LitWit Challenge 2.6: Letter to your ex (Updated: You have to read the entries.)
The winner of this week’s LitWit Challenge: The Absolute Pits will get this set of hardcover books:
A Mad Desire To Dance by Elie Wiesel, “a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize and one of our fiercest moral voices, a provocative and deeply thoughtful new novel about a life shaped by the worst horrors of the 20th century and one man’s attempt to reclaim happiness.”
Nothing To Be Frightened Of by Julian Barnes, “a memoir on mortality that touches on faith and science and family as well as a rich array of exemplary figures who over the centuries have confronted the same questions he now poses about the most basic fact of life: its inevitable extinction.”
Bicycles by Nikki Giovanni, in which “romantic love—and all its manifestations, the physical touch, the emotional pull, the hungry heart—is distilled as never before by one of (America’s) most talented poets.” (“Like never before!” — N, R)
How do you get your hands on these books? We’ll require some more sordid self-exposure. As LitWit Challenge 2.5: Confessions, Revelations, etc showed us, there’s nothing like spilling your guts. You release bottled-up emotions, we get to watch, and we all feel better afterwards.
Here’s the deal: Write a letter to your ex (or if you never got together, an object of your affections) telling them all the things you were dying to say but never got around to verbalizing. We’ll lift the word count limit for this, but be kind to the judges’ eyes. Post your letters in Comments. The deadline for your entries is 11.59pm on Saturday, 10 April 2010.
The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.
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Oooh, good stuff. I love these confessions. And since we don’t know who’s confessing or whom they’re referring to, we’re technically not exploiting our personal histories for (very little) gain. Keep them coming!
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
April 6th, 2010 at 02:05
to my ex:
J,i NEVER liked going down on you.never.i just did it because i know it made you happy.i loved you that much.
April 6th, 2010 at 14:24
Dear Ex, I am sorry for dumping you on your birthday for another man. Although you deserve it, it’s my fault. And oh, your dick is abnormally small. You should have it checked. Sincerely, Your Ex.
April 6th, 2010 at 15:53
To N:
Just to clarify things, I didn’t leave you because I found someone else. I didn’t leave you because you cheated on me. I didn’t leave you because you juggled 5 relationships at the time and I was lucky number 4.
I left you because you left me broken – not spiritual broken, but financially broken. After 2 years of being indebted to my P100,000 credit limit per card (and I had 3), I realised that I should’ve never lived with you outside of my means, and that I’m too young to be a sugar daddy.
April 6th, 2010 at 15:55
Eleven,
I knew I should have taken it as a sign when my computer wouldn’t allow me to burn you a DVD of Agatha Christie’s Poirot-Marple anime. I shouldn’t have wasted so much time thinking about you and worrying if your not communicating with me via text meant you had met a tragic death. Maybe I just easily care for people. Sorry if that scared you.
You should know though that you look good in braces, you have a lovely nose, and you’re not fat. Thanks for unknowingly teaching me a lot of things, among which are that the sanguine and melancholy temperaments are compatible but not in our case; stories like The Notebook make it look like it’s rather easy for a poor guy and a rich girl to be in love; clothes make a man, and if mine are not branded or I can’t carry formal attire well, I pretty much suck; and, “OK” and “all right” are the more appropriate and therefore widely accepted forms of “okay” and “alright.” Nerd.
Would have been yours but it seems you already have someone else now,
Thirteen
April 6th, 2010 at 17:11
A letter to the object of my affections. I’ll use fake names to protect identities. And because pseudonyms are fun. Here goes.
Hayley,
In the closing weeks of Senior year in high school, I decided to swear off romance indefinitely, as I will be leaving our poor excuse for a city in June to study in Manila. I decided I would jump back into romance only when I’m settled and comfortable in my new school. Sounded like a plan.
And then we met.
You’re not afraid to march to the beat of your own drum. You’re witty and fun to be with. I enjoy my conversations with you. You’re a rare gem of a girl. It didn’t take too long for me to fall in like.
However, it would be stupid for me to try to pursue you. Two reasons: one, as I said, I’m leaving in June, and a long-distance thing would be hard; and two, you seem really happy with your kinda-boyfriend.
I’ve considered at least telling you I like you on a few occasions but ultimately thought better of it. You seem really happy, and I’m really happy that we’re friends. I like the friendship we have now. I don’t think it’s worth risking ruining it.
In the unlikely event that you come across this and realize that this is me and that I’m talking about you, hi. I wish you all the best and will be thinking of you fondly.
<3, redflag. lulz.
April 6th, 2010 at 17:50
to my ex,
you broke my heart when you broke my Macbook. go to hell.
April 6th, 2010 at 19:11
C:
you left me when you met my older sister. ok.
you followed her to singapore after a few weeks of being together. ok.
you two got married there, with no family members present, because it “didn’t seem right” that you were living together without the sacrament. ok.
my sister gave you a place to live and helped you find a job, when back here in the philippines you were a big old bum still fighting with your mama about clean sheets and being the one to close your house gate. ok.
my sister was a lesbian before you got together. you’re the first and (ideally) last man that she’ll ever be with. and she’ll never get to experience all the other dicks out there, which are all so much better than yours, because that thing is preternaturally tiny. you should have it checked.
oh, and your cherub tattoo? it’s the generic chubby-cheeked angel you see on cross stitch patterns. how reassuringly masculine!
OKAY!!!
April 6th, 2010 at 20:13
,
You certainly did not do me favor by texting that you love me on my 18th birthday. I didn’t know which was more embarrassing – getting all my hopes up after pining for you for five years, or realizing that it was a “mis-sent” several days later.
I should’ve seen it coming when U tEXtED !t T0 mE LyK diS.
I’m so happy that you keep failing the board exam after three years of re-taking it.
April 6th, 2010 at 20:41
Dear X,
Way back then, I was not sure why I can’t make myself have sex with you. All I said was “I wasn’t ready”. Now I think I know why:
A. I can’t stand the idea that you nailed a provincial prostitute to lose your virginity.
B. You’re such a Papa’s Boy. Grow a spine, you’re already 23? 24?
C. The idea of you getting me pregnant and then making me live with your parents suck the libog out of me.
But yes, I’m still the bigger loser for still wanting to be friends with you after we broke up. I was undecided and confused when we parted ways. Getting over is not a core competency of mine. Please excuse my pathetic attempts to talk to you. I still hate you for easily forgetting 2 years, for being so rational, unemotional, and unattached.
—-> your little geisha.
April 6th, 2010 at 20:49
J,
I’m about 100% sure that my sense of self-worth would have dropped even farther had we remained a couple. You ending our relationship was one of the best things anyone has ever done for me so I suppose I should thank you for that.
I don’t know if you feel sorry for me for still being single while you leaped from girl to girl but let me say this: I may still be single but I’m hot (or at least hotter than I was when we were together, as our mutual acquaintances will all-too readily attest), I’m happy and I don’t need a man (or anyone for that matter) to make me feel good about myself.
No love,
K
PS you looked better fat.
April 6th, 2010 at 20:52
To C,
Sorry you found out too late the man you married is shooting blanks. And is terrified of dogs. I heard you guys just bought a fab house. A fab, quiet house.
