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Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994
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Archive for the ‘Crime’

Adopted words: Pamphagous Arroyos, jussulent deals?

August 15, 2011 By: jessicazafra Category: Crime, Current Events, Language No Comments →

On a recent visit to Save The Words, a site which promotes the use of words threatened with extinction, we adopted the first two that leapt out at us:

which means “eating or consuming everything” and

which means “full of broth or soup”. By adopting these words we commit to using them as often as we can. Later it occurred to us that both words are concerned with eating.

Last Thursday we attended the opening of the Complementary Medicine Center at St Luke’s in Bonifacio Global City. As Consolata and I were leaving the building we saw the media massed in driveway, cameras aimed at the doors.

“Dammit,” I said, “My serfs have leaked my whereabouts to the paps again.”

“It’s so hard to get good help these days,” sighed Consolata, presenting his favorite angle to the lenses.

“But wait,” I recalled, “I don’t have serfs.”

No, the media were waiting for the husband of the former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo to leave the hospital for his appearance at the Senate committee hearing on corruption. The Arroyos are under investigation for alleged pamphagous behavior on many jussulent deals, including the purchase of helicopters. (My adopted words would live longer if their applications go beyond the culinary.)

That morning it had been reported that the former president’s scheduled surgery had been postponed due to an infection. By lunchtime we had all received the text joke about second-hand implants at least thrice. People can be so uncharitable. Would they be kinder if the medical emergencies did not always coincide with summons from the Senate? Probably not.

“Next we will hear that the former president’s condition will require medical treatment abroad,” Kermit said at dinner (where, pamphagous eater that I am I had the porchetta, the cheese, and the M&Ms). How cynical we are. Yesterday’s headline: “Docs advise GMA to get treatment abroad, says camp.” The news would be more jussulent if it weren’t totally expected.

Maybe the world has ended and we just haven’t noticed.

August 14, 2011 By: jessicazafra Category: Crime, Current Events, Places 5 Comments →

It’s disconcerting to see photos and videos of the London riots, first of all because it’s London. How could it happen there? Books and movies have conditioned us to believe that Londoners are polite, reserved and well-behaved. These are the people who were so calm and brave while Hitler bombed their city every day in the Blitz. After the bus bombings in 2005 they did not freak out; they collected themselves and resumed their regular lives. Either something has changed (the Blitz generation is dead), or pop culture has lied to us again.

When I saw the pictures I was reminded of Alfonso Cuaron’s bleak, beautiful 2006 film, Children of Men. Based on the P.D. James novel, Children of Men is set in a grim near-future where society has collapsed and anarchy reigns. The human race is facing extinction: no one has given birth in 18 years, and the youngest person on earth has just died. Cuaron takes us through a London of smashed storefronts, burning cars, the wreckage of buildings, thugs armed with bludgeons. So last week’s events in London were oddly familiar.

Except that humans are still reproducing (particularly in the third world, including the Philippines, where population growth strains available resources), the British government is functioning, and despite the economic downturn the UK is still a rich country that many Filipinos, especially nurses, hope to migrate to. The people starting fires and looting shops in London were not starving, or they would be stealing food, milk, basic necessities. Graphic evidence tells us that they were looting electronics stores, athletic supplies shops, luxury boutiques. As one courageous woman told the mob, they didn’t come together to fight for a cause, they were just taking down a shoe store.
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The Mystery of the Mesmeric Muggers

July 13, 2011 By: jessicazafra Category: Crime, Current Events 6 Comments →


The Cabinet of Dr Caligari

Holy hypnotists, Batman, are we in the middle of a crime wave?

We know there are criminals afoot in our clammy city—pickpockets, bag-slashers, muggers, carjackers, the “small-time” (although they are said to belong to crime syndicates) criminals as opposed to the large-scale operators who need to get elected into office first. The problem is not unique to Metro Manila—it’s supposed to be worse in other big cities—but we live here.

So we take precautions. In restaurants we never hang our bag on the back of a chair so a thief can casually walk out with it. It sits next to us where we can keep a constant eye on it, or hangs from a hook under the table. When walking outside we make sure our bags are zipped, not left open for a thief to pluck out our wallets. In certain areas we wear our knapsacks in front. When going home late at night, we ask our friends to take down the license numbers of the taxi. We adapt.

But what if the problem evolves?

Continue reading in the Philippine Star.

