JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

I love reading your responses to your letter senders! Straightforward, honest, exact advices, I so love that! The best ka po talaga!

I decided to take a shot and tell you my little piece of problem, and it goes like this: This started a long time ago, and it is still happening now. Now I feel the need to get this over with, with a few plans in mind, but I can’t seem to get to my final plan of finishing this off. Let me give you a little history or should I say background about my little piece of problem.

I have a crush on a gay guy. I decided to officially tag him as my “crush” because I believe he’s harmless (because he’s gay) and all I can ever do is just admire him. But as time passes by, it seems like he’s not totally harmless at all. He began to notice that I’m checking him out. Para pong ganito iyon analogy, I look at him and he would look back. An example scenario is this: there was even a time I caught him staring at me, there were times when I think he wants to do something, but never had the courage to do so. I tried my best not to assume anything at first; but I went ahead and over my head until I realized that I already have an interest of getting to know him more. I was not able to do anything about it because I’m extremely shy and I ain’t sure what’s his deal. Is it men? Is it women? Or both? Funny, isn’t it?

Fast forward to current-but-not-so-current turn of my little piece of life events. I never saw him for quite a long time. I thought I forgot about him, completely. Then there was a time I got a chance to see him and hang out with him. Ever since I got that chance as often as the situation permits, I started to feel something for him, and it made me really happy but annoyingly uneasy.

Unfortunately, that interest of getting close to him is still there, all this time. I hated that, dapat hindi na ganon. But I feel so happy and all-smiling every time I get the chance of hanging out with him. I know this sounds crazy and stupid, especially since I really think he is gay. Can I confess that I love that he’s like that, effeminate, soft, all-cute and charming. I can’t understand why but I love the way he is. Also, I still notice the same things I used to notice about him. All the more making me swirl into a pool of chaos and confusion. Yes, I am guilty of assuming he might actually like me. That little piece of assumption gave me a lot of sleepless, insomniac nights and I’ve had my share on the pool of tears too. I want my questions answered, but I honestly do not know how to get it.

I plan of telling him what I feel, this year. A year-round plan is long enough, but I still have my doubts as to whether I should do it or not. Whether it’s necessary or not. Maybe I could just wing it, try to forget it. But every time I rehearse my script, I ended up blabbering, rambling, just plain magulo. It felt right planning to tell him what I feel. I can even imagine that liberating feeling, finally it’s out there, finally he knows. But if he’s really gay and can never be interested in a girl like me and if I already know that I’m just headed for a great historical disaster of being dumped by an obviously homosexual man, then I shouldn’t do it. Rejection is pain, and pain is a hard thing to deal with. But sometimes, I think I’ll be ok with rejection because at least, I gave it a shot and I’ll have no regrets. At least I had the courage to face what I feel and I took action. Can you sense some confusion in me now?

Please give me slap-on-the-face (figuratively) advice on my little piece of problem. I can’t seem to get to my senses, I need my sane senses back. I feel so blank.

Thank you for the exclamation marks.

I cannot sense your confusion but I would say that you are inaccurate. You are not doing your job as an admirer. You are not even sure that your love interest is gay. In the third paragraph you declared that you have a crush on a gay guy. In the fourth paragraph, you pronounced him effeminate. Finally, in the fifth paragraph you pronounced him homosexual. You even asked “Is it men? Is it women? Or both? Funny, isn’t it?”

Ano ba talaga ateh? All this wringing of hands would be for nothing unless you confirm that you and your object of love are sexually compatible. Confeeerm mo muna because I feel that you are one of my people who are very susceptible to delusions. You should also polish your powers of observation. You managed to hang out with him and you did not even report on how he interacted with you? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I think there is some self-absorption and self-deception going on here. You only mentioned his actions towards you that you could interpret in your favor. Selective reporting! More tsks!

If he is gay, he might have been staring at you because he was thinking of ways to make you over. And confessing your love for him is absolutely NOT necessary. ARE YOU NUTS?! What do you need this drama for? Is your life so blah that you would humiliate yourself before a potentially gay guy? Do you know what that would do to your social life? You will be mocked as the lame girl who went out and confessed her love to a gay guy. Honey, this is something people will remember for a long, looooooong time. Wait, something just occurred to me, do you need attention?

If he is straight and interested, he would have made a move by now. You should have already heard whispers about his interest in you and his friends would have teased him and you when both of you are in the same vicinity. He would have made the most of the time that you hung out together to know you more.

Even if he turns out to be straight, I still advise against your planned confession. For one, it would be freaky for him if he is suddenly confronted by a girl who proceeds to confess her love. I have a feeling that despite the occasional interactions, the two of you don’t really know each other that well. For another, I believe that these romantic feelings of yours are a result of something else. This is not about the boy but really about you. You want DRAMA that’s why you have these musings on how liberating it would be to confess your love, on how you will be dealing with rejection, and on how there will be no regrets. Blah, blah, blah.

