Since I flatlined in the first ten minutes of My Big Love, directed by Jade Castro and starring Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga, this review follows the Stages of Death.
Anger. This movie is worse than awful, it aspires to mediocrity. We know this is a studio product made specifically for Milby and Gonzaga fans, but must it be so dull and vacuous? They tossed out the basic elements of storytelling (Conflict? Tension?) and replaced them with insipid musical montages. Is it sheer laziness or a refusal to engage the audience’s intelligence? The pace is leaden, the characters’ behavior unnatural, the dialogue stilted and crammed with platitudes, the score relentless. If that music does not stop, I’m going to shoot the speakers.
Denial. This can’t be by the writer and director of Endo.
– Didn’t you say he was brilliant?
– I meant Raul Castro! (of McCann, not Cuba.)
– But you’re a huge fan. . .
– Of Fidel Castro! Especially when he was hanging out with Che Guevara!
Bargaining. Just 5 more minutes, it might get better.
Acceptance. It’s crap. Not that anyone’s opinion matters, since it’s probably a hit.
– We’re not really the target market for this.
– Yes. We’re not in a coma.
P.S. I forgot to include Mike’s comments. We’d already figured out the plot from the poster, so he was free to concentrate on details. “Ay, that lamp is from SM. He didn’t transfer the roast chicken onto a proper serving plate! Luma ang equipment sa Gold’s Gym. May personal trainer ba na 24 hours at outdoors? What does she charge, P10,000 a day? Ang cute naman ng brother niya. Saan ba ang barangay na yan at ang cute ng mga istambay?”