April 6th, 2010 at 21:24
To my ex-future-ex
You weren’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
No, you weren’t much of a looker either.
But for some grotesque reason,
I so wanted you to manhandle me.
Too bad you never knew.
You would have indulged me too.
April 6th, 2010 at 21:25
d, so i really thought you’d be the one. silly me for thinking that just because we read the same authors, are fans of the same sports, love the same culture, and both have a thing for “studying”, we’d actually be perfect for each other. guess we just had too many things in common because, it turns out, we also love the same gender.
April 6th, 2010 at 21:28
hi,
thank you for being nice to me despite the age difference. you made my first job less scary and more interesting. although you also made it inconvenient because i was always painfully conscious of your presence.
i would have liked to get to know you better, but that would be asking for trouble and all sorts of complication. you’ll be leaving soon and starting a new milestone in you life.
i wish you the best and hope you at least remember having known me, even though i doubt that we’ll see each other again.
April 6th, 2010 at 22:02
to Lestat, the object of my affection:
We’ve been really good friends for quite some time now (six ++ years), and in all those years that we’re together I’ve come to love you. I really don’t think you don’t notice how much I care for you, as I believe your heart is not made of stone (in fact, you’ve been so kind as to take in a stray kitten you met from the streets). I’m not the type who thinks too much with every little thing that you do. But somehow you’ve also shown that you care for me deeply. Sometimes when you look at me, it’s as if there’s really something you want to tell me. What?
I know I should be more vocal of my feelings, and tell you right to your face. But there’s this doubt that’s been gnawing on me from the time I saw you with your pretty friend. Is he the reason why you’ve never had a girlfriend? I’ve been meaning to ask you this, but I just couldn’t summon the courage to ask. Are you gay? Is he your boyfriend? Hope you’re reading this, and realize that I’m talking to you. Please let me know. So that I can somehow decide whether to quash my feelings altogether and accept the hard truth that we can never be more than friends. I know it would be hard to let go of these feelings, but it would be easier than not knowing if I should keep on waiting or just let go.
Waiting in vain,
Gabrielle_Cecilia
April 6th, 2010 at 22:31
M,
You were the only crush I had who pre-emptively shot me down. Everyone else tolerated the weird behavior I displayed whenever they were around. I never even wrote you crap I tried to pass off poetry (just ask Crushes #3, 5, 8, and 11) and all I ever did that could be misconstrued as actual attempts to get anywhere with you was to give you that fountain pen for Christmas.
And, yet, in spite of those two text messages you sent more than three years ago that had horrible spelling and even worse grammar about how you were “nt interestd,” I forgave you. Even if my intuition told me that it would never work out with your taste in books that I found not just mediocre but actually laughable, I knew I had to give you a mix CD. No matter how many times I tried to change my personality a la Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse every year of medical school, every persona I took on, anyone I could ever be ended up falling for you.
And even then, you somehow managed to hurt me even more. They were subtle but they were there like how you ditched me at the last-minute when I asked you out to watch Wall-E or when you did not even answer your phone when I discovered that the Department of Pediatrics lost my papers and required me to have make-up duty for almost 168 hours as compensation, yes, that very same department you were the liaison for in our block, the very same department you wanted to take up residency in.
Internship is starting soon and I have cooked up another persona which hopefully will be ten times smarter than my previous ones. You will never hear any of this from me directly because I know, deep down, my subconscious could and would never attempt to bring you something that would potentially hurt you even if you deserve it.
E
April 6th, 2010 at 22:40
A,
I was semi-out and happy with it, but you came and just threw the doors wide open. My biggest fear has always been rejection, but I faced it when I finally told you. I don’t know if you really knew how much you meant to me, but I know that I was naive then.
Anyway, we both have our own lives now, and I may even be just a minor blip in your past. But I hope I see you again one day. Honestly, I don’t know how I will react after 15 years, but I’d like to see you just the same. And maybe see if I am still as naive as I was back then.
April 6th, 2010 at 22:46
Dear Ex,
I could put up with your lousy taste for the cheesiest music, your “barok” and masa humor, and that you prefer to watch the most inane movies and TV shows. You still had that certain charm.
But I broke up with you when I found out you don’t like to read. That, I couldn’t take.
April 6th, 2010 at 22:56
dear sir,
nakakahiya mang aminin, patay na patay pa din ako sayo, kahit matagal na akong gumaradweyt. at kahit hindi ko aminin na ako yung jologs na katextmate na nakikipaglandian sayo dati, alam kong alam mong ako yun. if i know, kating-kati ka ding patulan ako, takot mo lang sa girlfriend mong naging professor ko din.
at talagang hinanap at inadd mo pa ako sa facebook. at may pacomment-comment ka pang nalalaman dyan. kelan man e hindi tayo naging close noh, che. oo, pinagnanasaan kita hanggang ngayon pero utang na loob, tantanan mo ng pagpapansin sa akin. may anak na kayo ni ma’am. baka magsisi ka kapag bumigay ako sa kalandian mo.
maawa ka naman sa akin. at sa kanila na din.
nagmamahal,
epaloids
April 6th, 2010 at 23:45
EXman,
I knew you were gay the moment I first saw you. Before that, I had some inkling that you swing for the other side when I heard you talk ever so passionately about oxtail and Christmas time in Divisoria. That you called me a hag – bruha! – in your most unguarded moments only bolstered my suspicion.
I hated you after we parted ways. But it was not that difficult to forgive you. Two months of belting out Why by Annie Lennox during videoke sessions helped a lot; I pretended to be you whenever I sang it. Constantly watching Adam Lambert on Youtube also helped a lot.
I hope that you would find your way out of the closet soon. Life is too short, and you of all people should know that, Doc.
Acceptance is always the key,
emily
April 6th, 2010 at 23:52
Dy,
Bwiset ka. Deleting your numbers on my phone, removing you from my contacts on YM and other social networking sites is such a waste. It stinks big time to realize how my feeble attempts in getting rid of you only reinforce the more stinking truth that I still have feelings for you.
Do me a favor, stay where you are. Please don’t come back soon or tell me you’d like to see me when you get home. I need more time to forget you and move on. Plus, hindi pa ako pumapayat at kumikinis. Miss you.
April 7th, 2010 at 02:00
Dear “Vic,”
I imagine writing you this letter when I’ve forgotten your name. You can be a “Vince,” or an Alvin,” or even a “Glen;” tall, lean, quiet-type, seemingly snob at first. I remember faces better, especially those who are, or at least, once, dear to me, like seeing familiar images in random through a camera with inaccurate lens. Thus, I made this piece, which pretty much tells the gist of what I wanted to say.
Re-captions
I catch your gaze before you flash a smile. My mind strains to find a name, but gets lost in places, some other times.
Memories are diluted, over-saturated; blanc & noir, green, red. I remember
having my foot wounded by a nail, then seeing everything, even the sun, bleed.
From another angle, you can see you’re almost stepping on a hand, a pair
of limbs sprawled—a child on the floor, fish-eyed, looking up.
I used to hold a mirror, the size of a platter, below me. Then I’d walk on clouds, looking down.
You can get in and out of the city, chasing cable wires; these panoramas of skies, my daydreams in transit.
I take a late night trip on a bus, bound to crash into a wall of snapshot spectacles of cam-whores and freak fashion shows. Never mind the glare, your finger showing in the frame.
