JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Personal blog of Jessica Zafra, author of The Collected Stories and the Twisted series
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Archive for January, 2020

What are you waiting for, the apocalypse? Enroll in Jessica Zafra’s Writing Boot Camp in March and write that story now.

January 27, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Announcements, Workshops No Comments →

Time to write your story before we all run out of time.

Jessica Zafra’s Writing Boot Camp consists of two Saturday sessions from 1-4pm. The Nexus Center is at 1010 Metropolitan Avenue, Makati.

On March 21 we will discuss the writing process, do writing exercises, and plan what you’re going to write.

On March 28 you will present your first draft for analysis and comments.

It’s easier than you think, and it makes for good therapy. (And no one has ever had a nervous breakdown in our workshops. I don’t believe in crushing your ego, the world will do it soon enough.)

Cost: P10,000 including snacks.

Early bird rate if you enroll before Feb 15: P8,500.

You have to be over 21 to join this workshop.

To book a place, email saffron.safin@gmail.com.

We will accept only 30 participants.

I’ve just finished my first short story for 2020. Here’s an excerpt.

January 25, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Art, Books 6 Comments →

The Adventuress
by Jessica Zafra

for Jeffrey Jeturian

She was very beautiful, so she always had her way. Throughout her childhood people told her parents that her beauty would bring them great fortune. To her parents, low-level bank employees this meant she would become a beauty queen or a famous actress, and they would never have to work again. Her education was spotty—what was the point, she wouldn’t need it—and she was shockingly ignorant. Barely was she out of diapers when talent scouts came knocking. As a child she appeared in TV commercials. In her teens when she entered beauty pageants the other girls fell silent and burst into tears, for how could they possibly compete with her? One fashion designer declared that she looked like Rita Hayworth—this was before the Internet, so no one could Google what he meant. She automatically qualified for the semifinals on the basis of sheer beauty, but she was lazy and petulant and made no secret of the fact that she thought everyone was beneath her. Her parents begged and wheedled to no avail, and soon she was a perennial also-ran and there were no more contests that would have her.

A talent manager got her parts in a few movies, but she always came late and unprepared and couldn’t be bothered to remember her lines. Not even the casting couch, where she held sway, could make producers abandon profit. And then it was the Nineties and she was 25.

At a bar in Malate she was chatted up by a Saudi Arabian man in his late 30s. His Armani shirts, Ralph Lauren jeans, Gucci loafers and gleaming Rolex announced that he was the man she and her parents had been looking for. A week later she was living in his suite at the Hotel Intercontinental, which soon became crowded with shopping bags from Manila’s most expensive stores. She only had to look at a dress or a piece of jewelry, and he would buy it for her. She had found her calling, which was to be kept by a rich man. It was not as if she had negotiable skills. The objections of her parents, church-going people, were quickly overriden by gifts of large flasks of French perfume, a Louis Vuitton clutch bag, and the latest Nike sneakers for her younger siblings. Six months later the Saudi Arabian bought her a condominium in a nice building in Legazpi Village—a studio, but it was just the beginning. When she had a child they would move into a posh gated subdivision like Corinthian Gardens, where she could have maids and drivers.

Two months later, without a word of warning, he announced that he had to return to Jeddah to marry a proper Muslim girl. There was nothing he could do, his parents had commanded it. She railed and threatened to slit her wrists, but three days later he was gone.

So she went to Malate, to the bar where she’d met the Saudi Arabian, and got roaring drunk. By midnight she had kicked off her shoes and was dancing on top of a table surrounded by ogling, cheering men with their tongues hanging out. At 3am she passed out. When she woke up at noon she was lying naked in bed with a man who was also naked. He gazed at her, and said in a funny accent, “Would you like to marry me?”

End of excerpt. To get access to the whole story and to a new story every month, consider being our patron on Patreon.

As with most of my stories, this one is mostly true. I heard it from my friend Ligaya who has lived in Paris since the 90s. I wrote it for my friend Jeffrey, whom I met in 2000 when I interviewed him about his movie. The following year I tagged along when he presented the movie at the Venice Film Festival. It was my first trip to Europe.

Suddenly my Patreon account has come to life with people who want to read the rest of the story. Thank you! Whenever I finish a short story I will post an excerpt and make the whole story available to patrons. Hmm, I should post my unfinished stories as well, maybe you can tell me what happens next.

Blake, astrology, and animal rights: Cram notes for our book club meeting on Saturday, 25 January 2020

January 19, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Books No Comments →

Reminder: Our first Bibliophibians Book Club meeting for this decade is on Saturday, 25 January 2020. Book: Drive Your Plow Over The Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk. Time: 4-6pm. Venue: Tin-aw Art Gallery at Somerset Olympia, Makati Avenue beside the Manila Peninsula. It’s our last book club meeting at Tin-aw (sob), which closes temporarily at the end of the month.

