Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column #27: BPO blues and expired friendships
Dear Auntie Janey,
I’ve been working in the BPO industry for the last 7 years. When I started out, I thought this would just be a 1-year thing while I figured out what to do with the rest of my life. Then things started happening in a good way, so I’ve stayed on and found stability with a very weird schedule. I have a good job that pays the bills, a happy family, and enough money to buy the things I could never have when I was a kid.
My problem is this: I have a long-time friend who always says the wrong things about my job. I don’t think she means to hurt me, but she’s so self-absorbed, she doesn’t think before blurting out her comments.
Here are just some examples: (Quote in parenthesis are the actual thoughts running through my head)
A) 2 months ago, she says, “Oh so you work in Company A. I always thought you worked in Company B.” (Ummm….I’ve been working in Company A for 4 years now and I’ve never ever set foot in the offices of Company B!)
B) “God, I would never hire people from schools other than University A!” (Ummm…. I’m not from University A. Plus, I’ve hired people from University C – Z and about 90% of them have done good work for me.)
C) “Eeuuwww…I would never go out with a guy working in the BPO industry! They’re not exactly of my caliber!” (Ummm… and dating strangers in bars is a better option?)
D) “If I ever work for a BPO, I’m not going to adjust my schedule to theirs. I’m a boss, they should adjust their schedule to my convenience!” (Okay…..but that’s not going to get you very far.)
To add salt to the wound, she introduces me to one of her friends who needed career advice and he dares ask me questions like, “Isn’t there a stigma associated with working in a BPO?” and “Isn’t there a distinction between a Corporation and BPO?” WTF?!!
I love my job because it gives me the things that I value: autonomy, flexibility, and independent thinking. I’ve been mentored by excellent managers and I’ve been sent to train in the best MBA schools for free! I travel abroad for conferences. This is more than I can say for a lot of dead-end traditional corporate jobs out there. That’s why I’m still amazed that a lot of people look down on BPOs.
I’ve been friends with this person since we were kids, but she’s changed so much in the last 3 years. I don’t know if I should keep trying to be her friend, or if I should just accept the fact that we’ve grown in different directions and move on with my life without her. She’s become like a relative I’m required to see at least once a year out of obligation. To be honest though, I have very few friends, so I’m afraid to lose another one. Should I just brush off her unenlightened comments about my work and pretend everything is okay? Do you think I should confront her with my real feelings? This is the first time I’m writing to a stranger for advice, but I’m curious to hear what you have to say about my situation.
Gertrude
Dear Gertrude,
“Isn’t there a distinction between a Corporation and BPO?”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
No one has the right to be a snob if one does not fully know what one is talking about.
It has recently come to my attention that whenever someone writes to me, events conspire so that I experience what the letter-writer is experiencing somehow—except for those letters mired in lust and promiscuity. The universe is stingy.
Last week, while I was mulling over this particular letter, I ran across someone I hadn’t seen in ten years. We had a tedious one-sided conversation (she kept blathering, I wasn’t paying much attention). Then she mentioned someone we know who’d graduated magna cum laude and made a career in the BPO industry. She snorted, “It’s in a BPO, diba? It’s not even a real corporate career” or something like that. My reply: “Well if he’s happy. It’s none of our business.”
I gave the snob a once-over and saw that she was not really doing well. There was just something about her demeanor and the way she wore her clothes that reeked of bitterness and frustration. Sure she got an MBA but this was after she could not make it past first year in the two law schools that she tried. She was glorious during our college years and graduated cum laude. After school her life went downhill. To cope with the bitterness and frustration, she decided to work on her snobbery. Sure, her job can be described as “corporate” but it won’t get her anywhere.
I had admired this person, but after a few minutes with her I realized that there was a vast gulf between us. I’m happy, she’s not. I should also mention that she tried to be snooty about my job as well and even went so far as to say that what I’m doing does not live up to what my profession ought to be. “It means nothing!” she said in a loud voice. I did not defend myself. What for? I know that she knows that I’m living the life she had envisioned for herself. She will gnash her teeth for the rest of her life.