Load, point, and shoot; the world pausing, posing; ceasing to reek,
honk, bounce, spill.
In the street, in between streaks of light as if the world is moving too fast, making up for lapses in time at every press of the shutter—maybe at this spot, we’ve crossed paths.
April 7th, 2010 at 02:00
You,
I really liked calling you by your first name, instead of that nickname you want to be called by everyone which is just so horrible childish. I liked calling you by your first name because it was just so masculine. And that’s what I really liked about you — your masculinity. You were — and still are — so virile. True, you may not be very tall, but your arms — my god your arms, those bulging biceps — and that smirk you put on your face when you found something entertaining: you just drove me mad. As if your physical qualities weren’t enough, you just had to be a book lover. I mean, come on, you were an athlete. But still you loved reading: you completely won me over by that.
You know those times when I would just seemingly pop out of nowhere whenever you had free time? Well, I planned all of that out. And I would always make sure, when I finally knew your breaks, that I was always there to keep you company, in the guise of indifference, of pretending that I didn’t care you were there, I just needed you to help me pass the time for my next class. Deep inside, though, I was ecstatic, elated, overjoyed, insert-ridiculously-optimistic-adjective whenever we had the chance to talk. Your stories I remembered, every single detail, and your secrets I cherished.
But alas, it is so hard to be ‘different,’ so hard to like someone very, very much, when at the very start you know it will be unrequited and it will never work out, whatever you do. I feverishly hoped you were like me, or had just an inkling of a tendency to be like me, stopping short of intensely praying that you aren’t as straight as an arrow as you seem to be. Nature won, though, and straight you are and I know I can never do anything to change that.
All of those days when I fell so much in like with you, I wanted my feelings for you to end. Whenever I heard sad songs, especially in the morning, they were enough to tear me up on the inside. It was hard to be so in like with you yet it was so good — but that’s how emotions are.
In the end, though, I knew had to make a choice. You see, I don’t like getting hurt over things I know I cannot change. And even if you inspired wells of emotion from me, even if you never saw them, it was either remain getting hurt, or move on. Lost causes are lost causes, and I knew that I can find others to really like — even love — who possess the traits you have, and who are like me.
At the risk of sounding too maudlin here — as if the start wasn’t already — I’ll stop this now and say that it feels good to write all of this, even if you won’t be able to read it. I’ve moved on. Goodbye forever to you, then.
Me
April 7th, 2010 at 02:08
“Being Happy” talks about conditioning your brain. Thinking of your goal 24/7 will condition the universe to move towards achieving your goal. Think of a positive mantra/image you’ll be reciting over and over until your body, mind and spirit embraces it. The universe will then move to your desires. Slowly you’ll find things, people and certain events presenting themselves and help you achieve your goals.
If you want to become rich, think of how good money and power feels. Think about it 24/7. Slowly you will notice opportunities to become rich crop up. If you have committed yourself to your goal, you will study all your options make your move and be closer to becoming rich. This mental conditioning has worked and is working for me. I want to become more ‘Stable’. These being: Emotional Stability, Financial Stability, Spiritual Stability, Street smarts, Good IQ, Good looks, Pink of Health (Disclaimer: It’s a work in progress. I’m constantly trying to become stable in my own ways).
What if you want to get over a person? Should you constantly repeat “Sana makalimutan ko si Boo”. I think that would be absurd because repeating his name over and over will make you remember even more. That won’t work.
Turn the statement into a positive. Should you use “You’ve made me stronger by breaking my heart!” (acknowledgments are in order: kudos to Ate Regine. That’s a song title from her album ‘My Love Emotion’ certified Asian blockbuster hit.) It’s positive in that you are now stronger but it still mentions the asshole who broke your heart in the first place. Dapat ngang kalimutan, bakit dapat banggitin?
Actually, I don’t miss the person. I just miss the feeling, that’s all. I miss the security of a relationship and the perks that comes with it. Masarap kasi yung may katuwang ka. May kasama ka. Someone you can share your thoughts with, your time with, your dreams, your fears, your life. You know he will be there para kumampi sa iyo. To offer you an opinion, a shoulder, extra push pag kailangan mo. I think about what used to be and could have been. Pag may nakakatawang nangyari sa akin, automatic siya ang maiisip ko para kwentuhan. Kasi matatawa iyon at macocornihan sa akin. Syempre nandyan ang mga kaibigan ko na ready rin makinig sa mga kwento kong walang kwenta. Pero, may mga private jokes din kami na kami lang ang nakakaintindi. I’ve got these neurosis na hindi ko na kailangang i-explain sa kanya kasi naiintindihan niya kahit di ko sabihin. I snore a lot pag pagod, pero wala kang maririnig na reklamo. Due to my peptic ulcer I also burp and fart a lot, he would give an advice or encourage me to seek professional help.
I never asked for too much…. At least I think so. You ask him now and he may say a different thing. I know I have worked hard and sacrificed a lot to make the relationship work. I know it’s not a honeymoon all the way to the end. There were lots of hurdles along. I prepared myself for most of them and decided to be very flexible for the ones I never anticipated for. Daming beses naming muntik mag hiwalay. Some of them were my fault, some were his, most were both to our fault. I want to think I handled the relationship during these conflict periods. I would always be the first to say sorry, give my apologies, state a resolution. Sabi ko nga kanina, napaghandaan ko na ang mga problema, o di kaya handa akong magbago para wala nang problema.
Unfortunately, on our last ‘conflict’ I’ve decided not to take the first step to reconciliation. I thought, this time, he should recognize, acknowledge and make amends for his mistake. Kung ako pa rin ang mag a-adjust, mawawalan na ako ng respeto sa sarili ko. I waited for his move. It has to be right. He has to know exactly what he did wrong and what should be done to make up for it.
It didn’t happen.
I had a list of things he should do to earn back my trust. Of course he never even asked. The minimum he could do was “The Grand Gesture”. It’s just a gesture.
Again, it didn’t happen.
I didn’t even deserve a gesture. Whatever happened to us is not even worthy of a gesture. Not even a gesture. I’ve filled my head with questions about love and life and self worth; Been searching for answers, validation and solace. Always ending up tired and restless.
Sometimes I stop dead on my tracks. Minsan kasi may ‘small triggers’ ng strong memories. I have to make the conscious effort to not think about it and go back to what I was doing. It doesn’t happen that often as before but, it still gets me every now and then. Most love songs used to trigger these events before nung bagong break pa lang kami. Everything in my room reminds me of those happy days. Stuff toys, masquerade mask, toys, clothes, shoes, bags, food, soap, taking showers, using shampoo, sleeping, books, movies, tickets, accessories, chocolates, fruit juice, dessert, La Union, Angeles, SBMA, Boracay, certain dates on the calendar, some dates of the week, times of days, watching movies, lahat yata. Everything felt like an emotional landmine ready to blow me in to pieces. It doesn’t happen that often anymore. Dati 24/7, ngayon super minsan na lang. Siguro pag bilog lang ang buwan. Favorite namin kasi ang bilog na buwan.
I hate myself for not being able to follow my own advice and just move on. Just move on. It’s that simple. The bottom line is to just move on. No matter what you are going through right now, it boils down to ‘just move on’.
