JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

On a recent visit to Save The Words, a site which promotes the use of words threatened with extinction, we adopted the first two that leapt out at us:

which means “eating or consuming everything” and

which means “full of broth or soup”. By adopting these words we commit to using them as often as we can. Later it occurred to us that both words are concerned with eating.

Last Thursday we attended the opening of the Complementary Medicine Center at St Luke’s in Bonifacio Global City. As Consolata and I were leaving the building we saw the media massed in driveway, cameras aimed at the doors.

“Dammit,” I said, “My serfs have leaked my whereabouts to the paps again.”

“It’s so hard to get good help these days,” sighed Consolata, presenting his favorite angle to the lenses.

“But wait,” I recalled, “I don’t have serfs.”

No, the media were waiting for the husband of the former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo to leave the hospital for his appearance at the Senate committee hearing on corruption. The Arroyos are under investigation for alleged pamphagous behavior on many jussulent deals, including the purchase of helicopters. (My adopted words would live longer if their applications go beyond the culinary.)

That morning it had been reported that the former president’s scheduled surgery had been postponed due to an infection. By lunchtime we had all received the text joke about second-hand implants at least thrice. People can be so uncharitable. Would they be kinder if the medical emergencies did not always coincide with summons from the Senate? Probably not.

“Next we will hear that the former president’s condition will require medical treatment abroad,” Kermit said at dinner (where, pamphagous eater that I am I had the porchetta, the cheese, and the M&Ms). How cynical we are. Yesterday’s headline: “Docs advise GMA to get treatment abroad, says camp.” The news would be more jussulent if it weren’t totally expected.

The official Zombadings tote bag modeled by harried yet fabulous writer-producer Raymond Lee.

Apelonyo, allancarreon, Tara and shadowplay, ang tataroush ninyo! You get the official Zombadings 1: Patayin Sa Shokot Si Remington tote bag and pin. Please post your full names in Comments (they won’t be published) so you can claim your prizes.

Tara, shadowplay and allancarreon: You can pick up your prizes any time at Wild Ginger restaurant in the basement of Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. Just tell the staff you’re picking up your prize from this site. Apelonyo, we’re waiting for your full name.

Here are excerpts from the winning entries, for your delectation and amazement.
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Sali na sa paligsahan ng pagsasalin!

Translate Raymond Queneau into Baklese and win one of these.

Do you want the Zombadings bag with the matching Awaaard! filmfest button? You can have one if you’re proficient in Baklese or gay lingo. Some people still call it swardspeak, though gay men have long ceased to be called “sward”. They have returned the term to gardening, where its original meaning is “an expanse of short grass”.

Here’s an example of a translation: from the writers of Bubble Gang in 2007, Bahay Kubo in Baklese. As its speakers know, Baklese is a dynamic, swiftly-evolving language that incorporates elements not only from other languages such as Tagalog, English, Visayan, but from a variety of fields and disciplines.

For instance, Friedrich Nietzsche is not someone we usually associate with gay culture, but he may have contributed to the language. He titled his autobiography Ecce Homo, after the words uttered by Pontius Pilate in the Vulgate Bible. “Ecce homo” led to “Etching” or “Etchos” as in “Ano na namang etching yan?” which was later shortened into “Chos” as in “Ang salitang yan ay nanggaling pa sa may-akda ng Thus Spake Zarathustra. Chos!”

Now for the exercise. The French author Raymond Queneau wrote Exercises in Style—99 variations on one unremarkable story, told in a variety of styles. Below are three of these variations. Translate them into Baklese, bearing in mind that they all tell the same story but require different ways of telling.

We are using the translation by Barbara Wright.
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Anderson Cooper says it’s bad to describe something, say, electric cars as “gay”.

“I was sitting in a movie theater over the weekend,” he said during an Ellen guest appearance, “and there was a preview of a movie, and in it, the actor said, ‘that’s so gay,’ and I was shocked that not only that they put it in the movie, but that they put that in the preview, they thought that it was okay to put that in a preview for the movie to get people to go and see it.

“I just find those words, those terms, we’ve got to do something to make those words unacceptable cause those words are hurting kids. Someone else I talked to recently said that the words people use and the things people say about other kids online, it enters into their internal dialogue. And when you’re a kid, it can change the way you see yourself and the way you think about yourself, and the worth that you give to yourself…”

Ergo it is bad to describe CNN anchors as gay even when we mean happy. Oh, Anderson. Mahal ka pa naman namin. You should come to Manila. We say “Ang bakla!” and “Hoy, bakla” all the time. To girls.

The full story in HuffPost.

For years and I mean years I’ve been after Danton Remoto to write an official essential dictionary of gayspeak. “Oh yes,” he always says, “the GayDic. We’re working on it.”

“You’ve been working on it for years,” I point out.

“But my co-author wants it to have the proper research, citations, bibliography. . .”

“Tigilan ako ng academic ek,” I say. “The thing is to put it out as quickly as possible because gayspeak is so dynamic, it changes constantly, by the time your book is in stores its contents will be dated.”

“I know, I know. . .” Then he runs for public office. Still no official dictionary of gayspeak.

And now the straight guys have beaten him to it.

True, the subject is technically showbiz lingo and not gayspeak, but who do you think invents the stuff? It’s like jazz, all riffs.

And it’s not a dictionary, but a collection of ruminations on contemporary language (riffs on riffs).

And the author is Jose F. Lacaba a.k.a Ka Pete of Days of Disquiet, Nights of Rage, Mga Kagila-gilalas na Pakikipagsapalaran, the screenplays of Bayan Ko: Kapit Sa Patalim, Sister Stella L and others, and the Showbiz Lengua column in Yes! magazine.

Ka Pete ponders the etymology and usage of taray, kikay, krung-krung, carry-carry, kaposh, and other “words that usually have no dictionary existence” that have crept into everyday Filipino speech anyway.

You need this book to explain why we sound like this today.

Showbiz Lengua: Chika & Chismax about Chuvachuchu is available at National Bookstores, P295. Or you could win a copy in this week’s LitWit Challenge. Category: Best story written in gayspeak.