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Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994
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Archive for September, 2010

Territorial dispute

September 28, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats 1 Comment →


- Good night!
- Good night!

- Excuse me, that’s my pillow.
- So it was. It’s mine now.

- Where am I going to sleep?
- Do not disturb me, I am sleepy.

Toledo-ing the classics, the sequel

September 28, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Childhood 1 Comment →

I liked the Ruben Toledo covers for the Penguin Classics Deluxe editions of Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, and The Scarlet Letter. In fact I ran out and bought the Wuthering Heights (and read it again. Repeat readings do not diminish the Bronte’s wonderful strangeness. Everyone in it seems bonkers but they make their own kind of sense).

The Toledo-designed editions must’ve been successful because according to the Caustic Cover Critic Penguin Classics Deluxe is putting out three more books with covers by the artist and fashion illustrator.

First up: Jane Eyre. Never got into Jane Eyre. I lost my patience at the maltreated orphan chapters so I peeked at the ending. After all her trouble, she gets That?!? So I quit. My friends love it, though. Here’s the new Toledo cover.

Hmmm. Not likely to make me try reading Emily’s sister again.

Then there’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, which I read in high school. I don’t remember the details but I remember the portrait. Whenever I meet people who look extremely young for their age I think, “They must have a portrait moldering in the basement.” The cover:

Huh?! Bit literal, no?

Finally there’s Dracula which I’ve never read but have seen many, many film adaptations of. A large part of my childhood was spent watching old Dracula movies on TV. When I was about 10 I dreamed that I was in the kitchen with my parents when a bat flew into the window, turned into a vampire, and grabbed me. I turned to my parents, expecting rescue. Instead they waved at me and said, “Buh-bye, buh-bye.”

The Toledo:

AAAAAAAAAA! What the hell, Ruben.

The winner of LitWit Challenge 3.7: After the after-party is…

September 28, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Contest, Rugby 6 Comments →

dibee, for the one about the inception. Congratulations, dibee, you’ve won the Bret Easton Ellis set: Less Than Zero and Imperial Bedrooms. Please post your full name in Comments (It won’t be published) and we’ll alert you when your prize is ready.

Thank you to everyone who joined LitWit Challenge 3.7. These contests are meant for entertainment, but we are flattered that people take it seriously. We all need stories in order to survive, and we need all the ammunition we can get.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

It’s time for this week’s Jock With A Book: Oliver reading The Ultimate Dark Knight by Frank Miller. (Ganyan din kami pag nagbabasa ng Batman.)

Either he really likes Batman or he’s planning to eat the book.

Segue to:

Note hauteur with which Cookie Monster says, “What frog doing in my bedroom?”

* * * * *
dibee, you can pick up your books any day starting Thursday September 30 at the Customer Service counter of National Bookstore in Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. Their number is (02) 8974562. Please claim your prize before November 30, 2010.

To all the previous winners: If you have unclaimed prizes at National in Rockwell, please pick them up by October 15. Thank you.

Read this. Just read this.

September 27, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Emotional weather report 3 Comments →


Borghese Gardens, Rome.

To an Aesthete Dying Young by Andrew Solomon in the Yale Alumni Magazine.

Pictures of things that never happened

September 27, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Announcements, Technology 1 Comment →


Tilda Swinton says she would love to play Conan O’Brien. I think it’s perfect casting. Also, if Cate Blanchett can play Bob Dylan I think Angelina Jolie should be Mick Jagger.

You went to your high school prom with the mohawk guy from Glee.

Lady Gaga comes to you for fashion advice. (You said, “Meat is the new black.”)

When you were 14 you beat Rafa Nadal in straight sets using a wooden racquet.

You have a secret love child with Matt Damon.

One day in Cambridge you told your classmate Zuck that there should be a website like the Harvard freshmen facebook, only for everybody.

On your last vacation you went to Saturn.

These things never happened. But you can create the photographic evidence. After all humans have invented Photoshop, Corel, Paint, Freehand, and a host of programs for drawing and digital manipulation. Those visions in your head can now be rendered as images. Now you can unleash your fantasy world on an unsuspecting audience—and win P20K.

COMDDAP, the Computer Manufacturers, Distributors and Dealers Association of the Philippines, is holding a digital imaging contest called Imagen I.T. Pinoy. The rules are as follows:

1. ANYONE can join. The subject can be ANYTHING.
2. It doesn’t matter how the image was made as long as it’s in digital format. And is not offensive to any race, color, or religion.
3. Submit your digital artwork to the Imagen I.T. Pinoy website, which launches next week (We’ll let you know when it’s up). If your submission is accepted, it will be uploaded onto the site gallery for open voting. You can ask everyone you know to vote for your entry as many times as they’d like. You can vote for yourself over and over again.
4. However, the winner will be chosen by a board of judges. The first prize is P20K.
5. You retain all rights to your digital artwork, although COMDDAP has the right to use the winning images in its promotional materials.

Cultural differences

September 27, 2010 By: jessicazafra Category: Language, Traveling 4 Comments →

Dinner at Ambeth’s is always an intellectually satisfying experience. One picks up so many fascinating bits of information—most of it useless, but fun to repeat. There was the time we spent hours poring over a scholarly dictionary in Pilipino, looking for the definitions of common obscenities. Tonight’s discussion leaned towards the esoteric.

- In Thai the word for “ambassador” is khantoot.
- What’s the term for highest-ranking ambassador then?
- We went to a dinner where a delicious catfish dish was served, and when I referred to it as “hito” our host said, “Sssh! Don’t say that! Say “heto” instead.” Over there “hito” is genitalia.
- When I was in New Zealand our guide pointed to a blackbird and said, “That’s a common bird in these parts. It’s called pukeko.” I told him, “Never ever say that word in the Philippines.”
- Then what happened?
- He brought us to a town called Te Puke.
- New Zealand’s beautiful. In Tauranga they showed us some Maori games. “This is a titi torea. It is a long stick. It requires hand-to-eye coordination.”
- How do you keep from bursting into laughter?
- You choke it back up your nose.
- That’s probably why you have nasal polyps.