How?
How?
How?
Fortunately, I’ve got my wonderful friends, my family, my job and my incredible good looks to fall back to. Hahahahahaha!!!!
Seriously, in these times I always go back to my principles. Life is a journey to become more ‘Stable’. Being Stable in all aspects. Emotional Stability, Financial Stability, Spiritual Stability, Street Smarts, Good IQ, Good looks, Pink of Health.
I DON’T PRAY FOR AN EASY LIFE BUT TO BE A STRONG PERSON. I wish to risk the known for the unknown. I always respect myself, respect my own inner voice and follow it. I know that nothing in this world is secure. Nothing can be secure, because a secure life will be worse than death. I know nothing in this world is certain, and learned to expect nothing. This has made me a happy person. Life is full of uncertainties, full of surprises – that is its beauty! Life goes on moving with a thousand and one uncertainties. That is FREEDOM.
These together with friends, family, and faith will steer me out in the clear:)
April 7th, 2010 at 02:15
dear dean
i like you. i hope you like me too.
but when you asked me if she was getting married, and i said yes she is getting married. i should have said, “too bad you werent the one who got her pregnant”
kat
April 7th, 2010 at 04:03
Dear Whatsurface,
I don’t know who indoctrinated you but YOU are not God’s gift to women. Liking you for the past couple of months made me realize that the only interesting about you is your unibrow. Right now it doesn’t make sense to me why I got attracted to you in the first place.
You walk around like you were someone high and mighty, won’t even stop to say ‘hi’, chatting with all your cool friends. Well honey, you are as irrelevant as my appendix.
Kindly avoid crossing paths with me because I don’t want to ruin my entire day seeing that ridiculously ugly face of yours only your mother can love. I didn’t get the chance to get you to know you better but I doubt that you have a smashing personality—more like a rock.
Lastly, you can shove all these unrequited feelings I have for you right up your behind because I’m busy and important, and have no time pining for a sick loser like you.
One day, you will regret not knowing me.
Tata!
Me :)
April 7th, 2010 at 06:08
You said you were going home to Quezon.
I told you to call me as soon as you’re there just to make sure you arrived safely.
1 day after…. 2 days after.
I texted “ you home yet?”
No reply.
I shrugged it off. Maybe you’re busy. Maybe the signal is weak.
3 days after. I debated myself if I should call you.
I don’t want you to think I’m too clingy.
That I don’t trust you.
I DO [ I DID]
I called anyway. The phone rang. Once.twice.Numerous times.
No answer.
I know you will return my call as soon as you see you have a missed call coming from me.
4 days after.
No text.No call.
I waited.
5 days after.you came back. I was angry (of course).
You apologized. You said you were out most of the time and you didn’t have your phone with you.
I thought of a million ways to destroy your excuse. But you were home and you came back.
I was happy.
I was contended.
1 month after. It was almost midnight. I opened the door and saw you leaning on the doorframe – drunk and tearful.
You told me you love me. But loving me while your conscience gnaws you slowly is impossible.
And so you told me.
Those days when you were supposed to be in Quezon, you were actually in Baguio.
With HER. While I was calling all those time, you were actually in bed with her, and you have to put the phone under the mattress so as to suppress the ringing noise.
You told me you plan on telling me, hoping that I would throw a fit when you come back and you will have an excuse to have a fight and then you would tell me everything so you would feel less guilty and it’s my fault anyway.
You cursed me for not being angry at all. You yelled at me why I didn’t ask where you were all those time. You grabbed me and shook me hard as you ask me over and over why I didn’t ask anything. You said you can’t bear seeing me so happy when you came back. Not after what you did.
i did not say anything. i took a step back closed the door as i saw you slumped on the floor crying like a lost child.
I slumped on the floor with my back against the door. I did not cry. Not that night anyway.
April 7th, 2010 at 09:10
D,
The way of regret is to know of things belatedly. My reading today (Amy Bloom’s “Sleepwalking”) yielded as much. Published seventeen years ago, it reads like a summary of my life: “Most nights, after I have gone to bed, I find myself in the living room or standing on the porch in the cold night air.” And whereas another Bloom story (“Love is Not a Pie”) of eighteen years ago is something that would have saved me from running around feeling as if my own ribcage were half-empty, I am again too late.
I can still see you now as you were yesterday, standing like a story about to be told, where I am in this recurring porch of the cold night air, of this earliest biography, of the not-yet-awake heart. And I remember being delirious, like wound not yet ready to be cured.
M.
April 7th, 2010 at 09:23
Dear Dr. X,
Your idea of a date was a cheap, sleazy motel after lunch in that bulaluhan in QC. You had me lie to my parents, commute through SLEX and EDSA every week (sometimes twice) for a year and one time, I had to wait for you to finish surgery for 6 hours. You stole stuff from your co-workers that you tried to have me sell to my relatives. You had me lose weight down to 89 lbs.
You were my first boyfriend and I was a fool to believe that was a normal relationship.
I forgave you when you got married two months after you broke me.
I forgave you when you lied about the circumstances of said marriage.
I found that I can’t be normal around boys anymore, but that’s okay.
But still calling me? Talking about your kids? Asking for a booty call?
The only reason I take your call is because I fear you’re going to tell me you’re HIV positive and I’d have to get tested. And since you’re not (yet)…
I hope you’d get Syphilis and die.
xoxo,
Baby
PS: Your gun? Compensation for your small dick and everyone knows it.
PPS: I faked it every single time.
April 7th, 2010 at 09:35
Dear Tin,
You know what I hated the most, about you rejecting me: I tried my darndest best for you to like me, I showed my good side I ‘m too afraid to show any body. When you rejected me, I felt that my good side wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good for anyone.
I tried to be fun, I was fun. You said you like me, you like my attitude. And then, you said, you’re not ready for another boyfriend. About four months later, I heard you effin hooked up with an older man. Maybe, it was his car. Maybe, because the May-December affair appeals to your rebellious streak. or maybe you needed a sugar daddy.
But thank God for “(500) Days of Summer”. I wanted to write something like that. “Especially you [TIN]. BITCH.”
Thank God, when I took a shower today, I realized I’m already okay. That I’m likeable, that I was good enough for somebody. But don’t you expect any “hi” or “hello” from me, you can try your darndest to seduce me, and I like to see you fail. BITCH.
April 7th, 2010 at 10:09
Kelly,
I’m sorry I left you, although I don’t regret doing so. I would’ve left you sooner, but you were dynamite in bed. To this day, you’re still unmatched. That pretty much demonstrates how terrible of a control freak you were: I was willing to give up the best sex of my life just so I can get away from you.
But maybe it wasn’t your dictatorial nature that pushed me away so much as your intense devotion. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t understand why anyone would be that much in love with me. For someone who hates himself so much, it didn’t make any sense whatsoever. Anyone who can love me that much must be a freak. That’s the only explanation.
I left you so I can be myself again. And now, years later, I am left swimming in the essence of who I am: free and alone.
Mission: accomplished.
April 7th, 2010 at 11:25
miguelito
im so glad that you are married.
i didnt tell you i was going away
i wanted something different than what you were offering
we will probably never see each other again.
i find comfort in the thought that i will be much happier than you ever will be.
nina
April 7th, 2010 at 11:39
Exes are fun!
