Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Contest’

9 years, 9 stories: Game of Thrones in Tagalog

September 23, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Contest No Comments →

From 2013: A Translation of Ice and Fire

You win or you die from A Game of Thrones, translated by japz20

Takipsilim nang magtagpo sila ng reyna, habang nagsisimula pa lamang mamula ang kalangitan. Mag-isa lamang ito, alinsunod sa hiling nya. Ngayon lang nya nakitang payak ang bihis ng reyna, botang balat at simpleng luntiang gayak. Nang tanggalin nya ang kanyang talukbong, nakita ni Ned ang pasa na bakas ng sampal ng hari. Nabawasan na ang pangingitim at humupa na ang pamamaga, ngunit hindi maikakaila kung ano ito.

“Bakit dito?” tanong ni Cersei Lannister.

“Para nakikita tayo ng mga diyos.”

9 years, 9 stories: 9 winners of the LitWit Challenge

September 22, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Contest No Comments →

One of our regular features is the LitWit Challenge, in which we furnish a situation, premise or photograph, and the participants develop it into a story of 1,000 words or more. This contest has generated a lot of good stuff over the years—bizarre, hilarious, absurd, inventive, moving, filthy, and always extremely readable. This is our core audience: the nerds, the weirdos, the people who carry entire galaxies in their heads.

What follows is a selection of stories written by our readers. It’s interesting to view them as standalone pieces outside of the contests. There are dozens more that we could feature, but these are the first ones that popped up in our not-very-thorough search through the archive. We really should put a book out. Remind us of your favorite stories in Comments.

Thanks to National Bookstore, which has supported the LitWit Challenge since its inception.

We can’t think of proper illustrations for the stories, so if anyone has suggestions or feels like doing visuals, email them to

1. Agalmatophilia by Qsdn

September 22, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Contest No Comments →

Anne Tamondong
Illustration: Watercolor on paper by Anne Tamondong

Published 15 Sept 2010

We walked together in this hallway, and sat on this self-same Persian runner, gazing into space, saying sweet nothings, making love. Yet, love was forbidden between the two of us and quickly I became your Romeo, and you, my sweet Juliet. We kept our secret hidden, yet I couldn’t resist. I bought you the latest fashion, dressing you up like a queen one second, and wantonly removing it in bursts of lust the next. This was our downfall. Your nubile body was always in my thoughts, fueling fantasies beyond the ordinary. You couldn’t take the strength of my desire nor the unquenchable lust I felt for you and one day, as a cradled you in my arms, the heat rising in my body, you fell apart.

2. Feast Day by joyeah

September 22, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Contest No Comments →

Published 28 April 2013

– Sa manga guibo mong milagro, minadolog gabos simo,
cahelangan man o ano, gabos pinagraranga mo.
Manga buta binulong mo na baga entermero.

Vicente aranga cami, an simong ugay halat mi. –

The whole of San Vicente was abuzz with activity. It was the eve of the Barangay Fiesta and the festive air was a fever spreading over everyone and everywhere. Colorful ‘banderitas’ hung from trees and over each street. Pigs were being butchered and roasted into succulent Litson. In every other house, someone was singing “Pusong Bato” with earsplitting loudness on videoke machines.

3. Ramen Noir by Ejia

September 22, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Contest No Comments →

Published 1 Oct 2013

I like the rain. Somehow it makes the city at night feel more real. Helps with the crime rate, too – well, most crimes.

I looked at the people at the next table. They didn’t seem the type. No, they knew better. Not like the guy I was tailing. He knew what he was getting into, and he did it anyway. I was swirling my fork around the soup bowl in front of me, wondering why I wasn’t hitting anything, when I realized I’d finished all the noodles again without touching most of the soup.

4. Barbecue by noelz

September 22, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Contest No Comments →

Illustration by Anne Tamondong. Ink on paper, digitally replicated.

Published 8 July 2013

You know how, in those movies, something horrible happens to the lead characters — say, an EMP takes out all power for weeks in a major city and all life as you know it is disrupted and everybody ends up starving and turning into cannibals? Or a zombie apocalypse forces a band of survivors to hole up in a deserted mansion or something like that— and everybody Just. Loses. Their. Shit. It is in people’s nature to get paranoid and start throwing accusations against each other: “I saw him sneak into the tent and steal the last two cans of sardines.” Whatever. And everybody just starts killing everybody else. And while you’re watching the events unfold you’re going, “Fuck, this is too unrealistic. The screenwriters just put in all these mentally unstable character types to ratchet up the tension. Come on guys. Have a timeout. Freaking out’s never led to anything good in these types of tales. Everybody knows that.” And that’s when somebody snaps and takes out a gun or hunting knife or something and everybody but the lead guy and girl gets slaughtered? Well, something a bit like that happened to me six months ago and apparently, well, you can’t help but freak out. I am ashamed to admit it, but in the heat of the moment, I might have killed a bit. I might’ve tortured a bit. When times got tough and you’re surrounded by people who’ve gotten as paranoid as you have, one has a tendency to murder. Who knew?