We love The Hobbit: The Desolation of being two-thirds in and not knowing what the next Tolkien movie will be
It’s the time of year when we turn off the cynicism, loosen the protective armor of irony, regard strangers with something resembling affection, and wish peace and goodwill to all humans. We don’t mean the Christmas season, we mean the annual opening of a Tolkien adaptation directed by Peter Jackson. The tradition began in 2001 with The Fellowship of the Ring, and after a break of several years resumed last year with The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.
Jackson, who reprises his cameo in Bree from FOTR, has already answered the obvious question: How can you turn a children’s book half the length of Fellowship into a trilogy as long as the entire Lord of the Rings series? You expand, you develop minor bits, you throw in the back story of the characters and the history of Middle Earth from the LOTR appendices and The Silmarillion. (Is The Silmarillion going to be adapted for film? Can we buy our tickets now?)
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey was a fun ride capped by the brilliant Riddles in the Dark sequence with Bilbo (Martin Freeman) and Gollum (Andy Serkis, who is in the Desolation credits as Second Unit Director). Lots of chase scenes, tomfoolery, pratfalls and singing. Free of the burden of exposition, The Desolation of Smaug goes to a darker place. This is no longer an adventure to steal a dragon’s treasure; it is a quest to reconquer the lost homeland—Exodus to Erebor—and the exiled Dwarf King Thorin (Richard Armitage) is prepared to sacrifice his comrades to achieve his goal. There’s a chilling moment when Thorin urges Bilbo on to almost certain death.
Thorin is no grumpy-but-lovable Dwarf, and the Elves of Mirkwood are not as benign and noble as their cousins in Rivendell. Legolas (Orlando Bloom) has always been a badass, but here, his younger self has a bit of a mean streak. You’d be mean, too, if your father was Thranduil (Lee Pace), the arrogant, opportunistic, preening Dwarf-King who tells the lovely Elf Captain Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly) she is too lowborn for his son.
Meanwhile, Gandalf investigates the weird goings-on at Dol Guldur, and encounters a familiar foe. Well, familiar to those of us who saw the future first (But then Merlin in The Once and Future King explained that wizards live backwards). Was that an hommage to The Exorcist? Works for us. And we like the bits that connect The Hobbit to the LOTR movies: the medicinal properties of athelas, the behavior-altering properties of the precious, and so on.
We had many questions: Was Legolas in the book? (We haven’t read it in ages.) Was Thranduil so pretty and creepy? Was there a Dwarf-Elf attraction? (The Legolas, Kili (Aidan Turner) and Fili (Dan O’Gorman) love triangle you’ve been waiting for—kidding.) Were some of the Dwarves left in Dale? Was Sauron at Dol Guldur? Did Bard have a family and an ancestral failure to redeem? (Was Stephen Colbert in the book and are those his kids?) One of the strengths of The Hobbit movies is that they can veer away from the canonical Tolkien, and we don’t just keep our forked tongues between our teeth, we agree that the changes make for a more compelling movie.
Here’s a pressing question: Who’s the fairest? Is it Tauriel with her pronounced resemblance to Arwen, the lovely but creepy Thranduil, the more muscular Legolas, the intense Thorin, Bard the Bowman (Luke Evans) or Kili the hot dwarf?
And we haven’t even mentioned Smaug. Let’s discuss.
Rating: You call yourself a Tolkien fan and you haven’t seen it yet? Fly, you fools!
December 12th, 2013 at 12:42
Thank you, Peter Jackson, for bringing all the hot men together in this movie for Christmas (sans Hiddleston). Oh, and Thorin wins Hot Dwarf and Fairest, because Richard Armitage is Hot Everything.
I’ve seen lukewarm reviews going around, but nerds who saw it tell me that it was better than the first one. Will be watching this on the weekends, and a repeat with a group of fangirls.
December 12th, 2013 at 12:52
Your Grace, Legolas is not in the first book, but from what I read in other sources, they approve his appearance just the same, Your Grace.
