Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for April, 2013

Westeros Valley High: Prom night is coming.

April 30, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Television 4 Comments →

Hilarious! We want Molly Ringwald to appear as Catelyn Stark and Alicia Silverstone as Cersei Lannister. And Footloose-era Kevin Bacon as Tywin Lannister.

Almost forgot another star from the teen-movie pantheon: Lindsay Lohan as Lysa Tully-Arryn-(read the books).

Next we review the theatres showing Iron Man 3

April 30, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Movies 16 Comments →

Iron Man 3 set photo from Collider

Number of times we’ve seen Iron Man 3: Two. Read our spoiler-free first-day review at InterAksyon: It’s not the suit, it’s the man.

On opening day we caught it at Power Plant Mall Cinema 1. Our ticket was for the 3pm show. We arrived at 2:55pm, only to find that the movie had started early. We missed the entire prologue set in 1999.

Yesterday we saw it at Shangri-La Mall Cinema 3. The screen was so dark, the night scenes were barely visible. Hey, projection room!

Tsk, tsk. We may have to watch it again for the optimal viewing experience.

GIF from the Iron Man 3 tumblr (which contains spoilers)

Where did you watch Iron Man 3? How was the theatre?

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Aha, we weren’t imagining things! Shangri-La Cinemas, madilim talaga ang projector ninyo.

Thanks for the reports, readers. Fire away.

Cats vs. male models

April 29, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats 3 Comments →


Us: What was that on your neck?
Mat: What?
Us: A black dot, like an insect. Was that a louse?
Mat: I do not have lice.
Us: It hid in your fur! (Fur inspection)
Mat: I do not have lice.
Us: How can you have lice? We applied the spot-on treatment to all you cats a month ago. And you didn’t have lice then.
Mat: I do not have lice. You are imagining things.
Us: It could be sucking your blood! Do you feel ill?
Mat: Well I am hungry.
Us: No, you’re not. You ate five minutes ago.
Mat: Maybe the lice consumed all the nutrients so I need more food.
Us: You’re not hungry.
Mat: I am if I have lice.
(Unscheduled grooming of all feline residents follows. No lice detected.)

Reminder: It’s summer, time to give the animals their anti-tick thingies.

* * * * *

Our cats are generally well-behaved (lazy) unless they know we’re bringing them to the vet, whereupon they howl and act like they’re being kidnapped. But sometimes we’re awakened at 5am by a massive ball of fluff landing on us. Wild rumpus! They’re chasing each other across the house, screeching and air-fighting (where they make like they’re scratching each other but don’t make actual contact). Our house turns into Where The Wild Things Are. (Not to be confused with Lord of the Flies, which they do sometimes when we’re away for more than a week.)

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Brilliant site: Des Hommes et des Chatons. Male models vs. Cats!


Verdict: The cat has the more intellectual expression. Also, he’s reading words and the guy is looking at pictures.

LitWit Challenge: Write a story about a magical object that must be destroyed. (We have a winner!)

April 28, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Contest 23 Comments →

There were three finalists in this LitWit Challenge: jaime, Cacs and joyeah.

jaime’s story is well-written and gross, which is not necessarily a bad combination except that it doesn’t have actual magic in it.

Cacs’s story is our favorite because we like big intergalactic battles, but the magical objects aren’t actually in it. It’s really a trailer for the magical objects story.

joyeah’s story has character, plot, movement. It has a sense of place. We can see the tale unfolding like a movie.

The winner is joyeah. (Applause.) Congratulations, joyeah! You can pick up your prize at the Customer Service counter of National Bookstore, Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati any time in the next 8 weeks. Just give your full name. Their number: (02)8974562.

Watch for next month’s LitWit Challenge. If you have any suggestions, let us know.

The LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our generous friends at National Bookstore.

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The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy are available at National Bookstores. These editions, about Php565 per book.

The assignment: Write a story of at least 500 words in which the character/s must destroy a magical object.

The prize: A set of J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy classic about a magical object that must be destroyed.

Post your entries in Comments. Entries will be judged soon after they are posted. As always, cliche openings will be mocked most cruelly. Remember: It’s not easy to destroy a magical object. It will defend itself, or find defenders.

We’re accepting entries until 12 noon on Sunday, 28 April 2013. The winner will be announced shortly after that.

This LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

Manila, Enveloped

April 28, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Books No Comments →

Manila Envelope 4: The Best Contemporary Filipino Novelists was launched yesterday at Sala Bistro in Greenbelt.


Manila Envelope is an occasional literary and cultural journal published by David Guerrero/Sanserif Inc. The previous editions appeared in 2005, 2006, and 2008. This edition is a collection of excerpts from published or forthcoming novels by 13 Filipino writers from all over the world, including FH Batacan (based in Singapore), Sabina Murray (US), Miguel Syjuco (Canada), Bino A. Realuyo (US), and R. Zamora Linmark (We’re not sure, he travels constantly).


We selected the pieces in the collection with the help of Zack Linmark, who contacted the writers for permission to print their work. Our very generous contributors sent us extracts they had chosen themselves.

It comes in a cardboard case.

The original title of ME4 was The Best Young Filipino Novelists. (We got the idea from Granta’s 20 Best Young British Novelists issue, which appears every ten years.) When we finally went to press this year, we decided to change the title to reflect the current reality (ouch).

With a user’s manual.

Yodel Pe designed ME4, with illustrations by Rizza Garcia and Rachel Teotico.

Manila Envelope should hit bookstores in a few weeks. The special edition retails for Php799; a regular edition will also be available. If you want a copy of the limited edition pronto, please contact the publisher at

The Hand

April 27, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Clothing, Television 1 Comment →


We don’t wear wrist accessories because we write in longhand and bracelets get in the way, but we really like this turquoise-y cuff Lee got us in Davao. Thanks, Lee!

Something to take your mind off the temperature: Argue with The men of Game of Thrones, ranked according to hotness. Booooooooo. Tyrion should be number one.