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Photo from the PRFU Facebook page

On Wednesday I went to the official presentation of the national men’s 7′s rugby team at Murphy’s Bar. PSC Commissioner Chito Loyzaga the former basketball star presented their team jerseys. Matt Cullen is the team coach.

Observant readers will note that this is not the exact same team that won in India in June. For starters sevens is a faster, higher-scoring variation of rugby union, and the team is composed of guys who play in the backline. Also, most of the national rugby players live abroad, so team composition is determined partly by who’s available to play—who can take time off from their jobs or school. Also, the players pay their own airfare to Manila.

Ronald Fong is in both the 15′s and 7′s teams. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Columbia med school?” I asked. He said, “I’m missing the first week of school to play rugby.” I wonder how the professors react when an incoming freshman says, “Sorry but I’m going to miss the first week of med school to be on the Philippine rugby team.” The concept is both noble and daft.
(The PRFU treasurer added that a Fil-American team member missed his daughter’s first birthday to play in the Division 2 championships in India.)

The team will compete at the Shanghai Sevens on September 4 and 5. If you’re in Shanghai, do watch them. Let’s muster a crowd, i.e. more than the coaching staff and a couple of parents.

We were having a post-movie coffee and dessert. There was a party at the next table—cake and champagne, someone was having a birthday. They were foreigners with different accents; we gathered they were based in Manila. Then three of the women at that table got up and went to the bathroom, which could accommodate only one. We wouldn’t have noticed except that when Noel wanted to use the bathroom he had to wait. And wait. And wait.

Naturally we foul-minded creatures suspected that they were taking drugs. No, our waiter informed us, someone in the party was jealous about someone else, she’s crying in the bathroom, and her two friends are in there consoling her and helping her repair her make-up.

This is why you should always be nice to your waiter, apart from the fact that he handles your food.

After an age the bathroom door opened and the women apologized, saying their friend had gotten jealous and cried her eyes out, and they had been consoling her and helping her repair her make-up.

Ladies, I wanted to say, public mascara running and conferences in the bathroom are not the way to address issues of jealousy. Let us remember what we have learned from the classic film Clueless, which is celebrating the 15th anniversary of its release. Never admit to being jealous or unloved. Look happy and walk around in your cutest outfits. Send yourself flowers and candy from “a mysterious admirer”. Yes, it’s bonkers, but it’s better to look bonkers than miserable. If there’s nothing going on in your romantic life, encourage your friends in their own romantic pursuits. Think of it as practice. And if you’re dating someone, make sure he knows it’s a date (i.e. a mutual arrangement rather than a unilateral delusion).

Our favorite line from Clueless (Not an accurate quote, but we prefer it this way): “Omigod, I love Josh! Ooh, I wonder if they have that in my size.”

The enduring legacy of Clueless (besides Jane Austen’s sage advice): Paul Rudd.

“This time they’ve gone too far!” Din cried. “They’ve turned the Bible into a role-playing game!

“Granted, the Bible is full of action, adventure, sorcery and drama, and best of all, it’s in the public domain. That means no licensing fees for a proven brand with historically demonstrated earning power. But methinks this is going too far. Cue Eve of Destruction.”

Yes, I have friends who use “methinks” in everyday conversation.

“You mean you can pick God as your character?” I asked.

No, you play Abraham, Isaac, or Jacob. Otherwise it’s a fairly ordinary role-playing game. Nowhere near as bloody as the Old Testament.

To my great disappointment I find that the new Robert Rodriguez movie Machete starring Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnson is not a remake of the Seiko Movie from the 90s in which Cesar Montano plays a wooden Igorot warrior statue who comes to life and turns into the neighborhood stud. Yes, like a life-size man-in-a-barrel.

Too bad, because Lindsay Lohan could get a real career boost as the Rita Avila character, the sculptress (? Didn’t see the whole movie, much to my regret) who rubs up against the wooden statue until it comes to life.

Seiko Films’ Machete was such a big hit it spawned a sequel, this time with Gardo Versoza as the wooden guy.

But my favorite Seiko movie of all time has to be Huwag Mong Buhayin Ang Bangkay! (Do Not Reanimate The Corpse!) The title alone ensures my undying affection. In the movie Jestoni Alarcon plays a concert pianist who dies and is buried. His mother, played by the incomparable Charito Solis, makes a deal with the devil to bring him back. So Jestoni rises from the grave still wearing his tuxedo.

Unfortunately the contract with the devil does not expressly state that the corpse has to regain all normal physiological functions like respiration and circulation, so the dead pianist is putrefying. The face is rotting, body parts falling off, and it’s going around killing people.