Gertrude, and anyone who is reading this, if you are happy with what you are doing, keep doing it. Yes, it really hurts if the people you value belittle what you do. Do not let their words sink in. I am tempted to sing a Selena Gomez song, but I will not. You have no obligation to explain your life to anyone else. Your obligation is to live your life the best way you can. Being happy is all that matters.
The whole time I was being maligned by my bitter ex-friend, not once did I try to defend or explain myself. Why should I answer to someone who was obviously beneath me? The cockroach also said very insulting things to me in public which would have made me break down and cry if I were not fully confident about myself and my abilities. I was with somebody at the time and that somebody was the one who stood up for me and got enraged for me (Thank you. I know you are reading this). The harsh words never truly cut through me because I knew they were not true and that my life is great.
I think she expected me to shoot back and was intentionally trying to provoke me. I did something worse: I was indifferent. The Ruler of this Universe (Yes, I’m sucking up) once observed in one of Her Testaments entitled Bread and Milk (Kruh in Mleko): “This is not a filmmaker who invites a lukewarm response: bad reviews won’t kill him, but indifference would.”
She was no filmmaker but I knew that indifference would kill her. I made it a point not to ask about her life and for her contact details. She asked me to take her number and I replied, “My phones are buried deep inside my bag. I don’t feel like taking them out.” When we parted ways, I decided she no longer had any place in my life. I think she knew it too.
It is not my place to tell you whether you should or should not drop your friend.
One thing about me is that I have recently become ruthless in cutting people off from my life. There are just some people you outgrow. There used to be a lot of pretty little flowers in my garden, but as the years passed only a few of them have come into full bloom. The rest turned into weeds that sucked the nutrients out of my soil. I had to pull them out for they no longer served any purpose and had become harmful to me. My garden now is quite bare but the flowers that survive are lovely, strong and healthy. And there is enough room for me to plant vegetables.
On that botanical note, ciao!
Auntie Janey
The opinions expressed in Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column are those of the agony columnist alone and do not reflect the opinions of the owner and administrator of JessicaRulestheUniverse.com. As with all advice, follow at your own peril.
Would you like Auntie Janey to meddle in your life? Email agoniesforauntiejaney@gmail.com.
September 9th, 2011 at 12:57
i-unfriend na yan!
September 9th, 2011 at 13:20
Wow, Auntie Janey! What a fabulous piece of advice.
I myself have been ruthlessly maligned by so many jealous types throughout the years. Maswerte lang ako dahil maaga kong natutunan ang magkaroon ng radar sa mga talangka, at ang dedmahin sila.
Huwag na huwag mo silang papatulan because it’s very dangerous — one almost always becomes what one hates. Just live your life to the best and the fullest — that’s the best revenge of all. ;)
September 9th, 2011 at 19:35
Ay, noong isang araw lang ay may nakilala akong insekyorang hitad na minamaliit ang pagpasok ng kapatid ko sa isang international organization. Ang sarap batuhin ng baso, pero dedma na lang. Alam ko naman hanggang ngayon eh panay ang sabi niya ng, FML!
September 9th, 2011 at 19:59
helo gertrude. marami talagang ganyang langkwenta. dyan sila kumukuha nang lakas sa kaookray sa karir nang iba. ganito lang ang gagawin mo: habang nagkekwento, tumingin ka nang diretso sa mata. pag di mo kaya sa mata, tignan mo sa bridge ng ilong habang dumadakdak. wag mong titigilan sa pagkakatitig, biglang tatahimik yan at titimbangin ang mga pinagpupuputak nya, kitams. may tsansa pang mainsekyur at miyak pa sa harapan mo mayamaya, kitams. umuurong ang eggs o obaryo nang walang mga ibubuga pag tinitignan mo sa mata; sa negosasyon o sa kahit anong pag-uusap.
pero kung may ibubuga o sinasabi naman talaga, hayaan mo na lang. magpalibre ka na lang nang starbaks. yung pinakamahal na may dobleng dagdag ng coffee jelly.