I should point out that most of the things that you’ve recited here are just assumptions. Maraming namatay sa maling akala.

I have been single for the past two years and some months now. Previously, I had a boyfriend who seemed to be an amazing man of God. We would exchange passages each morning from our daily devotions, he would fetch me after work, we would spend time talking with each other and just having a good time watching movies and listening to music. One morning, I just found out that he was still married and everything he said about his supposedly ex-wife is a lie. After finding out that he was cheating with me, I broke up with him and have been single since. It is not like no one has ever found interest in dating me, but I just have not found interest with the men who have been asking me out on dates. However, 7months after the break up, I started hooking up with a good friend of mine and we’ve been like that for a year and some months now. He is in a long distance relationship and has been on and off with her, and sometimes I think to myself “couldn’t it be that its you and me?”

Now am 25, turning 26 in December; and he is 36 turning 37 in December as well. At my age now, many of my friends keep on saying that I should settle down already, and have kids of my own. I keep on telling them that I cant even take care of myself how much more other people. And they would tell me that I should start to shape up, because my “expiration date” is coming up really fast. In reality, of course I want to be in a serious and stable relationship, but am too scared to really start dating and opening myself to other people again. At the same time, I have this man whom I have been seeing consistently for the past almost 2yrs, but I have no idea if he sees me as someone he could fall in love with or just really someone he could release all his tensions to. My thinking is that if the two us is ever going to work out as bf/gf, then it should’ve happened a long time ago. Maybe its stupid of me, because in spite the fact that i know he has this long distance girlfriend i still stood by him and still hope a little that one day he wakes up in love with me.

Recently we had this pregnancy scare, and both of us made sure that i was not gonna get pregnant. He research on female body clock and at the same time i took a 24hour pill to prevent possible pregnancy. During that phase, he showed concern about how i was doing and feeling, but thats about it. I think he was more concerned on assuring that i was not pregnant. Then i told him that if in any case the situation present itself, i am not going to force him to do anything he doesnt want to do. The next morning he apologized for how he acted and i told him that it was ok. Now, we are again back to how we were… We go out to movies, dinners, and whatever else.

So this is telling you my story in the hopes of maybe clarifying somethings in my life. Should i stop seeing this man and just find someone else to date? And if its better for me to see someone else, what exercise could I do so that I do not shut down immediately men who find interest to date me? If its a good idea to try and be with this man, then how should i begin telling him that i want us to try us be bf/gf?

Thank you Auntie Janey, hopefully I could read from you soon…

I’m writing this while taking a break from packing my stuff for a three-day trip to some remote beach in Camarines Norte. I am not particularly fond of the beach but I do take interest in rock formations, marine life, and in anything that would allow me to pretend I’m hosting a nature show on Discovery Channel. In the process, I make myself paranoid. I remember a time that I went to this island called Snake Island, because literally it was the nesting site of sea snakes during high tide. My inner Discovery commentator with a British accent said “Sea snakes are one of the most venomous snakes in the world”.

Speaking of snakes, I think you are playing with one. It’s a dangerous game that you are playing and you got almost bitten once. We all have this fascination for the dangerous despite our misgivings and it is such a thrill to do something which we know could backfire on us. It becomes more thrilling knowing that if we eluded harm or injury once, we could do it again. So we continue the dance.

I think you already know that you are just there to relieve his tensions, figuratively and literally. All the convenience without the corresponding obligations. Why should he make it more complicated by anointing you as his official girlfriend when he already gets what he wants without you making such a fuss about it? And as you yourself observed, if he wanted the two of you to be together, he would have already declared on Facebook that the two of you are in a relationship.

You could test the waters by withdrawing all your services from him. Let him chase you around a bit. Make yourself less available and try to do things on your own and with other people. I’ve written about this in my first ten columns or so, please look them up. If he pursues you, well and good. There is a chance that he would discover that you are the one. If he just let’s you go, well honey at least you had some good boinking.

It would be a bad idea to tell a man that you want to take things to the next level. “The Talk” will not do any good in your situation. You have been doing all the duties of a girlfriend or wife yet you do not have the official status. It has been going on for so long that I think you are just a buddy with benefits for him. A self-cleaning tissue, some mean people would remark(me).

I think you will have a hard time letting him go and dating other men because you have spent so much time on him already. But, if you do want to date other men, the best exercise is to go out there and actually date. When we are constantly exposed to something, our defenses are eventually lowered because we are already comfortable with it. You have only gotten used to just one man and by allowing yourself to meet other men(meet ha not sleep with) you may eventually get used to them and be at ease. See less or no more of him and throw yourself into the dating circle.