December 12th, 2013 at 15:04
Watched this last night and definitely loved it more than the first movie ( and not just because of some dragon, eherm ). Legolas was definitely not in the book, nobody from the dwarf company was left behind in Laketown/ Dale, there was no mention of the Necromancer just an overall feeling impending darkness and it never explained where Gandalf went when he left them at the entrance of the forest. Radagast the Brown also was not included in The Hobbit book.Those are the things I remember or I’d have to review the book again? I have to keep reminding myself to read The Silmarillion.
Anyway, I did not notice how hot Kili was in The Hobbit until last night, whoa! I mean I’ve seen tumbler posts dedicated to the character before but I have not really cared so much. Thranduil, oh Lee Pace! Never thought he could look so pretty and so icily arrogant! That was perfect casting for the father of the original LOTR heartthrob, Legolas. Just not used to seeing Legolas all lovey dovey with anyone but Gimli, hee. I love seeing a warrior female elf in Tauriel, but in the beauty category, I give the crown to Arwen. If you ask me though, if given the chance to inhabit either of the two, I would choose the kickass female elf.
Of course the highlight of the movie was the appearance (finally!) of the titular dragon Smaug, who I’ve decided is the fairest of them all. I mean, the last time I was awestruck at that kind of CGI creation was Jurassic Park. Gollum I’d like to categorize in another level of awesomeness, he’s got a label all on his own. Wish Andy Serkis was given a specially made up award just for his work in LOTR.
So, after all that, I’d really like to talk about Smaug. You know the feeling of anxiety waiting for something to be awesome and at the same time fearing it won’t live up to your expectations? Well, Smaug was worth the wait and he is more than I imagined him to be. The trailers purposely kept him in silhouettes, a glimpse of tail and wings and eyes. His sheer size and fiery breath when revealed are frighteningly staggering but what drives home the fear factor of his presence is his slithery,venomous, darkly seductive rumbling voice and his evil cunning. While Andy Serki’s performance as Gollum as i said is on a league of it’s own, this is Benedict Cumberbatch’s. Breathing life into the legendary dragon thru his voice and motion capture (also the Necromancer’s) his performance is such that Smaug’s presence is even more formidable and chilling than that of the (SPOILER?) Necromancer/ Sauron. Kudos to the WETA team, Smaug is the most frightening dragon to ever grace the screen with the nastiest personality to boot! Indeed, he was every bit ” the greatest fire-breathing dragon of the Third Age” as Tolkien described. I mean Dragonheart would look like that purple dragon in Shrek in comparison.
Perhaps my teeny weeny bit complaint was when the narrative veers away from Martin Freeman’s Bilbo, the narrative tends to lag behind. I love the way they showed how the ring was affecting him ( I’m still heartbroken over Frodo, he got the loneliest storyline out of everyone) , his fight with the giant arachnids, his tension-filled confrontation with Smaug (Sherlock, Watson! See you in January!!!). The set, the location, cinematography, attention to details—they still blow me away. Peter Jackson is indeed the Lord of Middle earth.
December 12th, 2013 at 15:13
danielle: We were also hoping for more Bilbo because Martin Freeman is so good as the hobbit. But the encounter with Smaug was excellent—you could hear Bilbo thinking of anything he could say to keep the dragon from barbecuing him with a breath.
Smaug did not need vocal effects. Cumberbatch could’ve done it alone.
December 12th, 2013 at 16:49
i am so excited now to watch this.. the movie only comes out on Friday in Istanbul. we are having thudersnow right now (so many weather mashups these days, storm surge, thunder snow..) i’m sure we will all feel better after we watch this movie in a warm theater.
December 12th, 2013 at 16:52
Not set in Middle Earth, but I’d really, really love to see a Farmer Giles of Ham movie starring Bruce Campbell.
December 12th, 2013 at 21:08
I have tickets for IMAX this Sunday and am super excited.
I think Legolas wasn’t in the books, so this is one of those additions and “expansions” done for the movie.
Of course Thranduil doesn’t approve of Tauriel. Legolas is saving himself for Gimli.
I would love to see a Silmarillon film. However, if rights have not been sold, it may be unlikely. Supposedly, Christopher Tolkien is not fond of the films have been done stretching back to FOTR. Need to check that out again, though.
