Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Shopping’

The absolute last-minute gift guide

December 23, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Notebooks, Shopping, Sponsored No Comments →

You have just realized that it’s less than 48 hours before Xmas and even if you’re an atheist you like giving and getting presents (or at least not being the buzzkill). Go to the nearest National Bookstore and get these.

Black sketchbook, Php599. Give with gold and silver Sharpies or Dong-A metallic gel pens.

Pierre the Maze Detective by Hiro Kamigaki and IC4 Design, Php879.

Children will find it entertaining; overgrown children will love the design.

Gold Leuchtturm1917 journal, Php949. Obviously we’re keeping this. Shiny!

Daycraft A6 sketchbooks, PU leatherish covers, wide range of colors, Php389 each.

This season’s “I’m tired of thinking, I’ll just take two dozen of those” gift: colouring books for grownups. It’s supposed to relieve stress. In our observation, people who are already stressed will get more stressed if you give them coloring books because it’s more work they will feel compelled to do. This one comes with 8 colouring pencils in a nice tin box so you don’t even have to wrap it, because you’re stressed, too. Php395 only.

The exception in the colouring books category is The Official A Game of Thrones colouring book, and you know it’s for the real fans because the “A” is in the title. Php665.

Leuchtturm page-a-day 2016 datebook, Php1221. You can have the recipient’s name engraved for free. (Every year we get a Moleskine diary but the new designs haven’t arrived so we’re trying something different. Moleskine, where’s the new stuff? We want the Blue Note editions.)

The new Stephen King story collection, hardcover Php1199. The man’s a story factory with consistently good quality control.

The Powerbooks shopping bag has our name on it.

September 04, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Shopping 3 Comments →


Reusable shopping bag at Powerbooks, Php25. We’re sure we said that somewhere, we just don’t know where.

It’s a reading advocacy project, we don’t get royalties from sales. Not only is the bag useful, but the color is so bright it’s practically a light source.

Do not buy this notebook which advises kids to plagiarize their schoolwork.

May 28, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Shopping 1 Comment →

This is an actual notebook that we spotted at the bookstore. It tells kids to copy their homework from Wikipedia. Not only does it promote plagiarism, dishonesty, laziness and disrespect, it also insults the schoolchildren’s intelligence. (It’s also guilty of copyright infringement.) Any parent who buys this for their children is a dumbass.

Dispose of clothes you don’t want anymore and get a one-time 15 percent discount at H&M.

April 21, 2015 By: jessicazafra Category: Clothing, Shopping No Comments →


Gather all the clothes you no longer have any use for, including the ones that no longer fit but you’re in denial about, and put them in two bags. (All, meaning even those that are not from H&M. They can even be very old or damaged.) Take them to an H&M store. Bring only two bags per day, don’t bring your entire wardrobe.


Take the bag/s to the cash point checkout next to the I:CO (I: Collect) display box. The sales advisor will look at the bag to see if its contents are safe.


The bag will be placed in the I:CO box. In return, you get a “15 percent off 1 item” discount voucher per bag. You can only get a maximum of 2 vouchers a day.

How many pieces or what is the weight of one bag? There are no rules on quantity or weight, but remember that these are clothes you were going to get rid of anyway, so the more the better.

Again, you can only bring 2 bags a day, for which you will get 2 “15 percent off 1 item” vouchers.


I:Collect will sort the clothes and figure out how to reuse them. Clothes still in good condition will be re-sold as used goods. Clothes that are no longer wearable (meaning they’re ruined, not that they’re polyester mu-muus or I heart Alanis T-shirts one cannot be seen in) are made into cleaning cloths (Yes, trapo). Clothes that cannot be reused are recycled into damping or insulating materials or new textiles. If there is no more conceivable use for those clothes, they are incinerated to produce energy.

For every kilo of clothes H&M collects, I:CO will donate 2 cents Euro to UNICEF Philippines. They will not make a profit from this project.

For more information, go to

Puregold hosts 3rd VIPuring Convention

November 28, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Shopping, Sponsored No Comments →


On November 20 Puregold held its third VIPuring Convention at Le Pavillon in Pasay City. VIPuring is an exclusive event for the Gold Members of Tindahan ni Aling Puring, Puregold’s loyalty program. Gold Members previewed the latest offers and promotions of the top supermarket chain in the country. In photo (left to right): Antonio De Los Santos, Operations Manager, Puregold; Susan Co, Vice Chairman, Puregold; Ramachandra Golikere, Marketing Head, P&G Distributing Phils. Inc.; and Anna Legarda-Locsin, Communications Head, P&G Distributing Phils. Inc.

A flea market in the country

November 18, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Places, Shopping, Traveling 1 Comment →


If we lived in Paris we would hardly ever buy anything new. We would furnish our house with things we found in flea markets and vintage stores. There are some huge flea markets in the city, frequented by professional buyers who snap up the good stuff and sell them to collectors on e-Bay. We went to one in the country, where families who have lived there for generations just want to dispose of their grandparents’ things.


The flea market was the size of a hangar and crammed with relics from other people’s lives. It’s a good thing we had only one hour to spend before catching the train, or we’d still be there now, sifting through years of abandoned possessions. We were hoping to unearth some magic object that would choose us to be its next master.


There were shelves and shelves of china and kitchenware. We found an escargot dish for 50 cents. There was a stack of old porcelain that we kept going back to until Kristin turned over a teacup and saw the Limoges label. Sold! The sticker said 3 euros and we thought it was the price per piece, but it turned out to be the price of the lot. Now our cats can eat out of Limoges china (Thank you, bubble wrap).


We were on the lookout for something we could pass off for a missing Juan Luna and sell for Php55 million pesos (with the proper authentication), but all we found were some fake Renoirs.


There were also some massive tribal masks, if you could stand to have them staring at you all day.