I’ve just noticed that my newly-bought humongous mountaineering bag(the original plan was to climb up some mountain) still has lots of space, I must restrain myself from stuffing all of my closet into it.

Ako ay isang hamak na babae na wala pang naging boyfriend sa 24 na taon na aking pamamalagi dito sa mundo. Aminado ako na hindi po ako kagandahan ngunit kahit papaano ay matalino naman po. Ngunit may isang pagkakataon na ang tadhana ay binibigyan ka ng pagsubok, pagsubok kung gaano katatag ang iyong utak at puso. Ako po ay nag-training sa isang center para sa mga barista at doon po nagsimula ang kalbaryong nararamdaman ko po ngayon.

Nagumpisa ng maayos ang aking training, nagkaroon ako ng pagakakataon na makakilala ng mga bagong mukha at kaibigan. Masaya po ang aking training ngunit may isang tao nagpakomplikado ng bahagya sa aking pamamalagi sa center. Isa po siyang lalake tawagin na lang po natin siya na Totoy Bato, hindi ko po siya kaklase pero sabay po ang oras ng aming training.

Isang araw, habang ako po ay namamahinga pagkatapos kumain ng lunch ay nagkataon po na naglakad-lakad po ako sa corridor ng aming classroom at sa saktong pagharap ko po sa aking likuran ay nandoon po yung lalake, si Totoy Bato po. Nagkita ang aming mga mata ng ilang segundo ngunit ako’y nailang sa pagkakatitig niya sa akin kaya agad ko pong inalis ang aking tingin sa kanya. Pagkatapos po ng mala-mahikang pagtitingin namin po ay naging habit na po niya na tumingin at sumulyap sa akin.

Nakikita ko po siya Auntie Janey, kaya nagtataka naman ako kung bakit ganoon na lamang kung tumingin siya sa akin. Sabi ko nga, hindi ako kagandahan at sa tingin ko po ay mas bata siya sa akin. Ano ba naman yung magugustuhan niya sa akin?

Sa tinagal na panahon na nakakasalamuha ko ang mga lalake, wala pang tumitig na kagaya ng kay Totoy Bato. Isang pagakakataon po na siguradong titigan niya ako ay noong pumunta ako ng CR, kase po Auntie Janey maliit lang po yung mga kwarto namin kaya yung CR na panlalake at pambabae ay nakalugar doon sa tabi ng kwarto nila, eh wala po akong choice kung hindi dumaan sa may kwarto nila at pagkalabas ko po sa CR ay nadoon po siya nakahintay at nakatayo sa may harapan ng pintuan ng CR po ng pambabae at nakatitig sa akin, as in nakatitig po siya. Wala man po siyang sinabi o anuman basta nakatingin po siya sa kin. Ang weird ng moment na yun, kaya ginawa ko po ay umalis na lang po ako na parang walang nangyare.

Marami pa pong beses na nagyari yun pero hindi na po sa may CR, araw-araw na lang ganyan siya basta may pagkakataon tumingin eh titingin siya, nakakairita po ng konte kasi nga po ni Hi or Hello wala po siyang sinasabe. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong gusto niya eh. Pagkatapos po nun eh, nakikismile naman, ewan ko nga ba sa kanya, mukhang may topak na si Totoy Bato sabi ko sarili ko. Ayaw ko pong mag-isip na may gusto siya sa akin eh, dyusko sa dinami-dami ng bata at magaganda sa training center namin bakit ako pa?

Anyway, hindi ko lang po sigurado kung ako nga lang tinititigan niya ng ganun, baka naninigurado lang yung lokong yun. At nung assessment day na po namin Auntie Janey eh, yung pong mga kaklase niya sa may kabilang kwarto ay may parang may kinakanta na KAILAN, yung kanta ng Smokey Mountain, inuulit-ulit pa nung kasama niya yung “bawat araw sinusundan, di ka naman tumitingin, anong aking dapat gawin?” Ayaw ko pong mag-assume na ako po yung pinaririgan nila eh kase masyadong surreal yun para sakin. Nag-highschool ako at tumapak ng college, wala akong naranasan na ganyan. Pagakatapos po nun eh, ulit-ulit na lang po yung ginagawa niya tingin dito tapos smile.

Hindi po siya nagsasalita Auntie Janey, as in wala. Alam naman po niya pangalan ko at alam ko rin naman po pangalan niya kase isa-isa po kaming tinatawag sa assessment po namin. Kung sanang nagsasalita lang siya at inamin niya kung ano pong gusto niya eh di ayus po ang lahat. Baka nga magustuhan ko pa siya.

