JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Therese dreaming by Balthus, 1938

Everybody thinks about sex; the question is, how often? Is it possible to think about sex too much? (What is “too much”?) Is it possible to not think about sex at all?

Around the time we declared independence from our parents and moved into a place of our own, we turned on the TV late one night and discovered the woman who has the answers. With her high intelligence and erudition, her direct manner, her colored contact lenses and decolletage, and her absolute refusal to treat sexuality as a subject “not suitable for polite company”, she helped to liberate us from our silly, giggly notions about love and relationships.

On Tuesday we’re doing a podcast with the famed psychiatrist and human sexuality expert, Dr. Agnes Bueno. We’re tackling everything you’ve always wanted to know about sex but didn’t know whom to ask (or were afraid to ask for fear of being judged and condemned as a maniac). So post your questions for Dr. Bueno in Comments, and we’ll try to cram them all into the podcast next week. Don’t be embarrassed; she won’t be.

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The 50 Shades of Grey books being devoid of literary value, does their use as masturbation helpers for the creatively-challenged justify their existence?

Could you recommend some good erotica?

Which fictional couples (from novels, movies and TV) would you say have healthy relationships?

Why do some people insist on staying in abusive relationships? Do they feel they deserve the abuse? Get their kicks from being abused?

Is Freud still relevant to the times?

Is monogamy natural and possible, or are people kidding ourselves?

Sorry we don’t have a proper picture, but here’s a jar of marbles.

Somewhere, someone is already writing a pitch for an indie movie.

The Strange Sexual Quirk of Filipino Seafarers
by Ryan Jacobs

When Norwegian anthropologist Gunnar Lamvik first began living in Iloilo city, a seafaring haven in the southern Philippines, he sensed he wasn’t getting the richest and most detailed information about the shipping experience from interviews with his neighbors, who were home on two-month vacations from 10 months at sea. To crack the cultural mystery of any total institution, you have to go inside, he reasoned. “If you [want] a feeling of a seafarer’s life, you have to be at sea with them when they are open,” said Lamvik, who now studies how cultural differences affect occupational safety at a Norway-based think-tank called SINTEF. “It’s important to be on board for some time, and build trust. That’s the crucial thing to do.”

Many Filipino sailors make small incisions in their penises and slide tiny plastic or stone balls — the size of M&M’s — underneath the skin in order to enhance sexual pleasure for prostitutes and other women they encounter in port cities, especially in Rio de Janeiro. “This ‘secret weapon of the Filipinos,’ as a second mate phrased it, has therefore obviously something to do,” Lamvik wrote in his thesis, “‘with the fact that ‘the Filipinos are so small, and the Brazilian women are so big’ as another second mate put it.”

Read the article at The Atlantic.

Thanks to Chus for the link.

At dinner last Saturday our friends kept referring to MHL. Yes, the GMA telenovela My Husband’s Lover is now referred to by its acronym, saving speakers two syllables. When there is a lull in the conversation, our friends have taken to singing, “Should we stay or should we raid the fridge for snacks?” or whatever those lyrics, which we can tell you were not written by The Clash. Every time that song is played, does the network have to pay Kuh Ledesma (or the songwriters) royalties? If so, she could buy an island in the Pacific by now, that song is ringing in our ears.

Our sister’s mother-in-law watches the show every night; so do the mothers of all our friends overseas, who find that if they try to skype Mommy while MHL is on, they will be ignored. (So the next time your mom complains that you never call, tell her you were trying to reach her but she was watching Vincent and Eric.) When proper church-going ladies get addicted to a show about the travails of gay lovers (“Disente naman sila” is a typical comment) you know it’s a hit. When your friends discuss fictional characters as if they had just come to dinner, you know it’s huge.

Faithful fans post entire episodes on YouTube; others write English subtitles for the benefit of viewers who don’t speak Tagalog. Foreign audiences have caught on, and American bloggers have noticed that their Pinoy friends keep discussing an Eric and a Vincent they’ve never met. MHL has been trending on Twitter since it began airing, and it merited a rebuke from the Catholic Bishops Conference, bringing it to the attention of a wider public. TomDen/DenTom is probably the number one loveteam in the country at the moment.

We reviewed an episode of MHL early on, but that was before the show had become a certified phenomenon. It’s time to watch MHL again.

