Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Sex’

Hey Packyou, you’re also wrong about animals

February 29, 2016 By: jessicazafra Category: Science, Sex 1 Comment →


Few creatures can boast of devotions so deep as greylag geese. Most are monogamous; many spend their decade-long adult lives with the same goose, side-by-side in constant communication, taking another partner only if the first should die. It’s a remarkable degree of fidelity, and it includes relationships of a sort that some humans consider unnatural.

Quite a few greylags, you see, are gay. As many as 20 percent by some accounts. That number might be high: It includes those males who first take a male partner but later pair with a female, or whose first bond is with a female, but after she dies, takes up with a gander. That said, plenty more are exclusively homosexual from beginning to end.

Which raises the question: Why?

That’s puzzled quite a few scientists—those who study greylag geese and also the hundreds of other animal species in which homosexuality is, confoundingly, found. After all, evolution is driven by reproduction. In animals, that requires—self-cloning reptiles not withstanding—the union of opposite sexes. Through a reproductive-success lens, homosexuality would appear counterproductive, if not downright aberrant. It’s certainly not aberrant, though, considering its ubiquity.

Read Why Are So Many Animals Homosexual? at Nautilus.

Shut the fuck up, idiots.

February 22, 2016 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Sex 7 Comments →


Your feelings and beliefs about lesbians, gays, bisexuals and trans people do not matter. Tapos na ang boksing, nanalo na si Mayweather. This is not open for negotiation. This is not a choice. You will give the LGBT community the respect that is due them as Human Beings, period. You will acknowledge that they have exactly the same rights that you have as a person. If you think that they are somehow inferior to you because they will not have sex with the people you decree they should have sex with, then you are an idiot. You are a troglodyte, go back in your cave.

Yes, you have the right to free speech. That just makes you a loud idiot. You don’t fuck with my friends, asshole. “Ah, kaya ka galit kasi kaibigan mo mga bakla.” Yes, I prefer to hang out with gay people because the ones I know are a hundred times more intelligent, more productive members of society than you homophobic troglodytes. And even if they were not the excellent people I know them to be, they would still be entitled to the same dignity and respect that you take for granted.

We are well into the 21st century, it is time to end the medieval attitudes that have poisoned this nation. This is a great time for rational thought. In the last five years we have confirmed the existence of the Higgs boson and directly detected gravitational waves, but instead of trying to wrap your minds around these astounding accomplishments of Science and Humanity, you trundle out ancient texts that you parrot without the slightest hint of comprehension. You are not only an insult to Science and Humanity, you are insult to your own religion. Oh excuuuuse me, are you holier than your pope? You do know that the scripture you quote dates back to a millennium where the tribe had to reproduce as a matter of survival, and so sex that did not produce spawn was outlawed? Even masturbation was verboten. Don’t wave your dusty tomes at us, we’ve actually read them and placed them in their proper historical context. Have you?

Read it at InterAksyon.

50 Shades of Bored? Watch Secretary instead.

February 16, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Movies, Sex No Comments →

Gyllenhaal! Spader! From a short story by Mary Gaitskill.

50 Shades of Harang

February 11, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Movies, Sex No Comments →

Admittedly, I saw the movie because I expected it to be awful. In fact I wanted it to be terrible, because it’s fun to write reviews of bad movies, especially if they have legions of clueless, sensitive defenders. Now I wish it were awful, not just because it’s deathly boring, but because its core audience will probably agree with me. I am united with the 50 Shades fandom, Noooooo!

Even before the movie opened, media outlets had noted the lack of chemistry between the leads, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan. Dakota, daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, looks very much like her dad, so if you have a Miami Vice fetish, the movie might work for you. However, she has none of her parents’ rude vitality. Okay, she’s a bit of a clod—Don Johnson as a manang—but that is the point of the book, that a plain-seeming, ordinary girl would have something that a hot billionaire cannot find elsewhere. Don’t ask me what it is, I skipped entire chapters.

Read our review at

“Anastasia” made us think of the Prince song “Anna Stesia”, which is sexier than the entire movie we just saw. (We took out the thing that doesn’t stop playing, but you can listen to it here.)

A world without gender would have no wars, but no art, either

February 09, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Sex No Comments →

As pretentious students we attempted to pronounce Leguin “le-GAHN” like Gauguin, only to find that it’s “le-GWIN” (Our classmate tried the Marquis de “shar-DAY” like the singer).

In Ursula K. Le Guin’s science-fiction classic The Left Hand of Darkness, there are no women or men, only people. The natives of the planet Winter possess both female and male attributes, but they only become one or the other at certain times in the biological cycle—mating season, which they call “kemmering”. Anyone can get pregnant and give birth, depending on their hormone levels. Sometimes, they’re female, sometimes they’re male. Once a month, people get into kemmer and get time off from their jobs to fulfill their biological urges. The rest of the time, they’re not interested in sex at all. Humans from earth (Terrans, us) with their permanent genitalia, who can have sex whenever they feel like it, are considered perverts. “Pervert” is not a condemnation, just a statement of fact.

Read our column at

Psychiatrist and human sexuality expert Dr. Agnes Bueno to hold Love Workshops

April 01, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Announcements, Re-lay-shun-ships, Sex 1 Comment →

love workshop
This is serious, not an April Fool’s Day prank.

Love is the paramount concern of most people, especially Filipinos. Everywhere we go we are reminded of it: in love songs blaring at the malls, in movies about “soulmates”, in ads that promise you will find true love…after you try their products.

But what exactly do we mean by “love”? Infatuation, companionship, sexual attraction, sacrifice, obsession…we might not be talking about the same thing. The result is confusion, disappointment, bitterness, rage, or worse.

Before we can love or be loved, we have to know what it is. Our personal concepts of love are shaped by our earliest interactions with parents, families, friends–relationships that, if we’re not self-aware, can end up defining who we are, or defeating what we want to become.

For something that’s supposed to be in the air, love is hard to pin down.

Professor of Psychiatry and Human Sexuality Agnes Bueno, M.D. invites you to delve into the meaning of love in your life, to understand your desires and expectations, and free yourself from the burdens of the past.

The Love Workshop is a combination of classroom discussion and group therapy. It consists of two intensive three-hour sessions. Each class consists of only five students, with writer Jessica Zafra as facilitator and Dr. Bueno as therapist.

The Love Workshop will be held at #13 Osmena St. Xavierville 3, Loyola Heights Quezon City. The course fee is Php5,000 per person. Schedules will be arranged according to the participants’ availability. To enroll, call (02) 723 0101 local 6501 or 2217 or visit Dr. Bueno’s office at:

Suite 1217 South Tower
St. Luke’s Medical Center
Cathedral Heights Bldg. Complex
279 E. Rodriguez Sr., Blvd., Quezon City

You can’t be loved till you know how to love.