3/6 – Though I was pretty pissed when it happened, the time you didn’t show up for our date only to reappear 2 years later because, apparently, that was the night your uncles decided to do an intervention and send you to rehab? It always makes a good story to tell my friends. I hope you’re sober, wherever you are, and doing great.
2/6 – It’s fun flirting with you via chat. Mas cute ka sana ngayon kaya lang hip hop ka pa rin.
6/6 – I felt sorry when I found out that you owe money to a mutual acquaintaince, but still kind of vindicated, since your social climbing family treated me badly back in the day. Tell your sister that I’d happily shove my payslip down her nose any day. Bilhin ko kaluluwa niyo e.
April 7th, 2010 at 12:10
I still don’t understand why you chose the plain doctor with the dull personality over me.
Was it because she had more money?
If so, then you deserve to spawn insipid children who will
undoubtedly take after their mother.
April 7th, 2010 at 13:29
Malalim ang sugat na iniwan nang naudlot na pag-ibig. Hindi sapat ang dalawang dekada para kalimutan kita. Pinaglaruan tayo ng tadhana – ipinagdamot niya ang pagkakataong matikman mo ang tunay kong diwa. At dahil mura sa karanasan – naiwan akong ubos at talunan.
Hindi madaling bumangon mula sa pagsuko sa iyo. Mula noon – di na tumigil ang pakikibaka ko kay kapalaran. Bawat tuwa at saya na tinamasa – pakiramdam ko’y dagling babawiin at panandalian lamang.
Nang umibig muli, sabay dumungaw ang naninibughong tadhana. Mapait pa sa dila ang alaala ng kawalan. Ngunit salamat sa iyo – nakilala ko ang tunay kong laban. Salamat sa iyo – natutong saklubin ang karapatang lumigaya. Sa pagkakataong ito ako ang nagbunyi.
Kaunti pang panahon…maghihilom din ang sugat.
April 7th, 2010 at 13:30
Hi Mr. J,
I am sorry for denying our relationship when a friend of yours inquired about us, in front of you. I didn’t expect that you’d take it so hard. I never thought that it will disorient you and hurt you so bad.
Many years ago, when I first ended our relationship, you refused to see and talk to any of our friends. You were hurting. It wasn’t easy for me too. But we both got over it. Although it took us several years before we could even muster the courage to see each other again. In the meantime, you got married and had a bouncy baby boy. I got stuck with being single. I hopped from one relationship to another like I were changing pants.
We became friends again, and talked about our past relationships with other people. And then we decided to start a tradition- that we see each other during the Moon Cake festival every year, because it was over a moon cake that we first fell in love. And then we decided to pick up the pieces where we left off and be a couple once again, thinking that we’re in love with each other for the second time.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the same. Although we’ve both become very good in bed, the giddiness and the excitement that we associate with being in love were no longer there. Whereas before, I’d feel a stabbing pain every time I catch you looking at other guys, now I feel nothing. No jealousy whatsoever. I do not crave for your company like I once did. I no longer imagine myself waking up beside you, with your big arms embracing my body and your crotch pressed firmly against my thigh. I cannot explain it. Maybe Cupid just got tired and had enough of us, he decided to point his arrow somewhere else.
They say love is supposed to be sweeter the second time around. That’s not true at all. It’s just that the feeling is gone, and I can’t do anything about it.
Again, I’m so sorry for that sudden revelation. Although I was willing to give our relationship another try, the truth is that I have ceased loving you a long time ago.
Mr. R
April 7th, 2010 at 13:47
Cher Eric,
Salut! Comment ca va? J’espere que tu vas bien.
I’ve been Googling your name for the past ten years, but my efforts have led me only to your countless namesakes scattered all over France. At one point, I even called the French Embassy in Makati to ask for some valuable information that would lead me to your whereabouts. But the nice lady on the other end of the line said that your name was not on their database anymore. It was frustrating to say the least.
Seventeen years have already passed since I last enrolled in your French class. But I still hold you dear in my heart. I’ve often wondered what happened to you after you left the Philippines to join the Peace Corps (unfortunately, you are not on Facebook). Did I ever tell you that you were the sole reason I tried hard to master those damn French conjugations? Oui, c’est vrai!
It broke my heart when I learned from a classmate that you fell in love with one of my classmates. The day I heard this sad, sad news from another classmate, I wept secretly while aboard a bus on the way home. It was pure torture to go to class since then.
I hope you are well as you read this letter. Wherever you are and whoever you are with right now, I hope you’re happy. You deserve it.
Je t’aime.
J.
P.S. Hope you still have the F. Sionil book collection we gave you as a farewell present.
April 7th, 2010 at 15:39
Dear C,
I shouldn’t be doing this, but there’s a lump in my throat that I need to get rid of, otherwise, I’ll choke. Okay, well, that isn’t really a good metaphor to use. The truth is, I don’t even know what to say. I have tried to ignore this weird feeling but it’s like a rash that keeps me itchy all over. Don’t get me wrong, you’re definitely not a pollutant. You’re simply a cuddly cute little puppy and I’m asthmatic. Another bad metaphor. Sorry.
I’m very well aware that we’re friends. Close friends. We’re bread and butter. Fork and spoon. Dinuguan and puto. Inseparable. Yet, you can actually eat bread without butter, or spoon without fork and dinuguan just does fine without puto. I’m sure you’re getting my drift, C. I mean, you’re too smart to miss my point. And my point is, I have lived my life just fine with you miles away from me. I bet my bottom dollar that you did too. True, I was really sad when you left but I didn’t sulk nor wallow in misery like a broken-hearted loser. We were always together, you and me, going to places and events that we both loved. As friends. Just friends. You always laughed when I cracked jokes, however stupid they were. You always listened to my sentiments and you always had your advice ready to calm my senses. When I was with you, I felt very comfortable. You were a friend I never had. Am I getting too melodramatic?
Maybe, I am. But right now, I think I hate you, C. Because you chose to break my heart. Yeah, that line sounds really familiar. But I don’t think you’ve seen the movie. Since you’re not even here when it was shown. I could give you a copy though so you and him can watch it together alone once you get back in Malaysia. You can turn your place or his into a cozy haven of lovers, spread some rose petals on the floor, light up some scented candles. Whatever. He won’t watch it anyway since he doesn’t understand Filipino. He’ll just watch you lovingly while you’re all kilig with the movie.
I am not bitter, C. I just hate you. Ask me why, and I will not tell you. Why? Because I hate you. People who hate other people don’t tell why they hate them. They just do. It isn’t fair, I know so I’ll tell you why. You can laugh now, C, because it’s stupid. This thing I’m doing is. I myself admit this jealousy is pathetic. Did I just say I’m green? I never had feelings for you, C. Yet when you told me that you’ve got a boyfriend, I felt like a child whose favorite toy has been taken away from him, unsure and afraid if he’d ever get it again.
R
April 7th, 2010 at 16:17
Gentlemen,
Fine, I confess. It was sex. It always was. With all of you, with all the nameless ones in between, and back again, I liked the way you fucked me. Never mind the conversations, I get that from my girlfriends. None of you held up in that department anyway; holding forth on politics and social issues, trying to impress me with your retinue of lackeys, pretending to a culture you’d only ever smelled as it passed you by– you were all pathetic and I despised you. Your egos were too big even for the suites we used. The quickest way to shut you up was to blow you.
