JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Team manager Phil Gittus, Justin Coveney (with earbuds), and players who were asleep because they’ve been training almost continuously since Tuesday afternoon. Justin is a lawyer in Sydney. He does civil suits; mostly they represent insurance companies. Does that mean you’re evil? I asked. He said they had to deal with a lot of ambulance chasers.

Dispatch from moving bus. We’re on the way to Clark airport to catch the flight to Kota Kinabalu. On board: 11 members of the national men’s rugby team, Coach Matt Cullen, Manager Phil Gittus, and trainer Damian Raper. The 12th member we pick up at the gas station after SM North. More on him later.

The team will compete at the Borneo 7s, where they placed sixth overall last year. This year they’re ranked tenth after the disappointment of the Shanghai 7s. The Volcanoes are hoping to qualify for the 2011 Hong Kong 7s, the biggest most prestigious sevens tournament on earth.

The captain of the Borneo 7s team is Harry Morris, who is already known to readers of this website. (The first thing he said: “Are you prepared to see some skin on this tour?” I said, “We’re not used to seeing you clothed.”)

According to Coach Matt Cullen, this is a bigger, stronger team than the one sent to Shanghai. Many of the members are playing for the Philippines for the first time: there’s Patrice Olivier, 20, who’s Filipino-French. He says he doesn’t speak much English, so my 12 units of French and many Eric Rohmer movies may come in handy (I know two horrible cusswords).

Say Bonjour to Patrice, one of the newest members of the Philippine Volcanoes. He’s from the south of France. I noted that there are lots of Filipinos in France. I’ve never seen a Filipino in France, he said. Except my sister. To his right is team trainer Damian Raper. He’s not Filipino, and he has no emotional/cultural and especially no financial reason to be working with the Volcanoes. He just believes in the cause and wants to help. People like that do exist.

The team bus made a pit stop in QC to pick up the 12th player, who is probably known to you. His name is Andrew Wolff. “Do we have to pick him up because he’s a celebrity?” I asked. No, it’s because he lost his wallet at their office building the other night. This morning he checked his facebook account and saw a message: a security guard had found his wallet. So he went to retrieve his wallet, and we retrieved him.

Andrew Wolff has nerd cred. He got his A levels in Math and Latin.

Digression. Andrew Wolff is even more beautiful from three inches away than on a billboard thirty feet high. I know this because I am sitting next to Andrew Wolff. To be more exact, we are scrunched into a two-person seat and his muscles take up a lot of room. Oh the horror and tedium of my life, that I have to squeeze into a seat with Andrew Wolff.

By the way we will refer to him as Wolfie as there are three Andrews on the team: Wolff who is half-Brit and speaks pretty good Tagalog, having lived here five years; and Everingham and Farrar, both half-Australian.

This exclusive coverage of the Philippine Volcanoes at the Borneo 7s is brought to you by JessicaRulestheUniverse.com through a sponsorship from Globe Telecom.

On Thursday the Philippine Volcanoes national men’s 7s rugby team flies to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia to compete in the Borneo 7s rugby tournament. Last year the newest, fastest-rising team in Asia shocked the established rugby powers with a runner-up finish in the Plate final (6th overall in a field of 12). This year they intend to do better—and we’ll be watching them every second, Live.

JessicaRulestheUniverse.com will cover the Philippine Volcanoes’ excellent adventure in Borneo so thoroughly, you’ll be begging us to stop. With game reports, interviews, guest bloggers, live chats, food reviews, tourism features, Filipino language lessons and more information about the team than you could possibly need.

And because we’re serious about our reportage, we’re doing video.

Make sure you have constant broadband access from 28 October to 1 November, 2010.

This exclusive coverage of the Philippine Volcanoes at the Borneo 7s is brought to you by Globe Telecom.

I give up. Here’s a Letts on Saunders sandwich. Write your own article and put it in Comments. You want to. Thanks, now I have more time to read Vassily Grossman.

Jake.

You have spoken.

* * * * *

0924hrs. Ooh there’s wifi in the conference hall.

Where are your love letters to Lettsy?

The Philippine Volcanoes, the national men’s rugby union team
Gold medalist, Rugby 7s, 2005 Southeast Asian Games
Silver medalist, 2007 Southeast Asian Games
(Rugby was not in the programme at the 2009 Southeast Asian Games.)
Champion, 2008 ARFU Asian 5 Nations Division 4
Champion, 2009 ARFU Asian 5 Nations Division 3
Champion, 2009 ARFU Asian 5 Nations Division 2
Not representing the Philippines at the 2010 Asian Games.

Because they might win something? That would really disrupt the cycle of official recrimination and blamestorming that follows just about every Philippine appearance at international sports competitions. Where would we get our regular dose of self-pity then?

Maybe I misread the report. Or maybe it was a clerical error.

dibee, for the one about the inception. Congratulations, dibee, you’ve won the Bret Easton Ellis set: Less Than Zero and Imperial Bedrooms. Please post your full name in Comments (It won’t be published) and we’ll alert you when your prize is ready.

Thank you to everyone who joined LitWit Challenge 3.7. These contests are meant for entertainment, but we are flattered that people take it seriously. We all need stories in order to survive, and we need all the ammunition we can get.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

It’s time for this week’s Jock With A Book: Oliver reading The Ultimate Dark Knight by Frank Miller. (Ganyan din kami pag nagbabasa ng Batman.)

Either he really likes Batman or he’s planning to eat the book.

Segue to:

Note hauteur with which Cookie Monster says, “What frog doing in my bedroom?”

* * * * *
dibee, you can pick up your books any day starting Thursday September 30 at the Customer Service counter of National Bookstore in Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. Their number is (02) 8974562. Please claim your prize before November 30, 2010.

To all the previous winners: If you have unclaimed prizes at National in Rockwell, please pick them up by October 15. Thank you.