Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Health’

What you won’t do for your hair

July 29, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Health No Comments →

The hair care industry nets billions and billions of dollars globally, and a large chunk of that money is from consumers who don’t even have hair. People will try anything to ward off baldness, from expensive transplants to drug treatments to massages or quack cures. In their desperation to keep their remaining hair or add even a handful of strands to it, highly intelligent people unleash their inner gullible moron.

And don’t get us started on wigs. There’s delusion, and then there’s self-delusion. We know you’re wearing a toupee, even if you use three of varying lengths so your hair seems to be growing! Then there are the attempts at misdirection, such as the ponytail that supposedly diverts the onlooker’s attention from the sparseness of the hair on top of the head.

Granted, bald/balding people tend to be the butt of jokes, especially in the Philippines where those who look different are mocked most cruelly by people who are less attractive than they are. And not everyone looks better bald like Ed Harris or Jason Statham.

As far as we can tell, the thickness of one’s hair is determined by genetics, diet, stress level and styling habits (Obviously too much coloring and blow-drying will hurt your hair). There are drugs that promise to cure baldness—oddly enough, the best-known ones were discovered while researchers were working on cures for other things. However, the drug that is supposed to end baldness reportedly ends the sex drive as well, so if the reason you want to grow hair is to attract female companionship, think hard.

The hair care brand Novuhair has taken botanical ingredients that are known to promote scalp health and combined them as a natural solution to hair loss.

Novuhair 2-in-1 Plus 1
Novuhair 2-in-1 Plus One Pack is available at Php4,980 in Mercury Drug Stores and all other drugstores nationwide.

Its active ingredients include moringa oleifera (malunggay), panax ginseng, virgin coconut oil, as well as the essential oils of rosemary, peppermint and lavender. These help improve blood circulation and increase nutrient flow to the scalp, thereby addressing hair loss.

Do you have a solution to hair loss? Let us know in Comments.

At least it was a literary disease

July 02, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Health No Comments →

Ivan Karamazov and the devil

What exactly happened to me? Contrary to reports—though it is flattering to think that my medical condition would interest anyone—I did not have a stroke or fall down the stairs, nor did anyone have to break my door down to rescue me. (If you started these rumors, I hope you are not too attached to having skin because I will have you flayed alive.) Ironically, a battery of tests has proven that I am in rude health. I don’t even have high blood pressure, how did that happen?

As a literature major I get a kick out of telling people I had “brain fever”, a 19th century catch-all term for any inflammation of the brain. Practically everyone in Victorian and Russian novels had it: Pip in Great Expectations, Catherine in Wuthering Heights, Victor Frankenstein in Frankenstein. In The Brothers Karamazov, Ivan had it just before he was to defend his brother on the charge of murdering their father. When he had brain fever he saw the devil, who looked like a nouveau poor landowner.

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Proof of Life

June 20, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Current Events, Health 3 Comments →

proof of life
From left: Francine Medina Marquez, Stella Arnaldo, us, and Edd Fuentes. Photo from Stella’s Instagram.

At lunch yesterday our media friends brought us up to date on stuff that transpired while we were sleeping and whose ass we should go Ramsay Snow—Bolton now that he’s been legitimized–on. Tsk, tsk. Our blades are sharp. As they say at the Dreadfort, A naked man has few secrets, a flayed man none.

Vote for the world’s biggest air filter at Cannes

June 15, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Health, In Traffic, Science No Comments →


Boysen KNOxOut’s Project Edsa, the murals which make up the world’s biggest air filter, is in contention for the ACT Cannes 2014 prize.

Watch the Boysen Project Edsa video here (leftmost, third from the top) and click on the heart to cast your vote on Facebook.

Voting ends on 19 June.

ACT Responsible is a Switzerland-based, non-profit organization that collects the best ads promoting sustainability, equitable development and social responsibility in a bid to highlight how creativity is used to raise awareness on the world’s major issues.

Ask us a question and we’ll answer in a sound file

June 13, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Health 31 Comments →

saffy drogon nap
Saffy and Drogon taking a nap.

Aaargh, we’ve been described as “incoherent” and “non-responsive”. Even if we had brain fever at the time, we don’t like it. So ask us a question, any question, in Comments from today till Sunday and we’ll post the answer as an mp3.

Tina says “brain fever” sounds like we caught something during an archaeological expedition in Victorian times and have to check into a sanatorium in Baden-Baden or Davos where we sit looking at the mountains with a blanket on our lap…while agents from British Intelligence pass us notes.

* * * * *

Here are the answers to the first three questions:

The next two questions:

More questions:

Thanks for posting your questions! Turns out we are incoherent and disorganized, but that’s our normal level of incoherence and disorganization.

A glitch in my brain

June 11, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Health 4 Comments →

Image from Wired

On Monday the 26th the thing I feared the most came to pass. My brain developed a glitch so I could not understand anything. People were talking to me, but my vocabulary had vanished. When friends said “Hello” at the hospital, I could only reply like a cartoon pirate: “Arr.”

I remember regaining consciousness on the floor of the shower and thinking I was late for a 4:30 appointment. It must’ve been past 6 pm. I threw on a shirt dress, which I am later told was on backwards, and looked for a pair of shoes to wear. For some reason this was exhausting, so I left the house wearing flip-flops. Already I had a notion that something was wrong: I never leave the house in tsinelas.

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