I stroked your vanity just as well as I stroked your hard-on, and you lapped up every single moment. The slightest touch of my tongue fried your brain and I owned you– love slave, at my beck and call. You thought I was enthralled. Please. I just like to fuck.
Who says loving and leaving is a man’s prerogative? Women are more than capable of being vicious users. Wake up and smell the brave new world of Cosmo.
So the next time some pretty, young thing bats her eyelashes at you and breathlessly asks what you think, get a grip boy. She’s not after your bank account, she just wants your dick.
Thanks for the memories, and let’s stay friends.
Cheers!
X
April 7th, 2010 at 18:27
Hey,
I was an easy target, that much I can admit. I was a stupid sixteen-year-old with classic daddy issues and you were 20, and between us was a shitload of experience that gave you the upperhand.
But I caught up and I can now run in circles around you, and given the chance I will look you in the eye and say, point-blank, that you will never be good enough and I don’t know why I ever thought otherwise–must’ve been the influence of all the Sweet Valley books I read (should’ve stuck to Nancy Drew instead). Thank you for walking out of my life. I, without guilt, enjoy seeing you fuck up yours.
And while the 16-year-old me was obessed with making myself the kind of girl you will remember fondly for the rest of your miserable existence, that’s not the case anymore. It used to bother me that I was just another sorry girl you screwed over. Hi J, I no longer give a fuck.
And I’m infinitely grateful that it’s not me who has to deal with the fact that you like to stick your dick into any hole that comes within sight, and that you got a girl pregnant–all behind your girlfriend’s back.
April 7th, 2010 at 21:51
L,
Thank you for the ten years. You really were my Holden.
C
April 7th, 2010 at 21:55
From my friend J to her ex…
dear ex,
how are ya? i know your not fine…coz im already out of your life…hows your mom and dad??are the they still nagging at you , coz you choose your miss nobody neighbor??? and how about your gf”? i admit i loved you but right now i am sooo moved on….i can laugh at my self right now whenever i looked back on what i did just to have you back….i am not good at being a bad girl… in fact I want to thank you for not choosing me at all, it made me realize that you are not really for me..at the age of 27 , you are a certified mama’s boy and still jobless , you are a social climber who always want to be at the top of all social gatherings, your life doesn’t have a direction, I still can remember what you had told your aunt when you were asked why our relationship ended ” kasi po sha yung nagdadala sa relasyon namen” duh??? buti na lang im smart when I said na ” eh kasi po kapag sha nagdala ng relasyon namen wala po kame patutunguhan” LOL. another stupid explanation na di ko talaga malilimutan is sabi mo hindi ka two timer …and after two days na pumayag ako makipagbreak eh kayu na ng kapitbahay mo…so anu gusto mo palabasin 2 days kayu nagligawan???anyways i miss you ( ewwww) hahaha…by the way kumusta? tumatakas ka pa din ba at the age of 27 just to be with your girlfriend??? na kapitbahay mo lang ..napakilala mo na ba sha ??…the last time ang kwento sa akin is di daw sha matangap ng pamilya mo…and oh by the way natatangap ko namn ung mga text messages mo eh na sabi mo magkita tayu..and sbi mo pa hinding hindi mo sisirain ang tiwala ng bago mong gf ..eh since mejo di ka matalino di mo naisip na the fact that you are texting me and asking me for a date was just a proof that you are a very unfaithful man….tsk tsk…siguro kaya lang ako nag iinsist na maging ok tayu dati is dahil malaki na puhunan ko…luging lugi ako sayu wala ako tinubo ..pero that’s ok at least hindi habambuhay ako malulugi…hahaha…
p.s. sorry i was not able to reply on you text message last time …im super busy..and wala ako mapapahiram sayu na pera…and your facebook account i still have access to it …kasi di ka nga pala marunong mag change ng password..hehehe
PS
Your cousin and your cousin’s friend, and my former friend, I never knew they can be that hell of a bitch!
April 7th, 2010 at 22:01
You,
Glad you’re out of my life. Glad you fucked up. I detest you. You’re a FRAUD. Quit calling yourself “a prolific writer” or “a gifted poet” whatever blah blah blah. PLEASE. You’re mediocre at best. Your writing. Your music. Your looks. Your personality. Your life. MEDIOCRE and BORING. ZZZzzzzzz.
Me
April 7th, 2010 at 22:07
Hey sep27,
Sorry i won’t be attending your wedding. To see you promise another the love you promised me once would break my heart all over again. To see how happy you are will make me wish that it was me in that white dress, the reason why you are happy.
I do hope that you have fun on your wedding and I do pray that your marriage be blessed.
You both will make each other very happy, this I know since the night I introduced you to each other. You get her and she gets you and I know that she loves you as much as I once did.
Please pass my apologies to your bride. We were close once, but since you guys became a couple, I have kept my distance. I know she’ll understand.
Thanks for inviting me, and I hope that you and your wife would come when it comes my turn to invite.
your friend,
nov23
April 7th, 2010 at 22:39
My Dearest G,
I miss you. Let me know when you’re in town. Maybe we can hang out, enjoy a few drinks, have fun…
Oh are you still, uhm, kinda cuckoo?
C
April 8th, 2010 at 03:03
Dear A.,
I’m kind of frazzled now juggling home stuff, work stuff, and kid stuff because my nanny took a sabbatical that I couldn’t afford and my mother went on a road trip, and then we got this assignment for the LitWit Challenge.
So I decided to look you up in Facebook to speed things up, and holy crap. I want five years, two months and twenty-one days of my life back.
Love,
A.
April 8th, 2010 at 05:07
Hi E,
This classic movie line will accurately describe what I feel for you:
“Mayaman ka na at very successful pa. Lahat ng bagay kaya mong bilhin ng ‘yong pera. Pero sad to say, walang nagmamahal sa’yo…”
(Nakagapos na Puso, 1986)
And I’m sure you would’ve replied with the same intensity:
Kahit anong bihis ang gawin mo, lumalabas pa rin ang pagka-asal basura mo! Hindi ako nagtatakang naka-buntis ka ng basurang kagaya mo!
(Tayong Dalawa, 1992)
April 8th, 2010 at 10:59
dear you,
i let go of you because wanting you happy had always been more important than just wanting you. and i know i made the right decision when you told me that you enjoy learning how to be a good househusband.
love, me
April 8th, 2010 at 11:36
I haven’t realized that I’ve got a crapload of emotions to tell all my exes the following (well, not really all, the others I don’t even know their real names).
So this is part deux, to my exes (part 1 was reply # 3 in this post) :
To R: I am really sorry that I told you I’ll be staying in China for good. It was just a quick business trip for me, but to you it may seem like 3 years of my absence. I was overly immature to break it up that moment that I used the “long distance” get out of jail free card.
To B: I always knew that you wouldn’t feel for me the way I feel for you. I am so glad that we never consummated whatever relationship we had, at least we’re still friends now. I received the Japanese cookbook you sent me last week (thanks) and I hope you enjoyed The Killers DVD I sent you. I know – you’re the R&B kind of guy, but “somebody told me… that you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year …” and I associated the music with you (fast forward to Chapter 4 of the DVD please).