Coming up: Our thorough recap/review of the episode above, which was the first to pop up when we googled My Husband’s Lover. Join us in Comments!
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These and more in Anong Pangalan Mo Sa Gabi? at iba pang tanong sa mga LGBT, a publication of the UP Babaylan and the UP Center for Women’s Studies. This witty and illuminating book is edited by Tetay Mendoza and Joel Acebuche, with photographs by Rod Singh of the Babaylan members and alumni.

Oops, reflection.

Anong Pangalan Mo Sa Gabi? is available at the UP Women’s Studies Center, Php250 each (and until Friday, July 12, at the Academic Book Fair at SM Megatrade Hall 1 in Megamall).

Enlighten the obtuse! Whether you’re LGBT, heterosexual, pansexual, self-pollinating, omnisexual, amoeba, or spontaneously-generating, you need to have this book around the house.

Thanks to Allan for our copy! (He’s in the book.) For more details, read Question and Answer Portion.

Publicity photo for the telenovela My Husband’s Lover.

MTRCB will follow due process on CBCP warning over My Husband’s Lover.

My Husband’s Lover is about a man who is married to a woman but is really in love with another man. Yes, it’s practically a documentary. No thanks, we have enough examples (Tantanan niyo na si Jun Encarnacion, ano ba, namamahinga na siya). The actors playing the lovers do not telegraph their gayness to the audience in the stereotypical manner—mincing about, speaking baklese, gushing over their make-up. They act like straight guys, and that’s probably what distresses some viewers. (“They’re fooling us! We thought they were hetero!” and “What a waste of good genes!” When Brokeback Mountain came out, we know married women who freaked out because the lovers looked, sounded, dressed, and went on trips together—just like their husbands.)

Read our column at InterAksyon.com.

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Turns out we sort of know the people behind My Husband’s Lovah.

* Our sister’s friend Paul Sta. Ana is one of the writers.

* The director is Dominic Zapanta, who has told us many gross stories. (Remember the one about the monobloc chair?)

* One of our friends had a massive crush on Dennis Trillo. He (our friend) was standing outside their building, waiting for his car, when Dennis Trillo’s car drove up. Our friend, a very visual thinker, described Dennis’s arrival thus: “Bumukas ang pinto. Lumabas ang sapatos. Lumabas ang binti. Lumabas ang tuhod. Lumabas ang shorts…”

“At hiwa-hiwalay silang lahat!” Noel interrupted.

* A couple of years ago, at a friend’s birthday dinner, Joji Alonso introduced us to Tom Rodriguez, who was starring in her production, Here Comes the Bride. “Hello,” he said, “I’m Tom Mott.”

“Like Mott Street?” we said. He said yes. “Your name is a palindrome!”

Way to talk to the cute guy, nerd.

* Andresa has a huge crush on Roi Vinzons, who plays Vincent’s father. (Just say the word, she makes killer ostrich burgers and has a wood-fired pizza oven.)

* Kuh Ledesma plays the cruel mother-in-law. Many years ago, at the defunct Republic of Malate, our friends were recalling the Kuh Ledesma movie, Tinimbang Ang Langit. Before long they were singing one of the songs from the movie, “Try A Little Suicide”.

“Won’t you try a little suicide…suicide…” complete with second voice. Suddenly they spotted Kuh Ledesma walking towards them. She did not look amused. They did a quick fadeout.

* Our best story involves a snappy retort from Chanda Romero, but we can’t print it.

It’s disconcerting to be told that your favorite writer is a male chauvinist who embodies retrograde sexual politics, treats women poorly and describes them as meals.

It makes us think: Are we a female male chauvinist? Are our sexual politics retrograde? This is a very useful exercise. We acknowledge that we expect men to try and take charge. Try is the operative term. (Our friend asked an interesting question recently: When was the last time you obeyed a man?)

When we read Salter, we see male characters who are products of their times, imperfect beings made compelling by their flaws. Should we expect fictional creations to be fair and respectful at all times, to think righteously and stay within the bounds of political correctness? Is it Salter’s or any writer’s obligation to meet contemporary standards of how to live? We regard fiction as an alternate universe where characters are free to be exactly what they are. It would be a tragedy to police it.