film. It’s about two professional tennis players who fall in love and marry each other. A terrible idea. Extremely competitive people working in the same field should not marry each other. The dating period will probably be fun, but in the long term, when one of them realizes that the other is more successful at what they do, there will be trouble. (Especially if the less successful one is actually better, just less lucky.)

* * * * *
The game may be as mental as it is physical, but playing it well entails making the brain shut up. At my worst, my head is crowded with imperatives—first and foremost, though you’d think this would go without saying, WATCH THE BALL! Then: Step into the shot! Hit the ball in front of you! Get your racket back! But these clamouring edicts are an impediment to obeying them; they so clutter my mind that I might as well have strewn a clatter of gardening tools on the court itself.

Why is having hit the ball correctly thousands of times before never any guarantee of hitting it properly this time? That is the central puzzle of tennis, a mystery on parade at Wimbledon as well as in public parks. Even professionals will abruptly futz a shot they’ve hit dazzlingly since they were five.

Part of the answer is that there is no “this shot.” Any impression of having hit a ball before is an illusion. “Baseline forehand” is a crude umbrella under which cluster a constellation of infinitely various circumstances. Geometrical elements make every shot distinctive: angle, velocity, spin, and bounce. More interestingly, emotional variables pertain. How confident do you feel today? Did you lose the last point? Did you lose the last ten points? Are you still a little pissed off that your partner showed up 15 minutes late? Are you focused, or merely telling yourself to focus? That is, are you dwelling fully in the moment, or did you just start debating lamb patties vs haddock for dinner?

For tennis tantalisingly offers perfect inhabitation of the present tense, what drummers call playing “in the pocket.” During brief, intoxicating periods of hitting at the top of your game, the mental cacophony quiets, and there’s no longer any space between “telling yourself” to do something and doing it. This flow state seems like not thinking. In fact, it is perfect thinking.

Read My tennis obsession by Lionel Shriver at Prospect.

Watching tennis calmly

January 27, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Tennis 4 Comments →

2
Novak Djokovic: World number 1 and king of donkey cheese, has just won his third straight Australian Open title.

Having released Roger Federer from the obligation to ensure our happiness by winning everything, we have been watching the Australian Open with unnatural calm. Walang manok, eh. It’s not half or even a quarter as much fun as rooting for a player, but there’s also no probability of a nervous breakdown or post-game depression. Until recently it would take us days to recover from a Federer loss; now we can watch him shank the ball at a crucial point without bursting a blood vessel.

We still haven’t found the next player we’re going to root for. Djoker is much nicer now that his results justify his kayabangan, but our loyalty fluctuates. Mike says Djokovic has budol-budol powers. For the definition of budol-budol, check out the PNP website. Presumably Mike means Djoker can hypnotize his opponents into thinking there’s more to his game than there really is.

Last year we rooted for Murray (unless he was playing the Fed) because we felt bad for Britain. Now that he’s won an Olympic gold and a major, he no longer has the kawawa factor. Raul says Murray is actually kind of hot now—winning is the best beauty treatment. Plus Lendl has been making him work out more, hence those thighs.

We enjoy watching Tsonga, especially when he dives for the ball. Is he ever going to win a major?

It’s a little worrisome that The Next Big Star hasn’t appeared; we’re not sold on Tomic or Raonic. The Top 4 (Djoko-Fed-Murray-Nadal) are so far ahead of the field, we wonder what will happen to men’s tennis when they stop playing. By this time we should know who our next bet is. When we “adopted” Roger Federer he was an 18-year-old in a ponytail and over-sized clothes; now he’s a 31-year-old with perfect hair and good suits. Where is the future? Who’s next?

Four by four in slams

September 11, 2012 By: jessicazafra Category: Tennis 7 Comments →


Jennifer Connelly, Paul Bettany and their son Stellan at the US Open

So Andy Murray defeats Novak Djokovic in a five-set thriller to end Britain’s 76-year slam drought. Well done. We always thought Murray’s best chance would be at Melbourne or Flushing Meadows, and he finally locked it up. Now the British can stop going on about lost glory, the end of the empire, etc.

Interesting that Sir Sean Connery turned up at Murray’s press conference last week. Connery is the most high-profile supporter of Scottish independence. Murray of course is Scottish. So if Britain is broken up (though current polls say most Scots are opposed to independence), will Britain still have a grand slam?

With his US Open victory, Murray becomes the favorite at the Australian Open (also played on hardcourt). Ayyyy don’t buy the favorite label Andy! Then there will be talk of a calendar slam…don’t listen!

Interesting: The four slams in 2012 were won by the top 4. The first was won by Djokovic, who was then ranked number 1 in the world; the second by Nadal, then ranked number 2; the third by Federer, then number 3; the fourth by Murray, number 4. And they all won on their favorite surfaces, in the places where they (the first 3) bagged their first majors. Symmetry.

Meanwhile: Ampunin si Ampon! The Case for a Filipino Legend in the Tennis Hall of Fame.

Our podcast episode 4 is up. (Updated)

September 10, 2012 By: jessicazafra Category: Podcast, Tennis 4 Comments →

The winner of our Apology for Gurgliness contest is jaime!

The question was: What would our guest Mike do if a victorious tennis player tossed his/her sweaty towel at him?

jaime’s answer: “If it’s Sharapova, he would wring the towel and put it in a vial. Then he would wear it on his neck.”

He added that if it were another player he would have the towel laundered and have it framed, but we’ll accept that answer. Congratulations! Your prize will be delivered to National Bookstore in Rockwell on Monday.

* * * * *


Marat Safin is now in the Russian Parliament. Someday he will be president. Good or bad for humanity? We say great.

It’s the Tennis episode with guest, filmmaker, director of commercials, tennis trivia-head Mike Alcazaren. We cover the year in slams, tennis tantrums, future Russian president Marat Safin, the ideal length of tennis shorts, and why there are no tennis movies. Then we launch our campaign to get Filipino tennis great Felicisimo “The Mighty Mite” Ampon into the Tennis Hall of Fame. Ampunin si Ampon!

The weekly podcast is available for streaming or download here. You can also subscribe to it on iTunes.

Thanks to JT’s Manukan for treating us to dinner!

Massive apologies for the sound quality—we were so busy yakking, we didn’t monitor the recording or check the playback. Just think of it as the Spongebob Squarepants episode, recorded in a pineapple under the sea.

Thanks to Ricky and Manny for tweaking the sound file, and to our podcast site manager Ren for uploading the episodes every week.

By way of an apology for the gurgliness, here’s a giveaway.

You can win these Ancient Aliens seasons 1-3 DVDs by answering this question:

What would our guest Mike do if a victorious tennis player tossed his/her sweaty towel at him?

Post your answer in Comments. All correct answers qualify for the raffle.

(more…)

Roger Dodger

August 22, 2012 By: jessicazafra Category: Places, Tennis 4 Comments →

From Robin in New York:

So we were at Lady M, a cakeshop on the Upper East Side, kinda near were we saw Aling Martha Stewart…and who walks in?

RF in the flesh!

An avid fan asked for a picture with him but he politely declined.

In fairness, mabango siya and malinis ang paa…

Reminds us of a gag from high school.
- May ipagtatapak ako sa yo.
- Ano yon?
- Paa.

And of Tennis Mike’s rankings of players’ feet at the Shanghai Open. (Gay Tennis Mike, not Het Tennis Mike. We must know 100 Mikes. Not, alas, Magic Mike.)

Oh good, Roger’s eating cake. No Anna Wintour in the entourage?

Send sightings, photos, questions, and stuff that doesn’t fit in the posts to saffron.safin@gmail.com.