Ngayon po Auntie Janey eh aksidente ko po siyang nakita sa isang social networking site at may mutual friend pa kami, so inisip ko naman po baka dito ay magsalita na siya, so in-add ko po siya as a friend then after 2 days, kinofirm po niya yung request ko, pero wala pa ring Hi or Hello na galing sa kanya. Pero, in fairness po sa kanya eh pinalitan niya po yung profile picture niya na mas maayos at magandang tignan, eh gwapo naman pala siya eh, yung nga lang di nagsasalita. I sent him a message then Auntie Janey, saying “Hi! Ikaw pala si Totoy Bato? kumusta naman?” nagreply naman pero matipid lang. Tapos yun, wala nanamang sabi-sabi.

Ano po ba sa tingin niyo ang problema ng lalaking yon? Nagtanong na po ako sa nanay ko at kaibigan pero parang hindi man sila convinced, they listen, yes kase anak niya ako at kaibigan ko sila. Hindi ko na alam ang iisipin ko, parang illusionada na lang ako na naga-assume na may gusto siya sa kin. Tapos may nakita akong picture na may kasama siyang babae, mas bata at maganda, estudyante rin siya sa training center namin. Nalungkot ako pero anong magagawa ko?

Sabi ng utak ko, move on pero, may nararamdaman po kasi ako talaga na meron pero hindi ko ma-explain. Mahirap kase eh baka masaktan ako, actually nasktan na po ako dun sa picture eh. Ano po ba sa tingin niyo ang dapat kong gawin Auntie Janey?

Salamat po,
Maria Clara

Mahal Kong Maria Clara,

Nang nabasa ko ang sulat mo, naalala ko ang kanta ni Tootsie Guevarra na “Pasulyap Sulyap”. Ang akmang bahagi ng awit para sa iyo ay “Pasulyap sulyap ka’t kunwari/Patingin tingin sa akin/ Di maintindihan ang ibig mong sabihin/ Kung mayrong pag-Ibig ay/ Ipagtapat mo na sa akin/ Agad naman kitang sasagutin”. Naalala ko rin ang awiting ito dahil ito ang kinanta ng kalaban ko sa tanghanglan ng pag-awit sa labas ng simbahan ng aming lungsod. Natalo ako.

Marami na ang nakaranas sa dinaranas mo ngayon. Marami na ring nabaliw, umiyak, at gumastos – lalo na ang mga bakla.

Kadalasan ang mga pagtitig na mga yan ang dahilan ng pagkasira ng maraming buhay at mga gabing walang tulog. Hindi kita masisi kung bigla kang nawili sa lalakeng yaon. Likas talaga sa atin ang mawili sa mga napupuna nating nawiwili sa atin. Kahit hindi natin aminin, nasasarapan talaga tayo kapag may pumapansin sa atin. Ikaw pa naman titigan araw-araw ng taong hindi mo kilala, tiyak mawiwili ka. “Ano kaya ang nakikita niya sa akin?” tanong mo sa sarili mo. At maiisip mo na siguro may taglay kang bagay na kaakit-akit na hindi mo alam na mayroon ka. “Someone appreciates me” ang paulit-ulit mong sasabihin sa sarili mo buong araw. Tuwing maliligo ka, kakanta ka ng “Yuu layt ap may layp. Yuu gib mi hop to kiri on…”

Sa totoo lang, ang ginawa ni Totoy Bato (alam ko anong istasyon yan) ay ang pinakapangunahing pamamaraan ng pangliligaw. Kahit ang mga tambay diyan sa kanto ay alam ito. Ito rin ang ginagamit ng mga magagandang lalake na walang trabaho at nangangailangan ng pera. Kadalasan, binibigyan nila ng matinding pansin sa simula ang mayamang babae o bakla. Nang masanay na ang babae o bakla sa walang tigil na pagpansin at pagaaroga, bigla na lang titigil ang mga lalake. Maghahanap ngayon ang babae o bakla sa pansin at alaga na dati ay binasbas sa kanila. Sa kagustuhan nilang makuha ulit iyon, magbibigay na sila ng pera, bagay, o gagawa sila ng mga bagay para sa nakaakit sa kanila. Dito kadalasan nagsisimula ang mga iskandalo.

Hindi ko masasabi na umibig si Totoy Bato sa iyo. Pero sigurado akong may balak siya dati sa iyo. Kung may gusto talaga siya sa iyo, sana ay gumawa na siya ng mga hakbang para makilala ka ng mas mabuti. Ngunit hanggang titig lang siya. Hanggang doon lang iyon. Kalimutan mo na siya at tanggalin mo na siya sa Mukha-Aklat.

Ang payo ko para sa lahat ay: Kapag may nagbigay pansin sa inyo, huwag magpahalata na nawiwili kayo. Hintayin ninyo silang gumawa ng mga hakbang para mas lalong mapalapit sila sa iyo. Huwag padalos dalos at huwag masyadong pag-isipan. Tandaan ninyo na ang yaong tunay na may gusto ay maghahanap ng paraan para makuha kayo.

Nagmamahal,