September 9th, 2011 at 20:20
Haterrrssss to tha left!
These people should be left in the dumps for being insecure and envious of their friends’ successes.
Isa lang masasabi ko dito: “ANG INGGIT,NAKAKAPANGIT!”
September 9th, 2011 at 22:03
Oh, Gertrude, dear, idiots like that don’t deserve your time of day. She apparently understands nothing about the BPO industry – or worse, she understands it all too well and is envious at not being a part of it.
The fact remains that the average BPO employee earns approx. two times more than their counterparts in the same career level in most other industries, and it is – aside from a few other industries such as the OFW’s – one of the few that is keeping our economy afloat.
And as first world countries such as the USA continue to experience economic upheaval, companies therein will continue to find less expensive ways to keep themselves alive. More outsourcing will be the answer to that, and as a result, analysts project rapid growth in BPO (not just voice, but more especially non-voice) this decade.
The BPO world is full of graduates from UP, Ateneo, UST, La Salle, and other top schools. This shoots the notion that it is full of imbeciles. Mind you, being a UP slash Ateneo graduate, I can say outright that the industry is full of smart employees from other schools – some of them even better than we so-called “top graduates.”
The only real threat to BPO right now, in my own POV, is the continued improvement of the peso vs. the dollar. This is of course a good thing overall, but obviously if – theoretically speaking – the peso becomes equivalent to the dollar (yes, yes, it’s a long shot, but you never know), then there would be no point in outsourcing as the cost will be the same.
I guess that’s my long-winded way of saying: tell your friend to shut up, she’s probably earning nowhere near you are, and she’s probably as brainless as they come.
September 10th, 2011 at 00:07
Gertrude, take Auntie Janey’s advice: just cut off the insecure bitch from your life. Her loss, not yours. Why should you continue to put up with that? Unless you’re just masochistic and secretly likes the pain she inflicts =)
September 10th, 2011 at 01:13
“One thing about me is that I have recently become ruthless in cutting people off from my life. There are just some people you outgrow. There used to be a lot of pretty little flowers in my garden, but as the years passed only a few of them have come into full bloom. The rest turned into weeds that sucked the nutrients out of my soil. I had to pull them out for they no longer served any purpose and had become harmful to me. My garden now is quite bare but the flowers that survive are lovely, strong and healthy. And there is enough room for me to plant vegetables.”
I love that paragraph, Auntie Janey! Plus, The Buddha said, “Never lose sight of the fact that the world is always burning in the flames of impermanence. Seek your deliverance straight away…”
September 10th, 2011 at 11:35
walang gamot sa taong inggit.bow
September 10th, 2011 at 12:30
I’ve been in the industry for almost seven years years now, and I’ve heard much talk, undistilled, from such haters. Well…
Okani muchi watashi! At witchelles sha nakaka-abaruray, mader. Haves ng growth ditechiwang, very much confeerm na confeerm yaanchinabelles. Hanashi nay na sa mga insekyorang shulakey… nakaka-thunders! Mag-backstroke ka na lang sa okani mez.
Fo shizzle mah nizzle. Peace out yow.
September 10th, 2011 at 12:34
hayaan n lang sila, hinde nila alam ang kanilang sinasabi…
TY JZ
I’ve been in the BPO for 8 years :) and enjoying it…
September 10th, 2011 at 21:24
i’ve been to two BPOs and one government office, and there’s no question which office is trash. in that office, almost everyone was lazy, chismoso, and when push comes to shove, they point fingers at each other. also, a lot of higher-ups are quick to claim for themselves the good work you have done, hindi ka naman nirereward. God, i hated that place, and it was a good thing i left. on the other hand, the BPO offices were very efficient and they reward you handsomely for your good work.