Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Health’

At least it was a literary disease

July 02, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Health No Comments →

Ivan Karamazov and the devil

What exactly happened to me? Contrary to reports—though it is flattering to think that my medical condition would interest anyone—I did not have a stroke or fall down the stairs, nor did anyone have to break my door down to rescue me. (If you started these rumors, I hope you are not too attached to having skin because I will have you flayed alive.) Ironically, a battery of tests has proven that I am in rude health. I don’t even have high blood pressure, how did that happen?

As a literature major I get a kick out of telling people I had “brain fever”, a 19th century catch-all term for any inflammation of the brain. Practically everyone in Victorian and Russian novels had it: Pip in Great Expectations, Catherine in Wuthering Heights, Victor Frankenstein in Frankenstein. In The Brothers Karamazov, Ivan had it just before he was to defend his brother on the charge of murdering their father. When he had brain fever he saw the devil, who looked like a nouveau poor landowner.

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Proof of Life

June 20, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Current Events, Health 3 Comments →

proof of life
From left: Francine Medina Marquez, Stella Arnaldo, us, and Edd Fuentes. Photo from Stella’s Instagram.

At lunch yesterday our media friends brought us up to date on stuff that transpired while we were sleeping and whose ass we should go Ramsay Snow—Bolton now that he’s been legitimized–on. Tsk, tsk. Our blades are sharp. As they say at the Dreadfort, A naked man has few secrets, a flayed man none.

Vote for the world’s biggest air filter at Cannes

June 15, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Health, In Traffic, Science No Comments →


Boysen KNOxOut’s Project Edsa, the murals which make up the world’s biggest air filter, is in contention for the ACT Cannes 2014 prize.

Watch the Boysen Project Edsa video here (leftmost, third from the top) and click on the heart to cast your vote on Facebook.

Voting ends on 19 June.

ACT Responsible is a Switzerland-based, non-profit organization that collects the best ads promoting sustainability, equitable development and social responsibility in a bid to highlight how creativity is used to raise awareness on the world’s major issues.

Ask us a question and we’ll answer in a sound file

June 13, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Health 31 Comments →

saffy drogon nap
Saffy and Drogon taking a nap.

Aaargh, we’ve been described as “incoherent” and “non-responsive”. Even if we had brain fever at the time, we don’t like it. So ask us a question, any question, in Comments from today till Sunday and we’ll post the answer as an mp3.

Tina says “brain fever” sounds like we caught something during an archaeological expedition in Victorian times and have to check into a sanatorium in Baden-Baden or Davos where we sit looking at the mountains with a blanket on our lap…while agents from British Intelligence pass us notes.

* * * * *

Here are the answers to the first three questions:

The next two questions:

More questions:

Thanks for posting your questions! Turns out we are incoherent and disorganized, but that’s our normal level of incoherence and disorganization.

A glitch in my brain

June 11, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Health 4 Comments →

Image from Wired

On Monday the 26th the thing I feared the most came to pass. My brain developed a glitch so I could not understand anything. People were talking to me, but my vocabulary had vanished. When friends said “Hello” at the hospital, I could only reply like a cartoon pirate: “Arr.”

I remember regaining consciousness on the floor of the shower and thinking I was late for a 4:30 appointment. It must’ve been past 6 pm. I threw on a shirt dress, which I am later told was on backwards, and looked for a pair of shoes to wear. For some reason this was exhausting, so I left the house wearing flip-flops. Already I had a notion that something was wrong: I never leave the house in tsinelas.

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Easing back to work

June 11, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Health, Pointless Anecdotes, Television 6 Comments →

BBFH on Kalayaan near Rockwell, telephone (02)8957305.

Our one-week post-hospital house arrest ended yesterday! First thing we did, we went to the salon because our hair had gotten brittle, probably out of sheer boredom. Yes, that is the name of our suking parlor (Jay Lozada cuts our hair, but they do the hot oils, henna, pedicures, etc.) on Kalayaan Avenue near Backwell and Amapola, which has been around since 1939 and whose clientele includes my Jedi master (the hair that survived the dark side must be cared for).

The retro-ness of the name! Who is the “him” exactly? Who cares, they have the best chicharon, pastillas and roasted peanuts in the city. And the hairdresser confirmed that our hair has gotten thin, but it should get fat again in no time.

Our hair having been attended to, we’ve started writing again (our penmanship came back after an hour or so) and tried to reconstruct our lost time. According to the building janitress, on Monday the 26th when our brain tried to kill us, she discovered us sitting on the stairs. She says that for two hours we just sat there not answering questions, with our eyeballs white like Bran Stark warging into his direwolf.

Hodor! Our column is coming up.