Self-hypnosis kit

Answerable Questions (Updated with Reyes’s ‘unfinished letter’ to the PCIJ)

February 11, 2011 By: jessicazafra Category: Crime, Current Events 6 Comments →

While everyone is writing solemn essays on whether the Reyes suicide is an act of courage or cowardice or the result of extreme depression, the difficulty of being good in a system shot through with corruption, and whether anyone involved in the ongoing investigation into corruption in the military has the moral authority to conduct such an inquiry, we can ask a few questions that would occur to anyone who’s seen an episode of Law and Order or C.S.I.

1. Is there a suicide note? What does it say?
2. In these cases there is usually a note. Are we sure there is no suicide note?
3. The timing is too interesting. The man made sure he would never speak again. Who benefits from his silence?

* * * * *

THE FINAL WORDS OF ANGELO T. REYES
A warrior comes clean in last battle for honor
BY MALOU MANGAHAS

LATE evening last Feb. 4, Friday, a long-time source suddenly called. Would I be free for brunch the next day, he asked. He wanted to consult me on something important.

We met the next day and he bared his purpose: Angelo ‘Angie’ T. Reyes, the former Armed Forces chief of staff and Defense secretary, wanted to see me so he could tell his story to “an independent journalist” – would I want to interview him? The source happened to be a senior trusted associate of Angie for the last decade or so. . .

Read A warrior comes clean in last battle for honor. Thanks to reader vanilla for the alert.

Angelo Reyes is dead.

February 08, 2011 By: jessicazafra Category: Crime, Current Events 19 Comments →

Former Sec. Angelo Reyes commits Suicide
Ex-Energy Chief shoots self in front of mother’s grave, dies at Quirino Hospital
By MANILA BULLETIN ONLINE
February 8, 2011, 9:03am
MANILA, Philippines – Former Energy Chief Angelo Reyes was reportedly shot in the chest. Reyes was rushed to the Quirino Hospital in Quezon City and reports have it that he died at around 8:30 a.m. He was 66. He is survived by his wife and 5 children.

UPDATE: Reyes was reported to have committed suicide. According to the EPD, Reyes visited his mother’s grave at the Loyola Memorial Park in Marikina City where he shot himself on the spot.

A preliminary showed that Reyes had bullet wound in the heart.

As per the Quirino Hospital sources, they tried to revive Reyes for 45 minutes before declaring him as expired.

* * * * *

Without restitution this gesture, though huge and appealing to the romantic sense, is empty.

The trouble with electronic monitoring bracelets: “I can’t even wear my knee-high croc boots!” Oh, the horror!

February 05, 2011 By: jessicazafra Category: Crime, Current Events 16 Comments →

If the ongoing Senate investigation into the “alleged misuse of military funds” is not graphic enough for you, revisit this 2009 interview with the high-living son of former military comptroller Carlos Garcia.

Marc by Marc Jacobs publicist Tim Garcia, under house arrest because of a criminal investigation, spent the night in a Gucci jacket and YSL boots.

Timothy Mark Depakakibo Garcia, a 25-year-old publicist for Marc by Marc Jacobs, has a court-ordered Fashion Week curfew. Perched on a sleek white Armani Casa chair in his apartment in the modern, gilded Trump Plaza at 502 Park Avenue, Garcia is decked in head-to-toe designer: a supple caramel leather Alessandro dell’Acqua jacket, Alexander McQueen jeans, a thin white LnA tee shirt and YSL boots. His wrists are adorned with a big Cartier gold and silver Tank watch, a Cartier Love bracelet, a white enamel Hermes bangle and a $1000 dollar large gold plated spiked Hermes cuff called the Collier de Chien.

The ankle bracelet limits Garcia’s fashion choices. “I can’t even wear my knee high croc boots by Sergio Rossi for the fall,” he laments. . .

Continue reading Fashion’s Night In in The Daily Beast. You may need one of these.

“We are third generation despots in the Philippines,” he says. So that’s where you got the money! Sorry I didn’t know you were in the tyranny business, I thought it was just stealing.

If your blood pressure is a little low this should send it zooming upwards. How to wear that electronic monitor: Use a Chanel ankle pouch! Ooh, clever!

Thanks to Budjette and Chus for the reminders.

* * * * *

These pieces ran in the US, but is the local media any different? People are lionized for what they own (materially) rather than what they’ve done. This is not a recent development, but now that everyone is his own media center we seem to hear of nothing else.