December 13th, 2013 at 00:43
Before: “Sino tong bata na mukhang tiyanak!”
Now: “Who is this goblin-mutant?”
Lee Pace – ang taray ng kanyang Thranduil! Para siyang matapobre na ina! “Hindi ka nababagay sa aking unico hijo. Isa kang hampas lupa!” With matching project sa hagdanan suot ang flowing na damit.
December 13th, 2013 at 01:29
Chronicler: Hihi anachronistic “mutant”. Then again, in the extended Two Towers Gimli says, “He was twitching because he had my axe embedded in his nervous system!”
So Legolas sees Gimli’s photo in a locket many years before they actually meet.
December 13th, 2013 at 01:30
allancarreon: On the other hand, truckloads of money override all objections. The Silmarillion could provide material for six or more movies. Then The Children of Hurin…
December 13th, 2013 at 01:35
noelz: Hmmm. Can be connected to Middle Earth via Chrysophylax Dives. It can be done!
December 13th, 2013 at 03:55
Your Grace, Smaug is beautifully done. It makes virtually all CGI portrayals like the Kraken. Cronos and others so cliches, Your Grace.
December 13th, 2013 at 06:22
A hilarious “review” from The Onion.
http://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-reviews-the-hobbit-the-desolation-of-sma,34821/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default
December 13th, 2013 at 06:24
By my estimate, the Silmarillon could probably fit 9 movies…
… I can’t wait to see Smaug on 3D.
December 13th, 2013 at 08:20
Oo nga. Tumaas ng konti ang kilay ko when I heard the word “mutant”. Yes, I remember the “nervous system” bit from the extended version of The Two Towers.
After so many years, after seeing Gimli sa locket, he met the dwarf again sa Council of Elrond. Feeling ko nagpapansin yun si Legolas kay Gimli when umeksena siya saying “The Rrring must be destroyed!”. Pagkatapos tumayo si Gimli and tried to beat The Ring with an axe. Inasar-asar niya si Gimli para lalo siyang pansinin. Sumama siya sa Fellowship para makasama si Gimli then employed the asar-lambing tactic to make Gimli fall in love with him.
December 13th, 2013 at 14:05
Chronicler: Aha, nagsusulat ka pala ng Legolas-Gimli (Legoli? Gimolas?) slash fiction.
December 13th, 2013 at 15:32
Jessicazafra: We all know that Legolas and Gimli went to the Undying Lands pero wala sa LOTR books ang full explanation kung bakit.
They left Middle Earth so that they could live together freely and openly. Legolas, being a Silvan Prince whose father is very mata-pobre, mataray, suplada at pakialamera, could no longer bear the restrictions of his family and was suffocated by the cautious and very conservative culture of the Woodland Realm. Grabe ang iskandalo when it was revealed na he was having an affair with a member of the same sex – not just any male kundi a dwarf!
When he was still in denial of his true nature, he directed his attentions on Tauriel, who despite being obviously a female, exhibited male qualities in the battlefield. It was not Tauriel’s beauty that drew Legolas to her. She was the closest thing to a man na puwede niyang ma-choo-choo.
When he saw Gimli’s face in the locket, he was smitten pero para di obvious sinabi lang niya na “Who is this goblin-mutant?”. Nagdedenial pa siya nun pero he kept the flame burning deep inside until he met Gimli.
December 14th, 2013 at 01:56
Smaug is the fairest.
Smaug. Please repeat until comments space is full.
December 16th, 2013 at 11:15
Smaug is the fairest and the most talkative of them all. “I am Fire! I am Death!” Kinabog ang lahat.
First runner-up is Thranduil, though hindi na niya kailangan ito. Naman! May korona na kayang nakaputong sa kanya.
December 17th, 2013 at 01:26
Swakto ka, qbeng. Smaug is articulate. And the “I am Death!” line reminded me of J. Robert Oppenheimer quoting the Bhagavad Gita.
Ginagaya namin ang boses ni Smaug nitong mga nakaraang araw. Ang sakit sa lalamunan. Mas manageable ang boses ni Gollum. Wala lang, sharing.