We do not deny that we enjoy mocking stupid movies, but anything done too often becomes tedious and we’ve had too much practice lately. So in reviewing the latest product from Star Cinema, we have resolved to obey that teacher (we’ve forgotten her name) who told us, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.”
Read Unofficially a good review, our review in InterAksyon.com.
Our ancient paperbacks of the John Carter series by Edgar Rice Burroughs
After we finished reading all the Nancy Drew mysteries in the fifth grade, we scoured the school library for another series to keep us occupied. (Series appeal to our obsessive-compulsive/completist side.) Fairy tales kept us entertained for a week or so, but we preferred recurring characters we could obsess about. Then we chanced upon A Princess Of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Of course we’d heard of Burroughs—Tarzan was showing on TV every Sunday afternoon.
A Princess of Mars introduced us to a fascinating protagonist: John Carter, a veteran of the Civil War who finds himself teleported to the planet Mars. How exactly he got teleported is a little murky, but the descriptions of the flora, fauna, and dominant species of Barsoom (what the Martians call their planet) got us hooked. Our school had the first two volumes of the series; the rest we got at the National Bookstore in the old orange brick Quad in Makati. (We shouldn’t have peeled off the price stickers. Now we leave them on as an anthropological curiosity.)
Some years ago we heard there were plans to adapt the John Carter books for the screen. Then last year we started seeing the trailer for John Carter the movie. We were not impressed. A couple of days ago we found out that the screenplay was written by Michael Chabon, author of The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, Wonder Boys (loved the movie) and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay (Where is the movie? By the way if you run into Edward Norton could you ask him what happened to his planned film adaptation of Motherless Brooklyn by Jonathan Lethem? We forgot to ask.) Now we’re impressed. The movie could still stink, but now it has nerd cred. According to the posters it opens next month.
Due to time constraints and travel arrangements the Yucch-meter was unable to critique each submission. Massive apologies. Barring sudden trips the Yucch-meter will be on board for the next challenge.
The Boysen KNOxOUT Project EDSA artwork by filmmaker-architect Tapio Snellman on the walls of the Cubao underpass.
The finalists for this LitWit Challenge are (titles ours)
dindin for The Despair of the Driver of a Piece of Crap on Edsa
spooky for the billboard version of Woody Allen’s The Purple Rose of Cairo
sirius black for the intestinal Definition of True Love
stellalehua for Birthday Present from the Creepy Driver
The winner is stellalehua for a deceptively casual account of many parents’ nightmare as told by the perp. Congratulations, stellalehua, you get the KNOxOUT Project EDSA artwork tote bag, the official poster of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Boy in the Suitcase, Matterhorn and Kafka On The Shore.
dindin, spooky and sirius black, you each get the Project EDSA tote bag and the Dragon Tattoo poster.
Thank you for sending in your full names. You can claim your prizes at the Customer Service counter of National Bookstore in Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati, any day starting 23 February 2012. Please claim the items within 6 months.
The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore. The next LitWit Challenge is coming up.
For its 40th anniversary Picador has reissued some of its best-loved titles in trade paper editions with arresting black and white covers. The Line of Beauty by Alan Hollinghurst and Mother’s Milk by Edward St. Aubyn, Php455 each at National Bookstores. Also available are novels by Cormac McCarthy, Bret Easton Ellis and Graham Swift.
Thinking the Twentieth Century by Tony Judt with Timothy Snyder, Php1395 at National Bookstores.
The limited edition Moleskine Lego notebook has a Lego plate attached to the cover and Lego minifigures and bricks stickers. The pocket-sized Moleskines (Lego Yellow Brick Pocket Ruled and Lego Yellowfish Green Brick Pocket Plain), Php1260. The large Moleskine journals (Lego Black Brick Large Ruled and Lego Red Brick Large Plain), Php1710. “Limited edition” means “Better get them asap, the Star Wars Moleskines ran out quickly.”
Listen to this:
Singapore Indoor Stadium, 18 Feb 2012
The Full Sharapova
While the stadium goes berserk we’re taking notes and saying, “Hmmm, interesting.”
Rafael Nadal is a telenovela. From the second he appears on court he radiates intensity—and all he’s doing is walking to his chair. I’d call him a bad actor except that he isn’t acting. TV audiences are familiar with his obsessive-compulsive rituals: he spreads out his towel, lines up his beverages on the floor and adjusts them so all the labels are facing the same way, then opens a foil pack with his teeth. (Why doesn’t he just apply his enormous arms to the task? Will their power cause the stuff in the foil to shoot out like ninja shuriken and kill random audience members?)
By the time Nadal finishes arranging his temporary nest to his satisfaction his opponent is warming up. Suddenly Rafa leaps from his seat and starts jogging in place, his ginormous thighs pumping in long white drawers. Gone are the Capri pants he sported early in his career. His Day-Glo green shirt has sleeves now, concealing his massive biceps lest his opponent expire from fear. Upon his face is a look of determination so grim his facial muscles seem determined to batter the other guy into submission. Then wielding his racquet like a bludgeon he takes his spot on the court. If the opponent knows what’s good for him he would surrender now.
Tennis parents, self-doubt and invisible wedgies in our column Emotional Weather Report, today in the Philippine Star.
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