JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Photo: The Carina Nebula Panorama from NASA’s Astronomy Picture of the Day archive.

Last night as we were leaving Silk in Serendra we beheld a sight that caused our heads to do the Linda Blair 180-degree spin from The Exorcist.

Seated at a table outside Mamou’s were BB Gandanghari, Gretchen Barretto, and Chavit Singson.

It was mind-bending, like seeing a year’s worth of tabloids take human form and order drinks. In the general stupefaction no one thought to take a picture.

Admittedly fear was a factor. You know what one of them is capable of. Yes, Gretchen is terrifying.

What could they talking about? If there were four of them I’d be worried about the Apocalypse. More likely they were discussing something innocuous like kitchen tiles or sunscreen, but we’d like to think that the lives of the. . .famous are so much more exciting than ours. In this case we are absolutely certain that the lives of the. . .famous are so much more exciting than ours.

I reported this cosmic occurrence to several friends. Bernard-Henri noted that the three of them together is perfect casting for the next movie by the National Artist. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Apat Na Alas Sa Taguig (Oh God, You Must Be Kidding!)

Another conversation I have on a regular basis.

Televiewer: Hey, I really enjoyed that interview you did on TV last week.
Me: I’m not on TV.
Televiewer: That interview? On TV? Last week? I really enjoyed it.
Me: I wasn’t on TV last week. Haven’t done a TV show since 2002.
Televiewer: But I just saw you on TV! You interviewed si kwan, sino na nga ba yon.
Me: I swear to you I am not on television.
Televiewer: Oh! It was Jessica Soho.
Me: Ah! Premature senility. (I just thought this. One tries to be polite.)

Last week Lee had a birthday party in Bellini’s Marikina. I got the invitation by text and I thought she meant Bellini’s in Marikina Shoe Expo. Turns out there is a branch of Bellini’s in Marikina near the market in Riverbanks. From Katipunan you keep going and turn right on the second bridge after you see the big shoes. Bellini’s Marikina is run by Daniele, the son of Roberto Bellini of Pisa the ex-paparazzo frequently confused with Roberto Benigni. It has the same food and decor (that funny mural and the Leaning Tower replica) as the original restaurant in Cubao. Seven or eight years ago I had a birthday dinner at Bellini’s. A dozen guests, and the bill came to less than P3,000. It’s a lot more expensive now.

Who should appear but the actual Jessica Soho. I discovered that she’s known JayLo longer than I have, and he did her hair in the 80s. She says he gave her a hairline; he tries to shorten my giant forehead. So there: Jessica and I have been in the same place at the same time, ergo we are not the same person.

Ricky Jay, sleight of hand artist, actor, Mamet collaborator, narrator of the film Magnolia, author, on Susan Boyle, exposure, and the audience’s expectations.

CONFLATE, if you will, the extraordinary attention lavished on the unlikely 47-year-old Scottish songstress Susan Boyle, whose rise and fall played out recently on the television program “Britain’s Got Talent,” and the reaction accorded to one Mathew Buchinger some time earlier in the Council Chambers in Edinburgh.

Because of their appearance, both Buchinger and Ms. Boyle were saddled with low expectations. This can work to the performer’s advantage: lessened anticipation coupled with high ability can bring on an exponential acceptance.