If previous book club meetings are any indication, many of you will be cramming the book this week. Good luck, because as with Tokarczuk’s Flights, Drive Your Plow… requires focus, i.e. you can’t read it while watching The Witcher, even if both works are by Polish authors haha. But Drive Your Plow… has a more conventional structure than Flights, and it also has an engagingly bonkers narrator. If you love animals, you will find much to relate to.

Some information you might find useful:
1. It’s a murder-mystery where the detective is kind of like Miss Marple if she practised astrology.
2. The murders are grisly and involve animals. In fact the detective insists that animals perpetrated the crimes as a form of revenge.
3. The narrator is helping her former student translate William Blake, the 18th century English poet (and artist and printer and also magnificently bonkers) into Polish. Each chapter begins with lines from Blake’s Auguries of Innocence; as you go along you realize that Blake is the key to the mystery. (Blake and serial murderers: See Thomas Harris’s Red Dragon, where Hannibal Lecter first made an appearance.)

Auguries of Innocence
by William Blake

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour
A Robin Red breast in a Cage
Puts all Heaven in a Rage
A Dove house filld with Doves & Pigeons
Shudders Hell thr’ all its regions
A dog starvd at his Masters Gate
Predicts the ruin of the State
A Horse misusd upon the Road
Calls to Heaven for Human blood
Each outcry of the hunted Hare
A fibre from the Brain does tear
A Skylark wounded in the wing
A Cherubim does cease to sing

(Continue reading at Poetry Foundation)

See you on Saturday. Everyone who’s read the assigned book is welcome.

If your New Year’s resolution is to read more books, this is for you

January 15, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Announcements, Books No Comments →

Why do we even bother with the Oscars?

January 14, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Movies 2 Comments →


J.Lo in Lorene Scafaria’s Hustlers, which got zero nominations

Public interest in the Oscars has fallen. The choices are mostly predictable. The ceremony is preceded by dozens of other awards ceremonies, so by the time it rolls around we’re tired of seeing everyone mouth the same platitudes. Media coverage focuses more on the outfits than on what exactly the nominees have done. The Academy is tired and needs freshening up. More than banning stylists so the nominees have to dress themselves, more than providing drunken Olivia Colman acceptance speeches, the Academy needs to pay attention to the times.

Why do I care? Force of habit and a lifetime of watching the telecast. Occasionally the Academy shocks me by agreeing with my choices, but not this year. Seventy-five percent of my actor bets didn’t even get nominated. Why? Here are some guesses


Adam Sandler in the Safdie Brothers’ Uncut Gems, zero nominations

Adam Sandler. “Because he’s Adam Sandler, a comedian, not to be taken seriously.” “Pushy Jewish hustler from New York–isn’t he just being himself?” Sandler will get his usual revenge by making a crap movie that you all will watch.

Lupita Nyong’o. “She’s in a Jordan Peele horror-comedy, we just acknowledged Get Out recently.” “Doesn’t she already have an Oscar for playing a slave?” Lupita will have her usual revenge by being Lupita.


Lupita Nyong’o in Jordan Peele’s Us, zero nominations

Jennifer Lopez. “Pole-dancing performer using her sexuality–isn’t she just being herself?” “Because she’s J.Lo, not to be taken seriously.” J.Lo will have her usual revenge by being J.Lo. And reminding you all that she’s 50.

Brad Pitt. “Yes, he’s just being himself, but we old white guys just want to be Brad Pitt.”

100 Favorite Books, 2020 edition

January 01, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Books No Comments →

Every year (since 2012) I post a list of my 100 favorite books. That’s exactly what it is, a list of my favorite books: not a canon, not a prescription, not a greatest books compilation. The list changes a little every year—some books are replaced, with much regret, and sometimes they come back later. What these titles all have in common is the sheer pleasure I have gotten from reading them. If you’re looking for something to read, I recommend these highly.

Note: The first time I made this list I noticed that 75 percent of them were written by men. I realized that this was because most of the books I read were by male authors. From then on I made a conscious effort to address the imbalance by reading more books by women. And I found that their work spoke to me, and they became my new favorites. Last year the list achieved parity, this year there are 51 books by women and 49 by men. (I consider The Book of J, a section of the Old Testament translated by David Rosenberg, as having been written by a woman.) Seriously, why did I never take Little Women, a book I had always loved, seriously? It took the anticipation for the new film adaptation by Greta Gerwig to make me realize this. Was it because it was a book for girls and therefore inferior to, say, Huckleberry Finn?

PS There’s some cheating involved. I count all the Jeeves and Wooster stories as one book when in fact they take up several volumes. The five Patrick Melrose novels I count as a single book.

This list will change again next year. I have just discovered Dawn Powell. For more discussion of these 100 Books, follow me on Instagram @jessicazafrascats.

100 Favorite Books, 2020 edition (in alphabetical order)
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