Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for April, 2007


April 30, 2007 By: jessicazafra Category: twisted by jessica zafra 1 Comment →

Here are The Collected Cameos of Alfred Hitchcock.

My favorite Hitchcock movie is The Lady Vanishes, starring Margaret Lockwood and Michael Redgrave. I put it on when I’m in a blue funk, and it cheers me up. Every time I take a train, I write my name in the dust on the window. Because of that movie I was fascinated by dining cars, and when I finally saw one it was a disappointment. Maybe when I finally take the Orient Express.


April 30, 2007 By: jessicazafra Category: twisted by jessica zafra 4 Comments →

I’ve seen Pan’s Labyrinth at the cinema three times, it’s so frigging beautiful. When you watch it, remember to bring your glasses. Many moviegoers are not aware that it’s in Spanish—an understandable mistake since the director also did Blade 2 and Hellboy in English.

The second time I watched it was with Ricky, who will not stand for talking or texting at the movies. Naturally he is always surrounded by people who won’t shut up at the cinema. Years ago, at a screening of Ocean’s Eleven, he found himself sitting in front of a bunch of women who would giggle every time Brad Pitt appeared on the screen. Brad didn’t even have to say anything to get them all excited. When Ricky could stand it no longer, he turned around to yell at the women, only to find that they were nuns. Nuns with a crush on Brad Pitt—what can you do?

Anyway, we were watching Pan’s Labyrinth when the couple to the left of us started yakking. We could hear every word. Apparently the woman could not bear to see violence onscreen, so the man had to describe what was happening. I tried shushing them but they wouldn’t stop. Finally Ricky got up and went over to them. “Please keep your voices down, we’re trying to watch the movie.” The woman said, “We’re just whispering.” “We can hear every word!” Ricky cried. “You ridiculous people!”

Ten minutes later, the people to the right of us started up. Their topic was linguistics, viz. “Oy, ayuda daw, parang Bisaya!” This time we couldn’t do anything because they were senior citizens and were probably hard of hearing or something. “There’s no escape!” I laughed. “We get it in Sensurround!”

Here’s the shocking part. When the movie ended and the lights went on, the guy to the left, the one who was describing the movie to his girlfriend, came over to apologize. “Sorry about the talking earlier,” he said. “Sorry.” I was so shocked that someone would actually admit his fault, I said, “Alright. Thank you.” I’ve gotten so used to uncouth jerky behavior that when I hear people say “You’re welcome”, I almost do a double-take.

Tsunami, or Channelling Leni

April 29, 2007 By: jessicazafra Category: twisted by jessica zafra 6 Comments →

Late-breaking news: We won Best Achievement in Hair Design at Cecile Zamora van Straten’s 80s-themed “debut”. (It’s called a debut because dammit, when you get to be the age when the styles of your youth are in fashion again, you can call your birthday party anything you want. Happy Birthday, Cecile! Conventional wisdom says we shouldn’t even be friends. Screw conventional wisdom.)

The winning hairstyle was a tsunami that added six to eight inches to my height. (Think Thompson Twins, Dead Or Alive, and other new wave acts of the Eighties.) It was created by Jay Lozada of Propaganda, and the actual work took about an hour. In the 80s when big hair was de rigueur, my classmates would achieve coiffure height using Dippity-Do gel, hairsprays that were eventually banned because they were causing holes in the ozone layer, beer, toothpaste, egg whites, school glue, and industrial-strength blow dryers. Unfortunately, once the desired height had been achieved, the structure would tend to collapse in half an hour. My tsunami was erected at 5pm and remains standing as of this writing, at 1.15am (I wanted to go out for coffee and taunt the normal people, but we could not find parking space).

The process of building the tsunami hairdo consisted of the following steps.

1. Shampoo
2. Blowdry
3. Setting lotion
4. Sectioning the hair and winding the sections around “agojillo”, those wavy hairpins about a centimeter wide.
5. Hairspray
6. 20 minutes under the dryer
7. Styling for tsunami effect
8. More hairspray
9. An hour later, touch-up “teasing”
10. Still more hairpray
11. Blowdry

The result: Big hair reminiscent of Leni Santos in the seminal 80s film Da Punks, although Marlon Rivera (winner, Best Achievement in Fashion Editing for his 80s tribute incorporating all the major trends of the decade while channelling Sideshow Bob) thinks it was more Manilyn Reynes. (Marlon also advises those who channel Leni in Da Punks not to forget the lisp. “Di mo kami maintindihan, Ma, mga punkth kami.”)

Ironically I never did the tsunami hair in the 80s, although I did have a perm in 1988 that required an elevator car all to itself. The party was fantastic and everything went smoothly, although the security guard had to look thrice before he let me into my building.

The Sweet Heatstroke

April 27, 2007 By: jessicazafra Category: twisted by jessica zafra No Comments →

How to get three headaches at the same time.

Today’s Emotional Weather Report, in the Star.

Little Big Man

April 26, 2007 By: jessicazafra Category: twisted by jessica zafra No Comments →

Where there’s a Weng, there’s a Weng Weng.

“In the 80s, in one of the most astonishing series of films I have even darted my eyes near, a Filipino called Weng Weng fought crime in a way only an 80s cop knew how. Now a group called The Chuds have written a tribute. . .”

Two Kinds of Amnesia

April 25, 2007 By: jessicazafra Category: twisted by jessica zafra 1 Comment →

Tulad Ng Dati, Best Film at Cinemalaya 2006, opens today at SM digital theatres in Megamall, Mall of Asia, Southmall, Manila, Sta. Mesa, Fairview, Pampanga, Clark, Cebu, Davao, San Lazaro. Megamall will be screening a 35mm print.

Directed by Mike Sandejas, Tulad Ng Dati stars the Filipino rock band The Dawn. In the late 80s, at the height of their fame, the band’s leader Teddy Diaz was murdered. The remaining members decided to carry on, but disbanded in 1995. They reunited in 2000.

The movie opens in 2006. Vocalist Jett Pangan has lost his passion for music and considers retiring from the band. One night he is assaulted by burglars and falls into a coma. When he wakes up, he has no memory of his life after 1988. All he knows is that he’s 20, Teddy is alive, and he’s at the peak of his career.

Also opening today: Guillermo del Toro’s tough, unsparing, and altogether wonderful tale, Pan’s Labyrinth. In a Spain torn apart by civil war, a little girl takes refuge in a fantasy world. Fascism has no weapons against the imagination.