Twisted by Jessica Zafra – Pumping irony since 1994

Archive for the ‘Re-lay-shun-ships’

IM Instant Mommy contest: Send us your online dating stories.

August 19, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Contest, Movies, Re-lay-shun-ships No Comments →

Image: Eugene Domingo as Bechay. Screencaps from Leo Abaya.

Bechay works as a wardrobe mistress on advertising shoots. On a trip to Boracay, she meets the charming Kaoru, a Japanese businessman. They quickly fall in like and she gets knocked up. Kaoru is married, but he is in the process of divorcing his wife Hana—as soon as she gives her consent, because getting a divorce in Japan is complicated. In the meantime the now-pregnant Bechay and Kaoru make plans and keep in touch with regular video chats. Will Bechay’s dreams of domestic bliss become reality, or does that only happen on television ads?

Image: Yuki Matsuzaki as Kaoru. Yuki is our next guest on the podcast.

Instant Mommy, written and directed by Leo Abaya and starring Eugene Domingo, Yuki Matsuzaki and Luis Alandy, opens in theatres on August 28. While we’re counting down to opening day, send us your own (or your friends’, with their permission or they’ll never speak to you again) online dating/long distance relationship stories.

In the eternal words of schmaltzy slumbooks, “How did you met?” When did you start dating online? How did you “meet”? What were they like? What did you like about them? How far did it get? Did you actually meet, like in person? We want details! The ickier the better (Use a pseudonym).

postal notebooks
Postal notebooks by Moleskine: envelope-shaped stitched notebooks, ready to mail (or more likely, keep). If people wrote letters instead of chatting online, they’d have time to think about what they’re doing. More thinking, less trouble.

Post your stories in Comments. Three winners will receive Moleskine postal notebooks from National Bookstore; the first 20 contestants get Instant Mommy posters. Winners will be announced on IM opening day, August 28. See you in Comments!

How to ham it up like a professional

July 31, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Movies, Re-lay-shun-ships No Comments →

Yesterday we took a break from Cinemalaya to attend to our chores. Besides, our friends were also busy and we didn’t want to watch the movies alone. One of the things we enjoy the most about Cinemalaya is the discussion/debate that follows the screenings, usually over a very late dinner. We’re resuming our viewing this afternoon with Instant Mommy (We’ve only seen the offline edit) and Sana Dati.

After the aggravation of having the bathroom drain de-clogged (Probably the cats’ fault because they keep kicking kitty litter out of the box), we compiled all the questions you sent in for Tom Rodriguez and added some of our own (You’re a graphic artist. What would be the sigil of House Mott?).

Then we watched My Husband’s Lover. Is it just us, or have they been crying for the last two or three weeks? We did enjoy seeing Kuh Ledesma and Roi Vinzons as the gay husband’s parents. Kuh Ledesma’s character sounds like a lot of moms in denial about their gay sons (“They’re just confused, they need help.”). Roi Vinzons’s character is always holding a drink, which accounts for his constant good cheer, interrupted only by homophobic statements. “You’re lucky your son is very straight,” his brother-in-law declares. Oof.

We hope Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing gets shown in local theatres; while we wait there’s Kenneth Branagh’s adaptation from 20 years ago. Everyone looks tanned and fabulous: Emma Thompson, Kate Beckinsale, Robert Sean Leonard, Ken. Denzel Washington is insanely hot, and Keanu Reeves is beautiful. Fine, he’s terrible in it, and putting him next to excellent actors doesn’t help, but we’ll always be fond of Keanu.

Much Ado is a hoot—it’s the classic ligawan-tampuhan (courtship-hateship) scenario with gorgeous language. Evil Keanu tries to break up the young lovers, and once again someone comes up with the dopey solution: “Let’s tell the guy the girl has died so he’ll be sorry and they’ll get back together.” Yeah, tell that to Romeo and Juliet.

The best lines go to Benedick and Beatrice, played by Ken and Emma. Every time they’re in the same room they start sniping at each other. So their friends conclude that they really have a thing for each other: as they say in high school, “Uuyyyy, the more you hate, the more you love.” (Fine, sometimes the hatred may be sexual tension, but sometimes it’s just hatred.)