The best part was the soundtrack: horror movie music punctuated with plaintive cries of “Huwag mong buhayin ang bangkaaay! Huwag mong buhayin ang bangkaaay!” My sister and I were watching it on TV and we nearly passed out laughing.

Last week we were having drinks at Bowler when Richie mentioned that a lot of movies were shot at his grandmother’s house. One of them was Huwag Mong Buhayin Ang Bangkay! Filming was underway when Richie’s grandmother discovered that the plot of the movie involved satanic rituals, so she threw out the cast and crew.

A few years ago at the film festival in Udine I met Robbie Tan, the auteur of Seiko Films. He was there for Jeffrey Jeturian’s Bridal Shower. A few years later he produced Brillante Mendoza’s Foster Child, which was screened at the Directors’ Fortnight in Cannes. We ate at a pizzeria where the waiter looked exactly like John Turturro.

Robbie Tan said that the movie company grew out of the fantastically successful Seiko wallet business. There’s a brilliant ad: “Ang wallet na masuwerte.” Why wouldn’t you buy a wallet that would bring you luck? Seiko Films’ tagline was just as effective: “It it’s from Seiko, it must be good.” Since Seiko had invented such labels as “ST” (sex trip) and “TF” (titillating films), we often revised this tagline to “If it’s from Seiko, they must be nude.”

According to Robbie Tan the movie that really kick-started the business was a low-budget foreign flick that Seiko released in the Philippines: The Gods Must Be Crazy.

I must have a Seiko Films boxed set. (Apparently ‘boxed set’ and ‘box set’ are both correct.)

After last week, we all need it.

L-R: Matt, Oliver, and Ben Saunders

Oliver, Matt and Ben Saunders are members of the Philippine men’s rugby team. Their mom is from Pangasinan, their dad is British, they were born in the UK or the US and raised in Australia where they live to this day. They’ve been coming to the Philippines since early childhood to visit their grandmother, and have toured the islands on their own.

Matt and Oliver have been on the national team since 2007; Ben, 17, joined them more recently. The three brothers were on the men’s 15′s team which won the Asian Division 2 championships in June, which we covered here.

Ben was captain of the under-20s Philippine rugby team which won the Junior Asian Division 2 championship in Vientiane, Laos two weeks ago. Clean sweep: they beat India 38–7, Kazakhstan 22–10, Laos 52–0 and Iran 12–8. The juniors have now won seven international matches in a row.

Earlier the newly-formed Philippine ladies’ rugby team won the Asian Rugby Ladies championship in Guangzhou, China by defeating India, Korea, Laos and Malaysia. It was their first appearance at an international tournament and they did not concede a single point.

On Saturday and Sunday the Philippine men’s 7′s rugby team is competing at the Shanghai Sevens featuring the top 12 teams in Asia. Matt and Oliver are on the team, which is the newest in the tournament and probably the most petite in a field of rampaging behemoths.

The Saunders brothers are all in Collezione C2 shirts. These photos were taken by their dad at their home in Sydney.

For more of our rugby coverage, go to Categories on the left and click Rugby.

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For our readers in Shanghai who would like to watch the matches of the Philippine rugby 7′s team, here’s their schedule:

Saturday, 4 Sept 2010. 8am – 5pm: Preliminary Round Pool C matches.
China v Philippines
Hong Kong v Philippines
Philippines v Sri Lanka

Sunday, 5 Sept 2010. 8am – 5pm: Quarterfinals, Semifinals, and Medal matches.

The games will be held at Shanghai Rugby Football Club (near Zhouhai Road Metro Station). Tickets cost RMB70 for the Saturday matches, RMB100 for Sunday. More information here.

kurokuroko. I wouldn’t have thought that seeing Engkantandang Kangkarot in an SRO movie theatre where he could only catch glimpses of Roderick Paulate’s face from between the heads of the people standing in front of him would trigger a lifelong passion for the movies, but that’s how love is. While many of us are willing to have shouting matches over the movies, he is prepared to starve for them.

Bolano’s novels including 2666 are available at National Bookstores.

Congratulations, kurokuroko, you win Roberto Bolaño’s 2666—which he had wanted to publish as five volumes, so it’s like winning five books at once. Doorstops tend to be tedious, but 2666 is so rich and smooth it’s like an excellent cup of coffee. Many excellent cups of coffee.

Kurokuroko, you can pick up your prize (It’s listed under your full name) at the Customer Service counter at National Bookstore, Power Plant Mall at Rockwell, Makati.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore. Stay tuned for LitWit Challenge 3.5.