Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for November, 2010

Conversations in restaurants: You have 11 hours until deadline.

November 30, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Contest, Movies 2 Comments →

Conversations in restaurants: the Pulp Fiction hommage.

– Garcon, I would like a Milo McFlurry please.
– What did you just call me?
– Garcon, it means “boy”. . .I’m sorry, I had not realized. . .your hair is very short.
– Are you calling me a transvestite?
– Of course not, my view was blocked by the planter.
– Are you suggesting that I’m short?
– I am not suggesting it, I am stating it as fact.
– My height is average for Filipinos.
– Oui, I understand. I would like a Milo-
– How tall are you?
– Pardon?
– How tall. Are you.
– I am 1.93 metres tall.
– How much is that in feet?
– I do not know feet, I am French. We use the metric system.
– Just because you’re a pituitary case you think you can call people midgets.
– I do not know that word “midget”. I called you “garcon”.
– How would you feel if I called you kapre?
– Nothing, I do not know what that is. May I order now please. I would like a Milo McFlurry.
– Where do you think you are, McDonald’s? This is a fine dining establishment, we don’t serve McFlurries.
– Ah, my mistake. Then I would like a Royale with Cheese.
– We’re not in France. Here it’s called Quarterpounder with Cheese.
– But I do not know pounds. . .
– Yeah, yeah, the French, metric system. You want French fries with that?
– French fries?
– You don’t know French fries? Fried potatoes.
– Oh, pommes-frites. Yes.
– You want ketchup with that?
– Mayonnaise.
– (Freak.)
– (Midget.)

There. We are hommaged out. Write me a conversation that is not about itself.

Listen to the Parisian trio We Are Enfant Terrible.

We Are Enfant Terrible – Wild Child (Chew Lips Remix) by Last Gang Entertainment

Lit Wits Live: Cacs and Momelia

November 30, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Contest 7 Comments →

As promised, we met with the winners of LitWit Challenge 3.11: Stabbed In The Heart to present them with their prizes. The prize was a hardcover Collected Stories of Lydia Davis. As two winners were declared, we needed another copy of the Collected Lydia Davis. Unfortunately the bookstore had run out of copies (I had forced friends to buy them when they first came out), so we had to find an acceptable substitute.

Sum: forty tales from the afterlives by David Eagleman is a collection of vignettes by neuroscientist David Eagleman. The reviews have been rapturous, and the book has been compared to the work of Italo Calvino and Alan Lightman. So we got a copy of Sum, and since Cacs arrived on time he got to choose between the two books. He picked Sum.

The winners of LitWit Challenge 3.11: Stabbed In The Heart, Cacs and Momelia, with their prizes.

Momelia has some intriguing tattoos.

“What fantastic tattoos,” we said. “When did you get them?”

“I used to hang out in a pool hall,” said Momelia.

“What does that one mean?”

“Fire and Passion.”

“How do you know it’s Fire and Passion and not Pyre and Fashion?”

You don’t.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

It’s Roger.

November 29, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Tennis 4 Comments →

Roger Federer defeats Rafael Nadal 6-3. 3-6. 6-1 to win the year-ending ATP Tour Final for the fifth time.

This is only their second meeting of the year. Nadal won the previous match, in Madrid.

The week in earrings

November 29, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Clothing No Comments →

It has been an extraordinarily good week for the acquisition of earrings. Our taste in earrings is very specific. We are not interested in expensive jewelry. We like odd, eccentric, bizarre.

Like these Scrabble tiles.

My name will beat yours at Scrabble, unless your name is Jessiqa.

Recycled tubes of instant glue. It’s a rugby joke, get it? The glue and Scrabble earrings are by Anak ng Kwek Kwek; Raymond found them at Cubao Expo.

Ricky gave me these trompe l’oeil chandelier earrings from ac632.

Crocheted earrings Noel bought at Resurrection in QC (second floor of the building that houses Black Soup and Van Gogh is Bipolar).

And the latest in practical/ornamental brilliance from James Reyes: earrings made of garment fasteners.

The Love is a Dog from Hell Oracle

November 29, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Books 12 Comments →

While wandering around the bookstore I spotted a stack of books by Charles Bukowski. Charles Bukowski*. In National Bookstore. Will wonders never cease.

They had Slouching Toward Nirvana; Sifting Through the Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way; Pulp; Women; and others. This title jumped off the shelf.

I opened the book at random and the first poem I read was about a dog who had been hit by a car. Dammit I couldn’t leave the book after that, it would be like leaving the dog bleeding on the street.

So now I use the book as an oracle. I ask a question, open the book, read out the first lines I see, and there’s my answer. For instance: “Love is a Dog from Hell, what about people who want to write?”

Love is a Dog from Hell said:

Click on the image to read the poem, I’m too lazy to type it out.

Excellent advice.

* If you’ve never heard of Charles Bukowski, he’s the guy Mickey Rourke played in Barfly.

* * * * *

Cacs and Momelia, don’t forget our coffee at 3pm. I’ll be the one in the weird earrings.

And we’re back to regular programming: Roger Federer vs Rafael Nadal tonight!

November 28, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Tennis 5 Comments →

Roger Federer trounced Novak Djokovic 6-1, 6-4 while Rafael Nadal beat Andy Murray 7-6(5), 3-6, 7-6(6) to set up the dream final at the ATP World Tour Finals in London.