Denzel and co. hatch a plan: they tell Benedick that Beatrice is dying of love for him, and then they tell Beatrice that Benedick is madly in love with her. It works! Watch how classically-trained actors do slapstick, mug shamelessly, and overact intentionally.

“Love me! Why?”

If wireless fidelity is Wi-Fi, then the infidelity phone is In-Fi.

January 14, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Re-lay-shun-ships, Technology 1 Comment →


TOKYO—Over the past few years, as many people rushed to trade in their old phones for smartphones, Japan’s philanderers have remained faithful to one particular brand: Fujitsu Ltd.’s older “F-Series” phones, which feature some attractive stealth privacy features.

The aging flip-phone—nicknamed the “uwaki keitai” or “infidelity phone”—owes its enduring popularity to customers who don’t believe newer smartphones are as discreet at hiding their illicit romances.

Read Japan’s Philanderers Stay Faithful to Their “Infidelity Phones” in WSJ

Here comes your Wi-Fe! If we spot someone with this flip-phone we’ll just assume he’s a cheater.

Research says men and women can’t be “just friends”. What do you think?

January 03, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Re-lay-shun-ships 4 Comments →

There’s a whole movie about the issue.

Men and Women Can’t Be “Just Friends”
By Adrian F. Ward

Can heterosexual men and women ever be “just friends”? Few other questions have provoked debates as intense, family dinners as awkward, literature as lurid, or movies as memorable. Still, the question remains unanswered. Daily experience suggests that non-romantic friendships between males and females are not only possible, but common—men and women live, work, and play side-by-side, and generally seem to be able to avoid spontaneously sleeping together. However, the possibility remains that this apparently platonic coexistence is merely a façade, an elaborate dance covering up countless sexual impulses bubbling just beneath the surface.

Read the full article at Scientific American.

Hmmm. Interesting, but not very scientific. Then again 98 percent of our friends are gay men so we don’t have a problem being just friends. (Isn’t the term “just friends” is an insult to friendship?)

What do you think? We want stories! (You know you want to tell them.)

Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column #57: The ever-present ex

May 25, 2012 By: jessicazafra Category: Re-lay-shun-ships No Comments →

Dear Auntie Janey,

I found a picture of his ex girlfriend in his old Hickok wallet. The wallet is slightly tattered, but it is something I would still use compared to the black one he had when we went steady. This black wallet can be folded in three, like the brown Hickok and the Seiko he just bought. But it was coming apart in all sides, looking out of place amid my smiling graduation photo.

Read the rest in Auntie Janey’s own blog
, where you can post Comments and speak to Auntie Janey directly.

Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column # 56: Getting good grades

May 18, 2012 By: jessicazafra Category: Re-lay-shun-ships 7 Comments →

This is tiresome but we are repeating it for the benefit of readers with poor reading comprehension skills.


There. On to this week’s letter.

* * * * *

Dear Auntie Janey,

(Please Auntie Janey, sweet frank Auntie Janey, if you happen to be reading this on a good May’s day pay attention to this so I could still wake up and make necessary actions before the enrolment is over. Thank you.)

First like most of your letter senders I’d like to extend my gratitude and praises for your mere existence. You (or your writing and podcasts) somehow make me forget how boring my life has been for a couple of years now. But yes, sincerely, thank you. (Okay, I’m thanking much, like Wesley Gibson).

I’m a student of a pretty difficult 5-year course which naturally comes as a 4-year course (ledgers, balance sheets) to most schools. You see I study at a state university here in my hometown south of the country. I like it here anyway – life is simple and carefree. The problem is I flunked a subject on my 3rd year – 2nd semester so I am spending the whole of summer agonizing over this. (No we can’t study major subjects over the summer.) For the blame, I’ve found an addiction to Harry Potter since December 2011 so naturally I’ve been reading the books, rereading them, watching the movies, watching them again and searching all related materials on the Net (character profiles, actor profiles, quotes, fan fiction). But then again, it was my choice and I was happy all along. It was somewhat a childhood dream you see.

It’s not that I’ve spent time to think solutions to my problem – just that I need more help with my options.