To H: I stopped bugging you to return that Alanis Morissette CD “because the love that you gave that we made wasn’t able to make it enough for you to be open wide”. So please stop asking me for your Fiona Apple CD back, you Criminal!
To F: I thought I needed closure. But I guess the VD tests were enough. I am very happy not to get anything from you, even if I lost a lot of investment to you. I’m just happy I’m very disease-free. If you’re still the way you were when we were together, please get tested. For your sake.
To G: My apologies for not attending your wedding. I was really swamped with work and the date coincided with our product launch that I can’t leave behind. Thank you for thinking of me when you asked me to read the gospel in your wedding. At least I knew whatever we had meant something. I still owe you a wedding gift. See you in June?
April 8th, 2010 at 15:52
I haven’t really thought about you until I visited Jessica Zafra’s blog and got amused by the LitWit challenge. Well, I don’t really have despicable things to say about you, just the fact that you’re my ex is an insufferable wang wang on your character. But consider this — on your account I have a chance to be three books smarter. Not bad for a jerk. Oops, I thought I said you weren’t despicable.
P.S. I wanted to sound real clever while writing to you too. I wish I could say you remind me very much of George Harvey Bone because you wanted to kill me while loving me at the same time. But you’re no such thing, because I was never like Netta Longdon. AND you weren’t obsessively in love with me the way George Harvey Bone was. This means I’m just forcing the literary allusion at the moment just to prove I still read and try to keep my brain after our relationship ended.
April 8th, 2010 at 20:32
Dear You,
After 3 years of pestering me with winning lines, propositions of love, and being in cahoots with all of our Lit teachers, I thought why not. Senior year was meant to be awesome. Then after a month, I just can’t take it anymore.
Well, all I can say is I’m sorry – I didn’t really love you.
One thing for sure, it was a mistake. The friendship for 9 years were put to waste, I can’t even talk to you the way we used to. And being part of the same group, it was awkward at some point. When they asked me why and when they were trying to patch things up, I really didn’t know what to do, because I think I have ADHD so that one month was the longest I can.
It’s not you, it’s me. I just didn’t like you that much.
Always,
Me
April 9th, 2010 at 00:47
Dear Psycho
Remember that time when i kept calling you and texting you and you kept ignoring my calls and text and when you finally did answer, you had the nerve to get mad at me because you were “working” and “mataray” ang amo mo.. when the truth of it was that you were busy courting the whore from Belgium who eventually gave you (and me… DAMN YOU!!) STD??? That was in late June, 2 months after we got “married”.
Remember when my dad was dying and you were nowhere to be found .. when all the while you were at Villa Escudero with your whore… you took her AND her family to one of the places where we had really happy memories… yeah dont deny it.. i have a picture of you and them on board the kalabaw kalesa. Remember the day my dad died… when your whole family covered up for you and said you couldn’t be reached because you were out of town for a gig (Hell is waiting for your entire clan) … when you were just really with her at her condo in Ortigas and she hijacked your phone so you couldnt answer it? Remember when you finally called me, while I was at my dad’s viewing, to tell me some bullshit story about how you couldnt call any sooner because you were in a life-or-death-situation when all the while you were just busy running errands for her and babysitting her kids?? Remember when i called you and some girl answered your cell phone.. the cell phone I gave you… ooh.. you had no excuse for that one.. and my heart shattered and i couldn’t breathe? Remember when you called me and told me not to call you again? That was in July.
Remember when you called me and told me you still loved me and she meant nothing and that i was the only one you ever loved… all the while she was forwarding me text messages from you telling her “ikaw lang talaga ang mahal ko… you’re my one and only…I’m only talking to her since her family is coming home, ayoko nang gulo, pero tatapusin ko na to pag alis nila”. That was in October.
Fast forward,… everything was a blessing in disguise. I’m glad you had our marriage certificate pulled from city hall… so i dont have to waste time and money getting annulled from your sorry ass!!! Oh, and sorry to hear that your whore got an abortion… one of many before this one … and deprived you of a child.. oh wait!! you already have one!! the one you and your family never told me about despite being with me for over 5 years!! Sorry to hear your life sucks… yeah, I’m being sarcastic… I’m not sorry… karma is a big, bad, bitch!! Get your chlamydia treated… or not… its your STD, do with it as you wish.
I’ve moved on. Stop calling me. Stop telling me you love me. Stop stalking my friends just to get to me. Breaking my heart was the best thing you could have done for me… my mom was right about you!! Get a life.. LOSER!!
PS – Dont call me. I dont have money to lend you.
April 9th, 2010 at 02:24
B,
You shut me out in an instant when someone told you that I was crazy for you even if we weren’t even together-together yet. I should’ve known that intelligence is something that you clearly lack the moment you asked me to help you with your lesson in sampling methods that you just couldn’t understand. Just for the record, I wasn’t head-over-heels-madly-in-love with you. Whoever told you that I was already choosing fonts for our wedding invitations is crazy. Too bad that your pea-sized brain chose to believe.
I was fond of you, yes. But in love? Hell, no.
I enjoyed your company and your wicked punchlines. I liked hearing your voice. Our conversations that lasted for hours made me feel alive. Your sweet remarks and the insane level of your thoughtfulness made me appreciate you and almost everything about you. Thanks BTW. Your presence in my life (then) meant a lot, because you were that person who always knew how to make me smile. But that’s just it for me–I had a really nice time flirting with you and I’m pretty sure that you enjoyed flirting back too. You wouldn’t call me at 2AM just to make sure that you wished me good night before I signed out from Yahoo! Messenger at 11PM if you didn’t.
So there, just so you’d know, I was never in love with you. It’s true that I had four bottles of beer after hearing that I scared the shit out of you by being nice–I turned to beer not because I was heart-broken because I drove the man of my dreams away. Dude, you asked other people to tell me that you’re not ready for a serious relationship yet. I’ve never felt that humiliated before–someone told you that I was desperately stalking you and even if you know for a fact that I’m not, you made sure that other people knew all about it. You made everything even worse when you sent a messenger to let me know that you’re going to back off for a while because you’re not really thrilled to share a future with me. Hell. I’m not ready to share a future with you either–and oh, wait for it, I don’t want to share the rest of my life with you to start with. It took me four bottles of Heineken to dissolve all the bullshit related to you–and that’s it. It’s over. I’m over it, I moved on.
Had I been madly in love with you, I wouldn’t even turn to beer to numb the pain of my miserable life. I would’ve fought for my feelings. Had they existed. Good thing they never did.
Before I forget, would you be such a dear and do me a little favor? Please let your girlfriend know about this letter so she can dismiss all her fantasies of me trying to woo you with sweet nothings, chocolates and prepaid cards. You know how good I am with scheming whenever I’m made aware of the fact that I have to work for the things that I want to get. Prepaid cards and chocolates aren’t really my thing, sorry. Please tell her to stop sending me messages. And please tell her to review on subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. My third-grade students’ writing is better than hers.
So there. I hope that your ego can take all of this. OMG. I’m sorry for being soooo insensitive–I should be worried about your brain. I should’ve used drawings and three-letter words for this letter. I completely forgot that you have helium for brains. (And peas for balls.)
