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Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994
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Archive for the ‘World Domination Update’

Calling Filipino expats, OFWs, immigrants. It’s time to enlist in the World Domination Project.

October 01, 2017 By: jessicazafra Category: Announcements, World Domination Update No Comments →

I will be traveling often in the next five months to talk to you wherever you happen to be right now. Join the World Domination Project Facebook page (run by Bubbles) to get updates and set our meetings.

You can also email me at koosama@gmail.com.

Thanks to Rommel in NZ, Patricia in France, Patrick in BKK, Hendrick in Dubai, Leah in Munich for the emails. Talk soon!

I’m looking for OFWs to interview in Tokyo and Yokohama in September

August 30, 2017 By: jessicazafra Category: Announcements, World Domination Update No Comments →

I am going to Japan in late September (21ish to 27ish) for some world domination research and I plan to interview overseas Filipino workers. The interviews are fairly simple and uncontroversial: how they wound up working in Japan, what their typical day is like, whether they have Filipino friends there, and what their aspirations are. The project is privately funded. The interviewees do not have to share their names and personal details (unless they want to).

If you are a Filipino based in Tokyo or Yokohama, or if you know Filipinos based in Tokyo or Yokohama, please get in touch with me. You can leave me a message in Comments, or email me at saffron.safin@gmail.com. If you prefer Facebook, please contact Bubbles at facebook.com/bubblesmagpayo2. Thank you!

And does anyone know how to get in touch with Evelyn Eleanor the host of Oh Tokyo?

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Thank you for all the replies and referrals! Looks like I’m going to do a lot of interviews during my trip. Special thanks to Pepe for pointing me to the videoke bar in Yokohama where the Pinoys hang out.

Let’s Buy Spain update: Filipino brand Emperador buys Spain’s Fundador

December 02, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, World Domination Update 1 Comment →

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Bodegas Fundador

Listed liquor company Emperador Inc. owned by tycoon Andrew L. Tan has acquired Fundador Pedro Domecq, Spain’s largest and oldest brandy, in an “all-cash” deal worth 275 million euros, or P13.8 billion, the Inquirer learned Monday.

The purchase solidifies Emperador’s position as the world’s largest brandy company and makes the Tan-led firm one of the largest foreign investors in Jerez, the brandy capital of Spain. Under the deal closed on Saturday in Madrid, Grupo Emperador Spain S.A., a company owned by Emperador Inc., will acquire the brandy and sherry business of Beam Suntory in Jerez.

Aside from Fundador Pedro Domecq, the acquisition includes Terry Centenario, Spain’s top-selling brandy; Tres Cepas, Equatorial Guinea’s leading brandy; and Harvey’s, the United Kingdom’s top sherry wine. These brands carry a unique heritage and market leadership position in their respective categories, Emperador said in a statement furnished the Inquirer.

Fundador, or “founder” in Spanish, was the first brand to be marketed by Pedro Domecq Loustau in 1874. Made from Airen and Palomino grapes, Fundador was the first brand marketed as a Brandy de Jerez and is aged in a sherry-soaked Solera.

Read the full report. Thanks to Antiquary Anne for the alert.

To refresh your memory: Let’s Buy Spain.

Iñaki, ang tsinelas ko!

9 years, 9 stories: Travel, music, and world domination

September 27, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Music, Travel Diary: Turkey, Traveling, World Domination Update No Comments →

Travel
From 2013: Turkey Travel Diary, featuring some of the handsomest cats we’ve ever seen

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Music
From 2008: Sad, Sadder, Saddest, in which we wound up at a “Lost 80s” concert.

Either all the ticket-holders had already gone inside, or they were all late, because there were no queues of any sort. Ernie went up to some people standing by the flower beds and asked them if they needed tickets.

Sad: They all said, “Hindi kami manonood niyan (We’re not watching that),” with matching expressions of loathing.
Sadder: A woman glared at Ernie and said, “I already have tickets.” What she meant was, “Extra tickets to an 80s concert is a problem I don’t need.”
Saddest: Later, Grungella realized that they probably mistook Ernie for a scalper.
Positively funereal: Being mistaken for a scalper to A Flock Of Seagulls show.
Lugubrious: They literally could not give the tickets away!

World Domination
From 2012: Let’s Buy Spain. We can afford it, it would be our revenge for three centuries of colonial oppression, and we can call them our muchachos and muchachas.

The World Domination Theory applied to Philippine-Chinese relations

July 06, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, World Domination Update 1 Comment →

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At Tina’s birthday brunch someone mentioned that due to the One Child policy in China and the common preference for male children, there will be, if there isn’t already, an imbalance in the male to female ratio in their population. Apparently if ultrasound tests showed that the fetus was female, many couples chose to terminate the pregnancy and try again for a male child. Leading to a shortage of females.

Right now our relations with China are strained due to territorial disputes. We know they are bigger, stronger, richer than we are. However, we are not entirely powerless in this situation. We have leverage: our culture is the friendliest, least xenophobic on the planet, and we have a surplus of females who have difficulty finding suitable partners because the most attractive ones are gay.

Therefore it is in the best interest of both countries to maintain friendly relations. Filipinas need husbands, and the Chinese need wives. In fact, their need is greater than ours. Due to systemic ineptitude in the job market, Filipinas have been migrating to other countries for decades, and they have no trouble finding husbands abroad (Hence our entertainment personalities and national sports teams). Filipinos have an excellent track record at marrying foreigners; the Chinese not so much. But the Chinese need to marry because unless their cloning capabilities can make up the shortfall, they’re going to be underpopulated in a generation or so.

So be nice to the Filipinos, because who do you think you’re going to marry?

This is our idea so we get dibs on Tony Leung provided he still looks like the 2046 edition.

World Domination Research: Maid in Paris

October 29, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: World Domination Update 2 Comments →

I had two and a half hours to kill in Abu Dhabi airport, and not being the luxury goods shopping type, I decided to do some research on the progress of the Filipino campaign for world domination. The Philippines is not one of the countries that immediately come to mind when one says “world domination”, but that is because people always look at the wrong criteria: wealth, or military strength, or imperial history.

Even if they do look at the right metric—global influence—their interpretation of the data is too conventional. It does not occur to them that the Philippines has been quietly taking over the world for four decades—centuries more, if you consider earlier waves beginning with the galleon trade—by sending out workers to build outposts of Filipino culture all over the world. The millions of Pinoy domestic helpers, seamen, professionals and expats out there are the agents of world domination, biding their time until we get organized and formally conquer earth.

Read our column at InterAksyon.com.

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We forgot to mention that every time anyone near us sneezed or coughed, she would cover her nose and mouth and mutter, “Ebola”.