For as long as I can remember, the Oscars have been telecast “live” on Channel 9â€”so many commercials were squeezed into the breaks that the broadcast ran two hours after the winners’ names were announced on CNN. This year the Academy Awards aired live on the Velvet cable channel, which some of us do not have, so we invited ourselves to a friend’s house for Oscars brunch.
As far as I am concerned this is an excellent batch of nominees, but there is one work of true genius among them, and it is Paul Thomas Anderson’s There Will Be Blood. Even its flaws underscore its brilliance. That said, I did not think it could win Best Pictureâ€”because The Coens’s No Country For Old Men had swept the guild prizes, and because I didn’t think the voters would like it. It is not a picture that wants to be liked. So I joined Raymond in betting on No Country, while Leo and Chus bet on Blood. The fact that Leo and Chus had not actually seen Blood, and the fact that No Country both impressed and repelled me (I’d like to believe that humanity deserves more than a stain on the bottom of a shoe), were immaterialâ€”we were going for probabilities and outcomes.
– Alright, no one say anything about the host, he’s my husband.
– Is everyone pregnant?
– Obscene proposal to Javier Bardem.
– Why is Amy Adams (from Enchanted) dressed like a matron?
– Or a congressional spouse.
– In something from Karimadon.
– Poor girl, that song doesn’t really work without the rats and cockroaches. She doesn’t even have visual effects or back-up dancers, it’s not fair.
– Tilda Swinton! Upset!
– Nanalo si Aling Tilda, makakabili na siya ng manggas. (Now that Tilda’s won, she can buy another sleeve.)
– All the live action short nominees are foreign.
– Haay ang guapo ni George Clooney! Aww, I’d do Seth Rogen.
– Make up your mind. Clooney or Rogen?
– Obscene proposal to Colin Farrell. A talented actor whose best work is still that sex video.
– Colin, you need to see Chus about your hair.
– The sound is awful, I can barely hear them sing Falling Slowly.
– This show looks like it was thrown together at the last minute. Did the montage-makers go on strike too?
– Ricky texted. They forgot to put Brad Renfro in the In Memoriam montage.
– Ha ha, the orchestra won’t interrupt the winner for Musical Score with a snippet from his musical score. Because that would be ironic.
– Nooo, the orchestra cut off Marketa!
– (Big laugh at “That guy is so arrogant!”)
– Jon brought her back! I love you, Jon.
– (Cate Blanchett grimaces at the clip from Elizabeth: The Golden Age, summing up how we feel about that movie. Applause.)
– Oh no, is Juno going to win?
– La Vie en Rose was so-so, but Marion Cotillard was spectacular as Piaf.
– Tapos na ba? Pag local awards show, last ang Best Actress. (Is it over? On local awards shows, Best Actress is awarded last.)
– Gil-roy! Gil-roy! Oh blast.
– In fairness, carry ni Diablo Cody ang damit na yan. (To be fair, Diablo Cody carries that outfit well.)
– Why is she pulling it down? If you’re going to wear a dress slit to there, be prepared to show “there”. And she’s a former stripper.
– (All together) Viggooooooooooo.
– Sana yung fight scene na lang ang pinalabas para nakahubad siya. (They should’ve shown the fight scene where he’s naked.)
-(I decide to change my cat Mat’s name to Matthias Eomer Federer-Urban-Day-Lewis.) He’s really a writer’s son, note how he summed up the theme of the evening.
– This really is a beauty contest. Marty should wear a cape and crown and pass them on to his successor.
– (All together) P-T-An-der-son!
– Oh well. Which one is married to Frances MacDormand?
– We win! Let’s get halo-halo.
– (We all get up and walk to Kozui for halo-halo.)