Good luck!
D
PS: When I learned that you already have a girlfriend, I felt really happy for you. I thought, “Good thing he found love.” You know what? When I saw your pictures together, I knew that I really have no other sentiment for you but joy because you didn’t only find love–you found true love. Kung hindi pa true love yan, ewan ko na lang kung ano na yan. Yung girlfriend mo siguro pag sinabi nyang magpapa-relaxing foot treatment sya, mukha nya yung nililinis sa spa no? Just sayin’. :)
April 9th, 2010 at 08:39
Dear heinous one:
When I heard that you were telling people that I was the best you’ve ever had… I laughed. And laughed some more.
Because we all know the truth: I was the only one you’ve ever had, and the rest of them – yes, even the ones you told me about – were actually products of your imagination, designed to convince yourself of the masculinity that you always asserted with me.
Yes, I’ve forgiven you. Yes, I don’t hate you as much as I did on the day we broke up. But do I want to see you again, at all? Hell, no.
I do hope that your porn collection is still keeping you warm at night, though.
April 9th, 2010 at 13:01
to my dear ugly one,
After so many years of friendship, why the hell did you dumped me? Just because I said that you are getting old (is hitting middle age a problem?). Just because I teased you about your receding hairline?. Just because joining a social network and everyone thought you are gay with that picture of yours? Stop wearing those stupid clingy shirts, it does make you look gay. Just because your wife and your ex-girlfriend dumped you with another man? You, yourself admitted that you are very bad in bed (how can any man be really that bad in bed anyway?). Or maybe you are gay and just in denial? I have apologized for so many times and still you won’t forgive me. Just because you thought I met a man on line that you will be just “nothing” to me. I don’t care if we never have sex. I don’t care if you find another girl (I’m pretty sure that girl will dump you again). I just want you back. I guess I am insane. But I don’t care. My life wouldn’t be as complete without your sorry ass hanging around mine. I just wish that book and that idiotic religion would make you feel as complete as you are right now, which again… I so doubt it.
The insane and another ugly one.
April 10th, 2010 at 14:10
XX
I don’t really have anything to say, I don’t remember much. Except that it was over when it was over, and that you could have possibly been a fraud, or maybe my memory exaggerates and you were just the usual liar-cheat, and I was just too self-absorbed/naive to take note?
At least I get to write something for this kind of contest –the use of X!
April 10th, 2010 at 19:24
Ex,
Here’s to the fall of star-crossed dream-robber.
I knew all along that what has been is just that, a thing of the past. And futility has always been with me in my efforts to bring it back. I have always been able to come out of anything with anger. I get angry, I stay away. But with you, I can never get angry – at least, angry to the point of throwing all those that we’ve had. You said that you’ll try to conquer the distance, and because I’m gullible when I’m dealing with you, I believed it. All I wanted was to feel that you’re giving your efforts as well. But I can’t. Like you care anyway. I sometimes believe that it was all orchestrated, and sooner or later, you will have to claim your academy awards trophy. But most of the time, I believe that everything was real. Well, I guess it was. For a moment.
You know I needed you more than you needed me but you were way too coward and stupid and egoistic. You took our love no more than your computer game. You fought for it in the least possible way while you let everything pass for a bet on WarCraft. That we be damned was not of a worry to you. Now, here we are, cold and contained in two separate isolated worlds; damned by a love we once deemed important, trashed by hurt that broke us apart.
We began empty handed and ended that way still, more so, broken, with the passion of waiting for tomorrow dead. Only that you were never wholly mine. Only that I was a mere refuge to your trampled ego, a pride for the best of of your younger times.
You said that it will be ‘until the bitter end’. This must be it. The bitter end that you’ve foreseen. I hate doing this, but I’m glad that once and for all, its over.
It’s Easter Sunday, and a new life awaits.
So long.
-Ex-
April 10th, 2010 at 19:41
Dear Lotlot,
You dancing the Street Beat in your school fair was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. You had me at “foot out the door”. When you became my first girlfriend on May 27 1985, I vowed that you will be my last–I could not imagine thant anyone could be more beautiful and captivating as you.
I felt proud when you introduced me to your parents. More so when your dad pulled me aside and said “I trust you boy. No hanky panky”. Like a soldier I vowed to follow that order. ‘Yes sir. No Hanky-panky”.
For the next the two years I held my ground and reined in my hormones. Holding your hands was as far as I went; smelling your hair would have been borderline hanky-panky. I was a very good boy.
That’s why I couldn’t understand why you dumped me for my friend who is 5 years older than us, a drop-out who stole money from his mother for cigarettes and gin. And when you got pregnant after only two months, I laughed and cried so hard it left a permanent furrow on my forehead.
I was able to move on. I married, had kids, moved up in life. But I still looked for you everyday. I searched for you in Friendster and Facebook. I googled you. I looked for you in songs, in movies, in french fries and sundaes. I ached for common friends to mention your name. Until one actually did, and that’s to say that you had died.
Had I known you needed kidneys, I would have given you mine. Had I known you needed money for transplant, I would have moved heaven and earth to raise the funds. Had I known you asked for me once, I would have run.
Sorry that I didn’t find you in time
Sorry that I was too proud to fight for you then.
Sorry that because of me you met my friend, who couldn’t give you a decent life.
Always,
Monching
April 10th, 2010 at 21:08
I loved you.
Even though you have a daughter…
and I later found out you have two.
Even though you have a wife…
and you told me you were annulled.
Though soon I realized you were really not.
Even though you dreamed of us having kids together…
but failed to include our marriage in your plans.
I tried to move on,
yet it was really hard after three years of being with you.
I have kept all the pain…
so I just cried silently most nights.
Another man came into my life…
and gave me the attention and time I have been longing for.
That was my time to break free…
or I will never know if I will still get the family I deserve.
I chose him… and now I love him.
I know you were hurt.
I know you love me…
But I’m afraid I still love you too.
April 11th, 2010 at 10:08
Ahahaha, scandals. Love it!
April 24th, 2010 at 20:04
(object of affection)
Dear dam,
remember how you were my first kiss last year on a drinking session in a friend’s house? it was weeks after i got over that.
yeah. and after much investigating, i am 100% sure you’re a bisexual. I read messages in your “lovers” phone to the likes of “Do you want my dog to eat your pussy?”. Dude, sorry to say this but you both have dogs.
i don’t know which is worse, having a bisexual as your first kiss or still liking him after knowing…
April 29th, 2010 at 19:02
I know this challenge has been closed a long time ago, but couldn’t resist the urge to write my piece.
To my Lady,
I could have married you. Honest. But you were so goddam scared, confused and baffling. I think you’re a sadist. Honest.
You made me believe you were interested, and I got hooked. I travelled thousand miles to give you the ring but you played your game of peekaboo.
I was right there. I gave a gift, you ignored. I was just a phone call away.
Then Nature played a trick on us. Then a ghost from the past re-appeared.
Now I still wonder what it would have been like if the two of us just made it happen.
July 28th, 2010 at 13:07
can’t help but post…sorry guys….sorry Jessica
M,
I am glad you were just a part of my wedding jitters…
I would’nt want to spend my whole life with a “chickboy” like you…
K