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Congratulations to writer-director Chris Martinez, co-producer Joji Alonso of Quantum Films, and the fabulous cast of Here Comes The Bride: their movie has reportedly crossed the Php100 Million mark. Blockbuster! I’m with the audience on this one: It’s hysterical! Here is a genuinely funny movie with greatish performances by Tuesday Vargas, Jaime Fabregas, John Lapus, Eugene Domingo, and Angelica Panganiban. Angelica is so effective as a sweet girl possessed by a raging bakla, we all agree that she can keep Derek Ramsay.

I’m particularly happy for Joji, who has patiently and generously supported independent Filipino film (Jeffrey Jeturian’s Kubrador, Bing Lao’s Biyaheng Lupa and others) despite the limited commercial prospects. That’s a true believer; I can’t think of anyone more deserving of a hit.

Writing the English subtitles for Here Comes The Bride was a challenge because some of the funniest lines are in Tagalog gayspeak. How do you translate the dialogue into American English without going into detail? Gayspeak is such a rich, complex system rooted in Filipino pop culture—how do you translate it for non-Tagalog speakers who don’t know the context? I’ll tell you how: by locking yourself up in a cold room with pots of coffee.

This was the most headachey bit to translate. In the scene where beautician I mean image stylist Ricky Rivero visits the bride-to-be to do her make-up, Angelica Panganiban pops out in full make-up, coiffure, and beachwear and says:

“Apir apir apir! Hindi na uso yan. Wisik-wisik na lang. Masdan mo ang beauty ko, tataas ang kilay mo!”

A literal translation wouldn’t work. “Up here, up here, up here! That’s not fashionable anymore. Just a splash of water. Look at my beauty, your eyebrows will raise themselves.” Not just dull, but not even gay.

I slept on the problem, and the following morning I came up with this. “Appear, appear, appear! No need for make-up here. Just a spritz here and there, throw your eyebrows in the air.” What do you think? Actually I don’t care what you think, Chris and Joji liked it.

Name some winners of the Nobel Prize in Literature who have been in this situation. Hah!

We spotted this beach hat at Swim in Power Plant Mall (on the second floor, beside the Fred Perry store that is under construction).

It’s so big, it can provide shade to an entire family. Take it off your head and put it on the sand, and you can serve lunch on it. If only it fit my giant head.

Our third entry to the Prince of Persia costume design competition is “ideal for S&M parties or people gunning for the Jennifer Beals role in Flashdance”.

Designer: The Kicking Pinoy.

Where’s your design? Send it to urban.matthias@gmail.com before noon on Wednesday, 26 May 2010. The prize watch is literally ticking.

Photo: Raymond Red and John Sayles at the private screening of Amigo.

On Saturday we saw an early cut of John Sayles’s Amigo (formerly titled Baryo), a film set in the early days of the Philippine-American War. It’s a work-in-progress, not yet color-graded or completely scored (though the quiet works), but already 50 IQ points higher than other films about invasion, war, and colonialism.

Joel Torre stars as the cabeza of a village in Luzon at the turn of the 20th century. Ronnie Lazaro plays his brother, the head of the Katipuneros encamped near the village, Rio Locsin his devout wife, John Arcilla his conniving brother-in-law, and Chris Cooper as the head of the American troops who descend on the village in search of the President of the new Republic of the Philippines, Emilio Aguinaldo. I can’t wait to see the finished version. Amigo offers perhaps the most cogent summary of Philippine history between the Spanish and American periods: “We’re being fucked at both ends.”

There is an excellent Filipino movie set in the same period: Virgin Forest, arguably the best film directed by Peque Gallaga, written by Uro dela Cruz. Leo says Amigo could be viewed as an episode from Virgin Forest. Virgin Forest has probably the best summary of Philippine history after the American invasion: “The Americans arrived and taught us to watch movies.”

Thanks to John Sayles and his producer and partner Maggie Renzi for allowing us to see the movie. Thanks to Jaime Augusto Zobel for lending us MyCinema. Spot the ironies in this paragraph.

Ice cube tray by Martin Margiela. It’s not for sale, Ricky got it by exploiting the minute flaw in the shoes he bought at their Hong Kong store, expressed with poor puppy eyes.

File under “Things you don’t really need that feel like absolute necessities”.

Last week when I was wearing my colored wire earrings by James Reyes two women asked me where I got them and whether they could order some. “They’re bespoke,” I told them.

Yesterday James presented me with two more pairs of earrings he’d constructed out of household items. These are made of paper and glue.

And these were made out of an old comb.

I love my new earrings, and the fact that I’m never going to run into anyone wearing the exact same designs. On the other hand we may be missing out on a small fortune. Maybe James and I should go into the accessories business: he could handle the creative side and I could be the showroom.